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Can we fap or have sex without watching or thinking about porn ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by stoicwarrior, Apr 3, 2020.

  1. stoicwarrior

    stoicwarrior New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I'm new here and I'm 24 and I'd like to go straight to the point.

    I'm with this girl for nearly a month now and things are going all well... except sex.
    We tried to have sex but I couldn't have any erection or even be excited. Until now I haven't been able to any penetration.
    I really want to keep her and that's why I've stopped watching porn and masturbating for 3 days.
    However, I still have some questions about this 90 days rebooting thing.


    ==> Can we try to have sex, is it a relapse ?
    ==> Can I still masturbate without thinking or watching porn ?
    ==> Does the rebooting impli no excitation, no dopamine increase at all for 90 days ?

    ==> Does it actually work against erectile dysfunction ? meaning is there any serious studies on it ?
     
    Supination and | Nico | like this.
  2. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

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    Hey there!
    Although i really think having sex with your partner is crucial to rewire your brain and recover from pied, I think that first, you should avoid it for now. Let the brain rest for at least a month.
    Stay away from any kind of masturbation because it might delay your recovery or even worse, you might return to your old bad habit.
    After 30 days try having sex again. Don't force yourself to have an orgasm if you don't feel like it. Just take it easy, there's no pressure.Usualy pied comes with performance anxiety. So If you still struggle with your erection i suggest you to try Karezza( look it up) it's a great way to connect to your partner. Its purpose isnt orgasm so the pressure of performing isnt there youll feel much more comfortable with her.
    *Consider sharing your addiction with her. You might be surprised of how shell be happy to help! It will also release a huge amount of stress! When i did it, it helped me a lot.
    And obviously stay away from porn FOREVER, for good!
    Good luck my friend! It's totaly healable!
     
  3. Stag99

    Stag99 Fapstronaut
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    Agree with everything Nadav said.
    Excellent advice.
     
    Supination likes this.
  4. PIEDSufferer

    PIEDSufferer Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. Stay away from pretty much all forms of sexual stimulation in the beginning. Because in order to make progress in increasing your drive and sensitivity, you need to starve yourself for a bit. With PIED, you’re totally desensitized, and your brain is “trained” to respond to porn, rather than real sex. If you stay away from anything stimulating for a period of time, your urges will naturally increase. It gets pretty tough. But over time, you’ll crave it so much that you probably couldn’t stop an erection with your girlfriend even if you wanted to. That’s when you should try sex with her. It’ll end up being a tremendous relief, and a positive experience. And you’ll sort of “re-wire” your brain and body into responding to real sex. The goal is fun, satisfying sex. When you force yourself to only have sex as your source of that dopamine surge, your body will respond to it well.
     
    stoicwarrior and Supination like this.
  5. Bhap

    Bhap Fapstronaut

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    ==> Can we try to have sex, is it a relapse ?
    Depends on what your situation is, I was in the same situation as you around a year (I was able to overcome it). Given my chosen difficulty of PM and the fact that in my head saw sex as less of an urge for dopamine release and pleasure but more as an expression of my affection, however i agree with the other replies in that its good to go no PMO for a while first.
    ==> Can I still masturbate without thinking or watching porn ?
    I personally saw/see this as a massive thing to stay away from for as long as possible, the dopamine release from masturbation as-well as the 'chaser effect' it can cause (the super-charged desire to masturbate that sometimes hits 1-3 days after sexual acts. Especially powerful early on in a reboot). However once again this is personal preference
    ==> Does the rebooting imply no excitation, no dopamine increase at all for 90 days ?
    Once again this is personal preference, what you count as a relapse is unique to your choice of difficulty and beliefs on your issue. (similar to my answer to your 1st).
    ==> Does it actually work against erectile dysfunction ? meaning is there any serious studies on it ?
    Not sure about serious studies, however there is research to suggest the rates of ED in teens/young adults has increased in EXTREME amounts since the introduction fast easily accessible internet (access to porn). Also me and many 1000s in this forum can vouch that it has worked for them.

    EXTRA
    I also recommend you have a look at the 'success stories' thread or even my post from a while ago https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/my-struggles-with-pied.245346/ where i explain when i was in the same boat as you.
     
    stoicwarrior and Supination like this.
  6. stoicwarrior

    stoicwarrior New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I'm at Day 10 of Nofap but I remain concerned about my PIED. My girlfriend is aware of my problem and I'm supposed to see her on sunday. She was very comprehensive and we agreed that we would try doing it when we would see each other but I'would stop PM. I still, nevertheless, very anxious too see her and deceive her.
    Indeed, I don't feel any positive effect from Nofap until now. In fact, it's even the opposit. For 3 days I have been more tired, I have mouth ulcers and I am more anxious. I feel like I have no desire at all. Sometimes I'm even concernes about my sexual orientation. So yesterday, I wanted too see how I reacted if I saw a naked girl so I masturbated while watching porn but stopped before finishing.
    Is it a relapse ?
     
  7. Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

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    I would definitely consider it as a relapse.
     
    stoicwarrior likes this.
  8. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

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    Definetly a relpase , it is Edging , the worst thing you can do > https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...masturbate-edge-or-watch-porn-without-orgasm/
    The dead penis that you feel is connected with Flatline ; it lasts for weeks (3-4 for me ) .
    Your emotions and feeling ( more tired and more anxious ) are normal too , like an addict who does not take the dose of dopamine.

    First i raccomande study carefully wha's happening in your brain >> https://oceanrecoverycentre.com/2016/07/the-ultimate-guide-to-overcoming-internet-porn-addiction/

    In second place , try to fight the problem with more strenght , with absolute hardmode no PMO . PIED should not be underestimated .
    Understimating the problem , will only make the reboot last longer .
    And if your reboot last longer you could not give your girl a normal sexual life in this time.
     
    Supination likes this.
  9. Saythatagain

    Saythatagain Fapstronaut

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    I too have questioned my sexuality. This forum and a better understanding of my CSA (childhood sexual abuse) has helped a ton. It's a lot to grasp and takes time and steps. I've been in a 12 step group for a year, I've done with with my therapist and most importantly I've connected with other men intimately but not sexually. I'm 43 and until recovery had one fair weather friend. With all the zoom meeting going on now it's a great time to start up without walking thru that door into an actual room. The P never actually gets any more satisfying, neither does acting out.
     
  10. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    It's one of the most common reasons to relapse early on at the beginning - a concern that your penis doesn't work any more and you want to check, or a desire to 'test' whether you are cured (without the embarrassment of 'failing' with a sexual partner).

    I'm really glad to hear that your girlfriend is being supportive - thankfully most women tend to be more understanding than perhaps we would fear. I am not so hardline as some here about no sex - I think you should continue to be intimate and try and give her pleasure in ways other than penetration. Even try and have sex if you feel ready to. It will help your relationship and make her more inclined to be patient and support you, which you really need right now.
     
  11. pump20

    pump20 Fapstronaut

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    You better off not to do it for life.
     

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