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Crossdressing fantasies even after one year of NoFap

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Staystrong2020, Apr 8, 2020.

  1. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    So here is a short summary of my story: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/crossdressing-addiction.260642
    How the title says, I managed the last year to stay 1 year out of PMO. But even after one year i had a gay sissy dream that made me relapse after one year. Now, for 7 months since that moment, i PMOed a lot and i do it almost daily and i cannot stop anymore watching porn, i try to. My question is: i heard many people talking about the fact that strange fantasies and sick ones will dissapear after some time and that vanilla thoughts will return.... unfortunately for me it didn't happen, i ve had a gay dream exactly when i was on 1 year of NOFAP. I am confused.... I worry that i will never return to my vanilla condition. You can read more on the link above to understand my condition. I also must mention that till i was 16 years old i didn't have any gay sexual desire... all happened after starting watching sissy porn and crossdressing.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  2. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    You can get rid of it and it only takes a matter of days. Please send me a PM.
     
  3. Look... It is not bad to have a fetish dream once in a while. It isn't even bad to be still aroused by your old fetishes...

    What is bad is a relapse. And relapsing means PMO or FMO for many times in a row. If you PMOed once your progress of 1 year PMO-free (Did you FMO?) would be still there. But now after 7 months you are back to square one. But I know the struggle.
     
  4. by dream do you mean sleeping dream or conscious fantasizing?

    You don't control sleeping dreams - and very little of it has to do with actual sex. most people have sleeping occasional dreams that involve one of these: bestiality, necrophilia, incest, same sex.
    This is because your subconscious does not speak a verbal language - it speaks in symbols. That's why people also have dreams about things they will never face in real life- dreams of teeth falling out, falling to a bottomless pit, strange lizards, snakes and dragons.

    As for waking fantasies -i believe that these too are mostly symbolic - some are 'real' - you see a girl on the street and you imagine what it would be like to take her clothes off.. but anything that is constructed reality - a fem dom or sissy fantasy some scenario your find yourself in, is symbolic. its trying to sexually fulfill a need that probably isn't sexual.


    Fetishes - and many of us have them - are much more complex to unwrap, but they do have a root cause or causes - your brain's way of coping with something. Find out what it is.. and that's the path to healing.

    You have done a GREAT job being PMO free for one year!
     
    engelman likes this.
  5. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    I had a dream while sleeping... but a homosexual dream that made me relapse... The problem is when i was on the 11th month of my streak i was talking with a girl that was sending me pictures of her being dressed sexy, but i didn't get any reaction from my penis unfortunately... even after 11 months of NO PMO. But when i had that homosexual dream i woke up with a painful boner and i couldn't get out of my mind this dream until i crossdressed and fapped and thus relapsing after 1 year. I think even after 1 year of NoFap i was still fucked up... I think porn fucked me up pretty bad... I am afraid i will not be normal again.... i am afraid of this. And also i am a virgin... almost 23 years old and a virgin who can't have sex with a real beautiful girl... and also a very handsome guy, many beautiful girls like me and i must refuse them cuz i got this problem. May God save my soul... For the rest of you who didn't get in this shit so deep like me, quit it now as long as you can... save yourself.
     
  6. a common thing to happen - "oh i didn't get aroused'... i must I must.. I must be gay! ' - just because you don't get aroused doesn't mean you don't like women.
    ...I think you just articulated your problem very well. You FEAR .. Anxiety.. possible feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness around women. Work on your self esteem, self confidence - and work on anxiety- there are a lot of great resources for this. One book I found helpful is 10 Days to Self Esteem By David Burn, MD. its something you have to work on every day but the benefits are enormous.

    You are not your addiction or your unwanted fantasy, anymore than someone quitting herion or cigarettes is condemned to be a smoker.
    don't 'refuse' go out on a date, talk to them, tell yourself before hand you dont' care about the outcome - just go to meet someone and have fun.

