35 and older accountability, Group 2

I hope things work out for you. In the meantime I encourage you to let it go. Forget about performing sexually. Focus on other things. Or maybe focus on other women.

I feel like you have nothing to lose by sharing your nofap experience.

I could be wrong, but I sense you're holding back part of yourself, and that it could be preventing you from feeling intimate with her (and possibly other women in the future). Sorry if I am wrong. Just a hunch on my part.

 

I really appreciate this advice. I am going to rant a bit:

In my opinion the office politics overwhelmingly favor women. If a man flirts in the slightest way, she can call HR and risk getting the guy fired, but when a woman flirts, it seems like so many have this "you go girl!" type attitude. It's completely ridiculous.

So the best way, in my opinion, is to keep things strictly professional. For me this means no flirting and very minimal socializing. They get no special treatment or favors either. I give them respect and I expect it in return, all the while knowing that merely interacting with them is a slippery slope. Always best for me to keep my head down and focused on my work. No time at work for chit-chat or smalltalk, especially with women.

 

Well it looks like I won't see my gf for at least 4 weeks because of the virus lockdown.

So I'll use this time to go complete hardmode without any O with her.

It should be a good experiment to see if sexual O's were holding me back from a recovery perspective

 

Check in.

Took a 2-hour lunch yesterday and went to the grocery store and got almost everything I needed. To my surprise the store was pretty well stocked. I might go back today and get more groceries. It is embrasssing to admit how long I procrastinated going to the grocery store. I am absolutely terrified of catching CV there. People at the store were definitely keeping their distance though.

Did pushups in my apartment then walked-ran through my neighborhood yesterday evening. MAN was it quiet! Hardly any traffic. It was like I was I was out in the country. I think I saw more pedestrians than vehicles. I leisurely walked across a 10-lane highway that is usually filled with heavy traffic. I never really had to look both ways before crossing. Empty streets everywhere.

Ordered golf gloves today, which are scheduled to arrive at my place next TUES. My company has a gym, and since only a handful of employees are using it right now I'm gonna start training there again. I miss lifting weights. As soon as my gloves arrive next week I'm hitting the gym.

 

Good reminder! Iv been doing cardio and pushup and 40minutes of body weights but i'm looking to get one of those pull up machiens that uses the door frame to do pull ups.

 

Excellent idea my friend!

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group. Can I be on the waiting list to join since it's at 20?
Thanks.

 

Hello group. I had a relapse a few days ago (more details in my thread: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/doing-well-the-journey-of-a-christian-man.249958/page-11 ) I go back to zero. The quarantine was stronger than me. It will be harder this time, but hey, I can't give up. I hope everyone is fine.

 

Keep trying bro - no effort goes to waste

 

Update Day 144

Today is the day 189 waking up at 4 am, 144 day no pmo and 59th day of no cofffee or meat

Overal feeling really positive expanding and confident.

I realized when i was trying to block women out of my life I was constantly thinking of sex and it was feeling really unhealthy but then I had a shift I now include women in my life and talk to them and keep friendships and see them as children see their freinds without lust.

If a lustful thought enters mind i try to go to prayer and use it to remind myself.

Thankfully feeling very strong and connected - Meditation 3 times per day grounds me so much - Avoiding food by 6pm and sleeping by 9:30 is what i have been aiming for though not successful all the time.

I'm now looking to review my rules and adjust them and have a 7 day where i do not deviate

 

My wife started to upset me last week and I went on a weeklong bender. Starting again.

 

I have reached double digits...10 days. I had a using dream last night and am glad I'm still on the wagon.

 

What did you learn about yourself that can help you for the future?

 

The dreams are totally fine i still have them too once a while - What has helped me is through meditation and trying to be living aware of my emotions - when lust arises, I'm noticing more capacity to know that this is a temporary state and it will pass - this helps me to not be pulled by it as much.

I also realized recently the minute the feeling of lust comes, there is suffering present. The more i feed the lust the more suffering increases.

I noticed when i'm chasing to look at more pictures or think of sex, my mind is single-minded and focused so that feels pleasurable because it frees me from my worries and other distractions - but actually my deeper self is in a state of longing and craving and suffering.

Ultimately this results in a relapse which leaves me in a state of low energy, depression and defeat.

So I now view lustful images just the same way as i see depression or pain, because they are both the same thing from different lenses. and knowing this I treat them both the same - with non reactiveness, not repressing not pushing away and not indulging, just letting them be there and becoming more present to my body sensation. I find this practice enables me to dissolve the patterns.

 

I continue to not be willing to sit with discomfort and always want to escape it. Maybe it’s not a matter of quitting porn but quitting efforts to avoid discomfort.

 

A reset doesn't take away the progress you made. I wish you continued success and health on your chosen path.

 

Checking in.

Lifted weights yesterday for the first time in several weeks. My work has a very spacious gym with all of the necessary equipment, and since almost everybody is now working remotely, I figured it was time for me to start taking advantage of it. Feels like a privilege to use the gym and lift weights right now. I plan to train intensely this week with the weights then relax this weekend. In my opinion exercise is the best antidepressant and antianxiety medication, and it's free.

Surprisingly I enjoy the quiet and solitude of working out lately. Whether it's running along the deserted streets in my neighborhood or at the dungeon-like gym at my work.

Pretty much in a routine now of passing the week through work and exercise and staying with the GF during the weekends. I was pretty isolated, for months, prior to CV and quarantine, so I feel well prepared for this. Watching lots of TV lately. Just happy to have my health and my job and strong positive people in my life.

 

I feel hopeless these days. PMO feels so good. But then it’s over and I’ve wasted my day it feels bad. But not bad enough for me to stop.

The thrill of the chase is so much more exciting than the everyday life I’m living.

I really don’t know what to do. Therapists, nofap, SAA have all provided occasional relief but nothing lasting.