23 y/o A vow to myself

Jawbones237 · Apr 6, 2020

Background:

I've started watching P when I was around 13. Since then it's been a decade having this bad habit. At first I watched it once a week, when there was no one home, but after turning 15 I started to PMO more often. When I was around 17 I used to PMO almost everyday, sometimes I binged and did it multiple times in a single day.

I started to realize the true effects PMO had on me when I met my girlfriend when I was 21. When we were about to have sex, I had PIED. At that time I didn't know it was PIED, and thought it maybe was because of stress. After months of not being able to have a full erection, I came across Nofap and Yourbrainonporn. It suddenly made sense. So I started doing Nofap. My maximum streak was around 62 days. The effects were real, for the first time I was able to have an erection and actually have sex with my gf. I even had erections just by looking at her or just by feeling her touch.

However, I relapsed. The reasons were me having fantasies about sex with my gf, every morning as soon as I woke up; and every night before going to sleep. This soon led to cravings, first browsing instagram, then having little peaks in twitter, and eventually falling into PMO.

Since that streak I haven't been able to reach even 30 days straight. I feel the effects of PMO in my everyday life. I feel lethargic, slow, unmotivated. I'm not able to sit and work for more than 30 minutes, some days I can't even do anything at all. My self confidence is really low. I get easily stressed and have constant anxiety, and I can't deal with it by myself.

Before when I was 18 I felt really good about myself, I felt confident and capable of reaching my goals. Now I feel uncapable of doing something of value. But I know that deep within me I have potential, I have felt strong and confident before, I know how it feels and I'm certain that I can reach my potential. The only thing holding me back is this addiction, so I've made a vow to myself, to never watch porn ever again.

Right now I'm 12 days into nofap, for me its forbidden to go into instagram or twitter fishing for hot images. I know browsing those sites will always end up eventually on a relapse. Also I wont allow myself to have fantasies, even about real sex with my gf. In my previous experience, thats were all the relapses start. I'm fully committed to my vow. I don't need porn, it has no value for me, it's just holding me back.

Deleted Account · Apr 6, 2020

Hey welcome to the NoFap community : )

It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

First let me go ahead and drop some helpful links for you:

Getting Started Guide / Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button / Set up your day counter / Rebooting Resources/ Accountability groups (new!) / About NoFap/ Support NoFap

Here is just some advice:

First and foremost please take a look at each section in the forum, there might be something(s) you may find of big help to you. Feel free to post there :+)

Then secondly I just advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then make daily status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've also got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support.

Theres a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive talk. It would be great to have you join in and support others in the threads, profiles, and journal. Make sure and be grateful for the help you received and give some help after receiving some. Invest in some people's journeys. We could always use your help and in return you shall receive some as well!

Thirdly, You should also highly consider creating a public journal/log (in the appropriate section for you) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along your journey and offer support to you by way of posting in your journal.

Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!

SequinHistory · Apr 7, 2020

Jawbones237 said: ↑

Background:

I've started watching P when I was around 13. Since then it's been a decade having this bad habit. At first I watched it once a week, when there was no one home, but after turning 15 I started to PMO more often. When I was around 17 I used to PMO almost everyday, sometimes I binged and did it multiple times in a single day.

I started to realize the true effects PMO had on me when I met my girlfriend when I was 21. When we were about to have sex, I had PIED. At that time I didn't know it was PIED, and thought it maybe was because of stress. After months of not being able to have a full erection, I came across Nofap and Yourbrainonporn. It suddenly made sense. So I started doing Nofap. My maximum streak was around 62 days. The effects were real, for the first time I was able to have an erection and actually have sex with my gf. I even had erections just by looking at her or just by feeling her touch.

However, I relapsed. The reasons were me having fantasies about sex with my gf, every morning as soon as I woke up; and every night before going to sleep. This soon led to cravings, first browsing instagram, then having little peaks in twitter, and eventually falling into PMO.

Since that streak I haven't been able to reach even 30 days straight. I feel the effects of PMO in my everyday life. I feel lethargic, slow, unmotivated. I'm not able to sit and work for more than 30 minutes, some days I can't even do anything at all. My self confidence is really low. I get easily stressed and have constant anxiety, and I can't deal with it by myself.

Before when I was 18 I felt really good about myself, I felt confident and capable of reaching my goals. Now I feel uncapable of doing something of value. But I know that deep within me I have potential, I have felt strong and confident before, I know how it feels and I'm certain that I can reach my potential. The only thing holding me back is this addiction, so I've made a vow to myself, to never watch porn ever again.

