Hey yall, im new here and i need help and advice.

So im 37M and im not the best at expressing or writing so please bare with me. Ive had an obsession with PMO since i was a kid. Not sure when it really started. But as a kid my grandfather had a few magazines stashed in is tool/ work shed and every so often i would sneak away and find them and get aroused. Its not until maybe 11 or 12 i actually started Ming and it felt good and some time after was freaked out this stuff stared coming out of me, and i guess from then on i started to do it a bit more often. Later i found my stepdads VHS collection that he would lock up in his desk, which was pretty easy to unlock. And my parents would sleep pretty much till noon due to drinking till early in the morning, so it gave me time to dabble in it till i PMOed. I was always active during and after school with bboying and sports and boy, the girls rwally dug me. So my senior year in high school i really fell for this girl and we endded up together for 2.5 years and had sex ALL the time, wearher it was at home in, in the car, outside etc. After that we broke up and that was the end of that. I went to college and never really needed it. It wasnt untill i was i had access to a cell phone and was looking to see if i can find P and from then on i would PMO when ever i could. I moved to a different city and live with roomates and had my own room and occasionally would drink too much and would PMO and passout. So it became a thing. Work, go home, shower, pull out my phone and do the deed. I ended up going back to my jome town and rekindled with an old friend and ended up getting together and i we hung out alot with mutual friends and would dabble here and there with xtc and cocaine and have fun. Eventually we and her made it offical as a couple, but no sex untill maybe a month later. It was occasional because it was a long distance relationship. It wasnt until she actually moved it with me and we would enjoy each other company and would have sex all the time. Now my wife of 15 years, through this time the firt 5 years were great. I would sometimes go to the bathroom and PMO and didnt think of it as anything major. Now my wife isnt a prude and i think shes a nymphomaniac because she wants it all the time but maybe its just me. Shes very dominant and very easy to piss off, and i like to mess with her all the time but gets mad all the time when i mess with her a little to much. Weve had are ups and downs alot. And i guess what im to say is that now being together for 15 years ive learned when we fight or have an argument i find it as a reason to go PMO, sometimes for stupid shit. Even when im at work and arguing over the phone i find time to go to the bathroom and PMO. Ive had this issue with it for the past 15 years and shes caught me several times and told me that what my problem was and i made alot of excuses and said i would stop, but i wouldnt. Through this whole time we would be as intimate sexually as we used to be and it was my fault. I would be upset or annoyed ot tired from work. I once told her and i didnt feel the same because she had gaind weight and she lost some weight and we were fine for a while but their i went, wenever i had the chance go and PMO bymyself. And another time that i didnt have the drive anymore because i had gained the weight and felt like a fat piece of shit and could breathe. Now my wife is always browsing reddit and stumbles on Deadbed sub and has never left it. Shes been reading that forum and would tell me about the SO issues with their partner and how they arent intimate and how it always ends up with a divorce. I dont want that to happen to us. So the straw that broke the camels back happened and we were working on the issue and she told me that i have a PMO addiction and i need to fix it because she doesnt feel that im attracted to her anymore was going fine untill i got jealous because shes always on her phone on social media browsing and talking to all her peeps on there and i said you just always wanna be on your phone instead of talking to me or being in the moment and said, your right i dont feel that were close anymore and theirs no intimacy i feel like were just roomates sleeping in the same bed. And i tried to fix it by talking it out and we reached an agreement that if it was gonna work out i had to try and find help later that night we had a makeout sessionswhich led to me going down on her and she Oed a few times bu me going down on her, and then wanted to have intercourse but i couldnt get hard after eating her out, then minutes pasted and the we didnt it and i Oed too. Then we did it a scecond time. We really engaged the second time. It wasnt till the next day. We discussed that i had a PMO problem and that i would fix it. Then the following night everything seemed fine, i came home we hung out and enjoyed each others company and she came out of the shower and came to lay down and i was trying to be affectionate by telling her to scoot over to my side of the bed, and i started to caress her hair and massage her neck and she took it as if i was tryingbto pet her and so i felt horrible about it and told her that wasnt the case. I apologize to her and we just just lay in bed watching tv and i decide to go to bed because ive got to get up and go to work in the A.M. she didnt have to the next day. So in the middle of the night i wake up and shes still on her phone, at night she wears glasses to read, i turn to her and can see the reflection of her phone on her glasses and she scrollimg through porn on reddit and watching a vid of some one stroking is dick and i said, you know i can see thru the reflection of your glasses and she acted stupid about it. So let me tell you that the last time we had this issue with me not being sexually active with her i caught her MO in the Shower and confronted her anout it and i she said its the lack of intimacy that shes not getting from me and i felt like i desreve that. But wasnt sure if she was still doing it. So back to when i caught her and acted stupid about me catxhing her. She said she wasn't looking at anything and that the vid i saw was of some creeper guy that sent a vid to one of her friends blah blah blah. So then we get in to a heated exchange to where she said that im not attacted to her anymore and that she needs to get off just like i get off because i wont fuck her and threw it in my face that because i didnt get hard while eating her out i wasnt attracted to her. So she said we need space to figure our situation out and she felt that i should sleep in the other room and ive been there for about a week. I love her with with everthing i have and we used to have that energy. And i know its me just PMO everytime i feel like were having a fight or a tit for tat. Im lost. Im not sure what to do. Sorry if im rambling. Any advice is so welcomed.

 

I believe so. I want to say that it might not be as problematic for her only because she can PMO and after want to have sex. ‍♂️