35 and older accountability, Group 2

Hope All are staying postive and healthy.

Just doing my best to stay positive and indoors.

 

Been spending time with wife. Had good intimacy with her. Trying to exercise at home and stay healthy during these bizarre times. Had a good week despite all this stress!

 

So grateful to have 8 days. Been really enjoying coronavirus quarantine. Allowed me to focus on exercise, eating healthier, and trying to get sober. Who knows what the future holds, but for now, I’m trying to make progress during this trying situation. Working from home has actually reduced my stress level.

 

So I've relapsed in a bad way. I'm so far in I can't see the feel good light anymore. Really annoyed at myself

 

One day at a time. Why did you do this in the first place?

 

Today was harder. I allowed myself to get wrapped up about my work’s policy of requiring us to work in the office despite our jobs can be fully remote. My therapist says I need to stay in my lane more and stop worrying about other things and it’s true. I need to do a better job tomorrow and start fresh. When I step out of my lane in work, I step outside in stress eating, and then want to soothe with PMO.

 

I am finding being at home is starting to trigger all my addictions back up

I love people and being around people calms me down, I now feel being stuck in this house in front of a computer is not very healthy - Seeing images of women even in normal videos starts to trigger me to start fantasizing.

As a solution I'm now out reaching to some friends to try to get a spiritual reading group together.

The temptation is always there cause I have female friends who I could get together with and (at least from my perspective) they like me and sex with them keeps coming to my mind - though I dont really want to because they are nto the right fit, the idea keeps coming to me and is keeping me from wanting to spend time with them.

So i'm now trying to get a bunch of them together so this way the sex wont be happening lol

 

153 days no PM.

In the midst of a world plague and a seemingly pending economic depression I'm doing my best to stay busy and count my blessings.

I still have my job, and I'm actually very close to meeting my quarterly quota, which feels bizzare and miraculous.

I'm very cynical and have a tendency to embrace worst-case scenarios, but whatever happens in the coming days and weeks and months, I want to know that I didn't give up, that during the CV outbreak I remained strong and resilient, that I focused on remaining positive for myself and others.

I also now have a woman of exceptional character and beauty in my life. She is nurturing and strong, and she has offered her laptop and work space at her apartment if/when I need to work remotely. She cooked an amazing dinner for me TUES night. I ate 2 large plates of her corned beef and cabbage, and she packed me leftovers, and I devoured that the next day

In the midst of this world turmoil I again started taking alprazolam, .5 mg before bed. My excuse is: I don't want to risk getting CV by not being able to sleep. I'm not proud of taking it, but I am able to sleep, and I hope it keeps me healthy.

I've felt less than 100% healthy for the past 2 weeks now. I am feeling better the past few days, but I still feel like I am having respiratory congestion, and I cough, although it's very occasionally. I also have a very slight and very occasional runny nose. And I am tired. This could all just be in my imagination though. The woman in my life is not sick. I have told her about my health concerns. Thankfully she is healthy and has no CV symptoms.

I'm eating a lot less right now. I fear going to the grocery store. Seeing empty shelves will only depress and frighten me. I have about 2 weeks of food left, so I am going to have to face that fear soon. But for now I will hopefully enjoy more home-cooked meals and a relaxing, isolated weekend with my beautiful, caring woman.

I am still working from the office. Usually we have about 100 people there. Currently it's about 10 at most. I have no WiFi or laptop at home so my employer is graciously letting me work from the office, which is empty of colleagues, and I am rather enjoying that. I live less than 2 miles from my office. I hope my working there continues for the next few weeks, but I suspect that my employer will may make me work remotely soon.

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff comfort me."

 

Today is harder for me. I’m a little bored. I’m feeling resentful about a neighborhood board. I’m wanting some excitement. I was walking through neighborhood and lots of attractive women out. It got my mine to wander. I haven’t been meditating either. Going to try to go easy on myself tonight and distract myself.

 

Hey bro - I would say don't be too hard on yourself for getting back on sleeping pills. Every effort you make is counting towards your ultimate freedom.

You are doing so well and I love your sincerity and continual effort.

One thing that has helped me with the immune system is to Abstain from Ejaculation.

There is a great book you may want to read called Cubid's Poisoned Arrows and another one called The Bliss of Celibacy- and many other toaist writings on the value of Semen retention.

Some suggest minimize it to once a month.

Soon youll be feeling better brother - Great job on keeping a positive attitude,

 

I have had another setback...

 

Reflect on what you could have done better and make tomorrow a better day. You can do this.


Check in for me: today was easier than yesterday. If I get to Sunday I will be two weeks clean. That will feel good.

 

This group is way too quiet for a bunch of people in isolation!

Also sad to see all the deleted members that quit early in this group.

 

I agree not sure why this is so slow - I found a bunch of reddit groups on Semen Retention and I am finding much more converisons there. Still visiting here every day

 

I'm still here just don't post much.

Roughly 7 months no porn no jerking off now. Still O with the gf when I have a window of libido.

Getting a bit annoyed now that my libido is STILL intermittent.

Do you guys think I should propose no sexy time to her for a while?

She might think it's weird or that I'm not into her but at the same time I don't want to share this Nofap stuff with her.

 

My opinion is that if what you are doing is working, then carry on. No sexy time can be hard for partners and if you aren’t ready to share nofap then it’ll be even harder. Still you are in a relationship and at some point you need to tell her.

My libido has always been intermittent since I got on antidepressants.

 

I don't think I need to tell her. If I ever relapse yes I'd tell her. But I think I must be close to beating this porn thing now after 7 months.

Nice to know you can relate to an intermittent libido. It's really bites, I feel like I'm wasting good sexually active time that I'll never get back.

 

Checking in.

Well for now it appears I have a girlfriend. I cancelled my match.com subscription this weekend and hung out at her place and watched movies.

For those who wonder if nearly 5 months of hardmode will lead to better sex...the answer from me is a resounding YES