    And btw, maybe you don't have to be attracted to 'beautiful' women - i tend to like girls who look a little 'different' you don't have to worry if you're not attracted to the standard of beauty .
     
    engelman likes this.
  7. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    Ye, maybe i didn't explain this right... i don't refuse to hang out with girls... actually there are more times when i get along better with girls than with boys.... but if they propose me sex i avoid them... not once a girl invited me in and i refused...
    I know for sure that i like girls... there is no doubt for this... but when you don't get aroused by girls after one year, but when you think of yourself dressed in women clothes it instantly arouses you and also after when you have a homosexual dream... this is quite distressing for me... i read many opinions from men on this site, men who encountered the exactly same problems... but many of them said that after some months of NoFap the disturbing sissy and homosexual fantasies dissapeared and that their normal heterosexual arousal reappeared.. this is what it s bothering me.
     
  8. Did you stop fantasizing in this year?
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  9. start hanging around guys. Straight guys. Those should be your friends, not women. When you hang around women you become a friend to women, like other women. Then it becomes difficult to relate to them as a man.

    have you been edging or fantasizing? What else other than quitting pmo have you done? Any self improvement like suggested above?
    if the same problems that led you to pmo in the first place aren't resolved, then it's likely to manifest itself again.
     
  10. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    No, I didn't ... maybe just one time when i was 7 months free of PMO, I have seen a sexy dressed girl on instagram and I fantasized a bit about her... But i don't know if what aroused me about her was her body or her clothes... I think i was more impressed by her clothes ( stockings and things like this) .
    I didn't change many things in my life except that i started going to gym... but otherwise my life has been the same... wasting my time all day long... hitting the gym and going to college ( but i am not such a studious guy, actually not at all). I want to mention that the college for me is a formality... i go there only to waste my time and to finish it. Actually i started spending a lot of time in the house saying to myself that i must get rest and live a healthy life... sleeping longer and things like this.
    The problem is , in my opinion, the fact that I am 22 years old and I still live with my mom... I mean the thing that made me fantasizing after one year was that dream... But if I didn't have my mom s wardrobe with clothes near my room, i would definitely not relapse. I could abstain even with that dream that turned me on, i could abstain from watching porn... But i couldnt abstain from trying some clothes from her. I know it sounds fucked up, but this is the situation. You can check all the information in the link from my first post on this thread, i have there all the information


    Also till the beggining of my streak i used to hang out with a group of guys who were my friends, but when i started the streak i started also distancing myself from them ( the reasoning of this is not linked to the beggining of NOFAP). Contrary to myself abstaining from PMO for one year, from the social life point of view, this one year of NoFap was my worst social life year in my entire existence. Why i distanced myself from this guys? I felt like i wasn't respected enough among them and I wanted to find myself new friends... But i haven't succeded. I must say I am also a very anxious person since i was a little child, i ve always been like this. Because of the anxiety it was very hard for me in my life to meet new people. With this group i related because among them there were some of my old mates from the primary school and gymnasium.

    I addition i want to say that in this one year of NOFAP i felt very bad regarding my social skills. I felt more anxious than ever and very socially akward. I think it was because of the NOFAP, because when i started fapping again all these sympthoms dissapeared. I felt very bad and tired all the time, even if i was hitting gym 4-5 times per week. I felt very akward near persons. I think I was in a ,what they call, flatline.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2020
  11. yeah, i have that problem too, started to like the clothes more than the woman... would even not go on dates if a girl didn't were tights/leggings. try to connect with a woman based on personality first - which you aren't going to find on instagram - also even nonp racy social media is giong to be triggering....
    ok, so follow what other successful quitters have done. Great your going to the gym but do you have any bigger goals?
    was your dad around a lot when you were growing up? its not unusual at your age to still live at home but maybe seek a more masculine environment.
    yeah maybe time to move out. Does she know? I would guess she does.
    hit the nail on the head here you need to work on those skills - people aren't 'born' with them they develop them - maybe join some group like improve - tons of books and advice on this stuff - you also need to do something to reduce anxiety.. breathing exercises, mediation, workbook stuff, journaling it all helps but everyone has a different mix of what works.
     
    engelman likes this.
  12. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    While I congratulate you on the dedication is took to go one year of no PMO, I regretfully have to inform you that you missed the most crucial step of recovering from a harmful fetish: you did not rewire yourself with positive sexual activity.

