Every guy has that one girl?

About a decade ago (I was about 21, but an immature 21 so a kid really) I was obsessed with this girl I was friends with. We had an intense friendship, messaging non stop every single day, she was kinda messed up and so was I and our mental health struggles really brought us together. Unfortunately she only viewed me in a platonic way while I was insanely attracted to her.

I don't know what happened but I felt like I had to be with her and I reacted so badly whenever she told me she wasn't interested or when she got involved with other men. Eventually we had to sever all contact. It was intense and I really felt like my life wasn't worth living for some time afterwards and I just couldn't get her off my mind. Ultimately I can probably trace most of my rejection issues back to her and I think that's at the root of my pornography problem.

The good news is that it took many, many months (years maybe) to stop thinking about her entirely but I eventually reached that point and now I look back and wonder why I was so cut up about it all.

The bad news is that there have been other women with whom I've found myself repeating the same pattern (to a much lesser extent). All I can do is try and learn from each one and hope one day I've got my head together enough to stop getting into these situations.

 

Getting over somebody is as simple as realising that there are hundreds of thousands of people we may potentially like very much, but not all of them are meant to end up with us. So, if someone walks out on you, you need to walk too. On the other hand, accepting this is a very hard thing. (I myself haven't yet recovered completely, and sometimes I get jolted into the midst of things by some event or memory and it gets foggy for a while.)

 

I may be wrong... But I do think that the main root cause behind all this is the fact that usually most men consider themselves inferior in front of a girl and when we get a suitable one we try to be a bit too eager to seal the deal and therefore it hurts us more when our plan doesn't work out. On the other hand, girls grow up getting attention from tens of different men and as a result have no issues moving on.

 

That sounds accurate for me, I think it's a self esteem issue ultimately – I don't feel capable of finding another partner on some level so losing one (or a potential one) feels like a massive setback. I suspect that someone of any gender who feels like they could sleep with a different person every night if they wanted to doesn't get this hung up on the people who get away.

 

Thanks bro for posting this. It seems like it's a common experience for us all. Time is the best healer it seems, but I find that knowing that others have gone through the same experience helps to move on happily in life.

 

I admit i had a very strong crush on this girl when i was a very shy 18 year old in my senior year. I had zero self confidence back then and would be the poster child for being a classic nice guy. I had a hope threwout my senior year she would ask me out " yes i know lame " and of course that never happened. She did talk to me from time to time in highschool when know one was around, but never when others were around . For awhile after i graduated i thought about her and it finally went away. I was so shy and self critical of myself back then it would never have worked out. I put her WAY UP ON A PEDISTAL and put myself on the bottom as NOTHING TO OFFER HER. Since then i have worked on myself being more direct, more real ,and lesss people pleasing. Looking back i think the only reason i had a crush on her was because SHE HAD HUGE TITS or at least appeared to be . I dont remeber much about her personality or what she could offer me past her looks. Now days i just see it as a good learing oppertunity and even get a good laughf at myself about how i did things back then .

 

We all have that one or two brother throughout our lives.

The best thing you can do if they're not into you is just move along. It's always hard to do this but like they say one door closes and another always opens.

 

That's been my whole entire life man. Chasing after the wrong woman..

Way back in Middle School there were a few girls that liked. Unfortunately all of them were attracted to my brother witch made it worse. We both loved anime and Japanese music and we would meet on this online site like it was a ritual and on AIM. We shared what we all liked and what was interesting to us. I even confessed that I liked her and she refused. She said my brother was considered "hot" at the time and that she would of screwed him. But we were in middle school and it was a different time. Our parents were strict and I understood why. I wouldn't of considered myself very attractive at the time but.... decent. But I had no care in my appearance or looks as I was still a pre-teen until high school. I thought my passion for the things we had in common would be enough but it wasn't. Maybe I was too good though.

In my early years of high school another girl came in that I liked. This time she was attracted to my brother again. We were really amazing friends. I was open to talking to her about what she liked and I took all the help I could get from her. I played baseball and she even would ride to my and my brothers games and she enjoyed it that much. I had acne at the time and I was a bit of a loner. Of course my self esteem was down and I even went to a doctor for it since I had flare ups. I remember asking him "Will this go away before homecoming?" The answer was grim of course. To make the long story short this girl ended up liking my brother and they dated for a while.


Fast forward two years later:
Another yet wrongly girl came into my life Junior year of High School. Turns out she had a bigger crush on my brother and even ended up going to prom together at the second semester of high school. Making this story short.

1rst girl. She obviously cared to much about looks from what I think now and I realized she had a big ego about herself looking back at it. God knew what he was doing and he was protecting me from her.

2nd girl. She obviously had some insecurity about herself and needed a needy, emo or scene guy. Since that's what girls liked at the time during my freshman year.

3rd girl. It was more of attractiveness I believe and our common interests. I was big into to Techno at the time along the lines as she was into boy bands, alternative. But I was open to anything as I remember.


All this time I don't know what he had more then me is what I don't understand. Maybe my vibration was different or I was supper gullible at the time because I was a nice caring guy. I believe he was more Masculine to what the difference was. I'm not exactly sure. But I always felt god was protecting me and guiding me to some right woman.

 

I had a lot of girls that i liked but they didn´t like me back.
The best thing you can do is to tell them to let you know if they change their mind and walk away from them.
With time you forget about all of them and remember the good times with the ones that where intereted in you.

 

I think I can relate too. I was in a relationship with an awesome girl for 4 years and I had to be quiete confident to get it started. It's been six months since we broke up and I still think about her every day. I felt as if I had failed myself and her. It broke my trust in myself, got me hooked on PMO again and completly shattered any belief of ever getting with someone new somewhere in the future. Working on myself so that I can some day be a guy I believe in is the main reason I here. Thanks for sharing.