Right now I'm 12 days into nofap, for me its forbidden to go into instagram or twitter fishing for hot images. I know browsing those sites will always end up eventually on a relapse. Also I wont allow myself to have fantasies, even about real sex with my gf. In my previous experience, thats were all the relapses start. I'm fully committed to my vow. I don't need porn, it has no value for me, it's just holding me back.
Click to expand...

I recognise a lot that we have in common and I’d recommend you check out my diary for some advice and techniques for recovery.

It’s good that you are giving yourself structure and it sounds like you have a clear understanding of your beliefs and values. I think this is the most important thing for recovery. Sex addiction isn’t about being morally “good”, because that doesn’t really mean anything. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Changing your mindset is about understanding how your actions are reflective of the kind of person you want to be. The shame surrounding sex addiction is unlike any other addiction and this is what needs addressing.

Do you feel like you are going to talk to your girlfriend about your struggles? Ask yourself how you would feel if she was struggling with this problem, and whether you’d want to know or not. Would you support her? Would you leave her?

This forum is a great place to find support and accountability and I’m glad you’ve found us.

undefeated94 · Apr 7, 2020

Your story also sounds a lot like mine. Currently both going through it and I know we both have what it takes, deep down, to overcome! Important to keep that positive self talk going when I wake up and throughout the day I repeat, “I am strong, I am able, I SHALL overcome!”

Jawbones237 · Apr 7, 2020

SequinHistory said: ↑

I recognise a lot that we have in common and I’d recommend you check out my diary for some advice and techniques for recovery.

It’s good that you are giving yourself structure and it sounds like you have a clear understanding of your beliefs and values. I think this is the most important thing for recovery. Sex addiction isn’t about being morally “good”, because that doesn’t really mean anything. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Changing your mindset is about understanding how your actions are reflective of the kind of person you want to be. The shame surrounding sex addiction is unlike any other addiction and this is what needs addressing.

Do you feel like you are going to talk to your girlfriend about your struggles? Ask yourself how you would feel if she was struggling with this problem, and whether you’d want to know or not. Would you support her? Would you leave her?

This forum is a great place to find support and accountability and I’m glad you’ve found us.
Click to expand...

Thank you for reading and replying. I forgot to write that I have talked about my problem with her, it was a little bit awkward but she was understanding and said she would support me. I have recognised that having sex while rebooting is tricky, because then you start having fantasies or memories about sex and then they turn into cravings. My relapses have occurred after we have intercourse, and in the following days I start to fantasize about it.

Jawbones237 · Apr 7, 2020

undefeated94 said: ↑

Your story also sounds a lot like mine. Currently both going through it and I know we both have what it takes, deep down, to overcome! Important to keep that positive self talk going when I wake up and throughout the day I repeat, “I am strong, I am able, I SHALL overcome!”
Click to expand...

Thank you for your comment! It is difficult but the best thing is to be open with your partner about your problems. From my experience having intercourse in the first stages of the reboot may lead to relapses.

SequinHistory · Apr 8, 2020

Jawbones237 said: ↑

Thank you for reading and replying. I forgot to write that I have talked about my problem with her, it was a little bit awkward but she was understanding and said she would support me. I have recognised that having sex while rebooting is tricky, because then you start having fantasies or memories about sex and then they turn into cravings. My relapses have occurred after we have intercourse, and in the following days I start to fantasize about it.
Click to expand...

Some people find a hardcore 90 day reboot to be helpful (no O) but the furthest I got with my wife was about about 30 days. I’m in therapy and that has been a life changing experience for me. The fact of the matter is that your addiction is a symptom of a larger problem, and you need to identify what it is before you can truly recover. This is the time and the opportunity for reflection and change.

The Free Bird · Apr 9, 2020

Hi, welcome to the community

I would recommend you to stay in touch with members and read their success stories. You may also learn tricks to avoid the short-term pleasure and to face the temptations.

Be AWARE of your habits and control what you see and what/who you spend your time with.

It's also important to limit the usage of social media. In addition, never be free! Use your free time as much as possible and do sports, exercise, attend classes, etc.

This video contains everything that you need to know about porn addiction. Lastly, here is a collection of ways to deal with the urges which worked great for me.

֍ You got this my friend ֍

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23 y/o A vow to myself

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