Advice on talking to a girl

There is one thing you most understand you do not have that much control on the situation you could do everything perfect and yet still be rejected For some reason.

The problem here is your fear of rejection. Even if she rejects you, life goes on. She is not the Only girl you ll Ever met so dont worry too much.

NobodY is perfect

 

Hair touching is a good sign. Complimenting it and touching is a very good sign. She was pro hinting for a compliment when she started talking about your hair. Also, if she allways wants to spa with you, and not the others, she feels safe with you.

That is also a plus.

Some good dating approach is to treat her like she is into you unless proven otherwize.

First thing I will ask myself here is:
Is the goal just for her to exept you?
Or is it to get to know her?

If it is the latter I would do one of two things.

1. During your next spa, ask her of you can ask her something personal. If yes.
(she is going to expect you asking her something very personal, or weard)
Ask her then if she prefers guys to take her for very fancy coffee at a very fancy place or take away coffee in the park(put your own twist on this, what is suitable in your country/situation)

See, now you are talking about her coffee and dating preferences and not you dating her. If she is not into you she wil try to shrup the question. If she is, she wil answer, prob be a bit self aware and talk about some dating experience and probably ask you why?

The awenswer.. O, because I would like to take you for coffee next week after( or whenever)

If she says yes... Arrainge where to meet etc. Give her your phone and just tel her to put her number in there... She wil put her name, just make sure you see it.

Tel her you wil text her two days before your coffee. Then she knows what to expect. Showing that you want to make things emotionally safe for her.

Dont death text her at this stage. Leave it, two days before your coffee, text to say Hi and say something sweet about looking forward to the coffee( keep it light)

Have your date. Enjoy

If she says no, she will prob give a reason. Boyfriend.. What what.
Smile, shake it off, no problem. Keep it light. Next week buy an extra energy drink, give her one. If she ask why, just say. If I can not buy you coffee at least let me give you a drink then. Just give it to her and wink. This way she knows that you have good intentions and no hard feelings. It also keeps the potential open just for incase. Go on as normal.

 

Hey @Coco99

I haven't read through everything, I only read your opening post and the update ...

It usually isn't a good idea to wait with a girl for two long. Truth is: A girl will not care if you're nervous. But she'll blame you for waiting to long.

Many guys make the fault and think being nervous is unattractive, and start to pretend to be alpha and all this, even if they're clearly not. But being nervous while you f.e. ask her out, or approach her, shows her, you're acutally really into her and it will make her feel special.

Why is it bad, if you wait for too long? It gives her the impression, that you either don't know what you want or don't stand for it. And that's not sexy for a women.

But you seem to know, that you'll like this girl and want to be more than just her partner in class. Let her know, the sooner the better. Express with honesty.

And just like @AfricanSunset said before: Don't death text her. A few messages to arrange the date are enough. Everything more usually just destroys the sexual tension.

Good luck with this one, buddy.

 

I'd like to add a few books that can help you change your mindset, they're kindle only though

How to be a bad boy
How to attract women and success
The new approach

All are written by Kris sturmey

 

really happy for you mate!

dont leave us hanging tell us how you got her number lol!

 

Good job!
No, don’t tell us, it’s your personal stuff !
Unless you really want to

 

in my experience, you can come up with so many approach and preparations but your self-esteem and courage will do the first step and initial push. if i'm on your shoe, i probably start on catching her up before or after our next sparring or session. then i'd probably start to ask if she's single or not. then propose a dine or coffee some time.

 

Hey man got an update on how your getting on?

 

Hope you guys came together

 

Spending time on women is usually unfruitful.

 

Congrats on your success.

Something greater than successful outcomes with this specific person would be to develop self worth regardless of the outcome. The ability to express yourself honestly (no matter how awkward that expression currently is) without holding back due to fear of a risk that didn't work out. If you continue to walk on eggshells in order to carefully convince someone to be interested in you, then you will continue to grow that paranoia and self censorship for the entirety of the relationship. That would become the shaky foundation built on illusions that the relationship is built on.

Why are you so attached to the outcome? Because success would lead you to feel pride and failure would lead you to feel shame. It's a very ego centric mindset to believe that you have a lot of control over someone who has circumstances / upbringing / experiences / interests vastly different from your own. Going after your desires, failing, and then feeling ashamed because of it is irrational. Pain and things not working out in your favor can serve as lessons and lead to growth. Succeeding and then feeling pride isn't the best way either because now you've labelled yourself as someone that must not fail or take risks in the future because you don't want that fragile identity to ever be broken. Both painful and pleasurable experiences are necessary. Grow from the pain and be grateful for the pleasures rather than believing that everything was under your control and power.

You're waiting until you're bulletproof before you do what you really want, but what it really takes is courage even if you're afraid and vulnerable. Surviving risks (failed and successful ones) is what creates self worth. True inner confidence is a good indicator of someone that has experienced a lot of pain and pleasure via taking a lot of risks. Circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing them more. More experience with various circumstances = the less fear of uncertainties... but you can't gain that experience in the first place without courage. Repeated courage eventually leads to competence. Repeated competence leads to confidence. Repeated confidence leads to more courage.

Let go of all the excuses. It doesn't matter how unideal or uncomfortable the circumstances are. Let go of needing the perfect thing to say or do to convince her (walking on egg shells / forcing / chasing / needing / convincing). Let go of the need to be bulletproof. Accept that things might not work out in your favor. If you want her number, then ask for her number... why? Because you're interested / attracted to her and you want more of her in your life. It doesn't matter if she's in the middle of eating a donut while punching you in the face. Go for what you want. Especially when it's unideal / uncomfortable / uncertain.

The caves you fear the most holds the treasure you seek. If you succeed, then you've built the foundation of this relationship via truth and courage rather than censorship and paranoia. If you don't get the outcome you were hoping for, you learn and grow from the experience and take it with you to future risks and opportunities.

A lot of people seem to think expressing themselves honestly is a sign of weakness and ineffective, but I can't think of anything more bold, daring, audacious, assertive, sexy, and badass than going for what you want and being open enough to tell someone you think they're wonderful and gorgeous.

"This is me... take it or leave it, but I won't tip toe safely through life towards my grave. I respect myself enough to risk failure going for what I want."

 

Just be yourself.if you are shy keep going , and say whatever you want to say with your shyness but accept your mood don't ever urge yourself like "why did I said those" etc. And if you want from me more advice, I will try. Good luck and always smile with your eyes