    All a reboot does is clear your mind of harmful connections with porn and fetishes. However, once your mind is mostly clear, which happens normally at around 90 days, you need to start having sex and other positive sexual activities to fill your mind. If you don't, it will remain empty, starved of stimulation and pleasure. It is very easy, and actually even worse, to fall back into PMO after a long reboot.

    I used to have a severe addiction to crossdressing and sissy porn. With the way things were in my life at the time, severe PIED with women, and the addiction, for 2 months, I seriously considered I was a transgender woman or that I was gay. It was an extremely stressful time for me, especially because I knew in my heart this was wrong.

    While I am not completely healed now, I have an awesome and fulfilling sex life (when not in quarantine haha). I know I am a straight, cis man, I have great sex and relationships with women, and I brush off my sissy porn and crossdressing addiction as literally just a speed bump in my life. It was very bad when I was in deep, but now I'm just enjoying the present. While I don't tell my partners about it, I do not feel any shame or embarrassment about it anymore.

    To fully recover from this, you need to do your reboot again, and then rewire after with sex. Going forever on NoFap isn't the answer. You have to build a positive sexual lifestyle so that porn and these harmful fetishes can not make their way back in.
     
    ivanhoe and ExFetishist like this.
  13. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    Frankly to say i haven't fixed myself any bigger goals... For me , I feel, maybe i am wrong, that all my goals and objectives depend on escaping from porn and finding a real loving woman.... I mean, all my life i was the kind of person that I needed someone to tell him what do to and things like this, a person without initiative, a lazy person, who enjoys a lot to waste time... but I feel that a girl can change this to me... I am a very dedicated person to others, especially to a beautiful girl... I will do anything to make her feel comfortable around me, and i will quit any bad behaviour for a loving and understanding woman.
    Actually not... my parents divorced when i was 3 or 4 years old and they live in different cities... my father actually was absent from my life between 7 and 14 years old. When i was 14 he decided to recontact me and from then on we started to talk again... nowadays we still do but sporadic. maybe 1 or 2 times per month he calls me and we talk to each other, but i don't feel him like my father, just like an acquiantance.
    Actually my crossdressing story started when i was very little and i used to play with her stockings, one of my earliest memory from my life... i think i was something like 3 or 4 years old and i used to play with her clothes... i dont know why but i had a fascination for the silky stockings... anyway besides this little play with the stockings,i used to be a normal boy, to like girls from an early age, playing with boys, with boy toys and things like this. Then when i was 6-7 years old ( because of the fact that i used to sleep with my mom till i was 7 years old, then i moved to my own room) , i started, after she left for her job, to search in her wardrobe and to crossdress... but without any sexual thing...i just enjoyed that feeling of her feminine clother on my body... i didn't even touch my penis.... until one day when my grandma caught me looking at myself naked in the mirror and she told to my mum and my mum asked me what i was doing and i gave myself away ( without knowing what exactly my grandmom saw) saying to her that i wore her clothes. I remember starting to burts in crying... she told me back then that ,, it is normal for a man to be atracted by a woman s clothes... but not to wearing her clothes.... since that day, because of the embarasement, i stopped crossdressing. Then when i was 11 years old i discovered porn... and i started to watch straight porn.... Even to straight porn i used to masturbate a lot, all of this till 16 years old when one time when i was home alone... i decided, i don't know why, to try again some of her clothes...and i did it again and from that moment my crossdressing journey began... starting to crossdress all day long when she wasn't at home.... i used to crossdress and to watch normal straight porn.... then watching porn of crossdresser having sex with a woman... at the beginning, the porn with a crossdresser and a man disgusted me... but things escalated till the point i started to enjoy sissy porn and to fap exclusively to this kind of porn and did this from 16 to 21 years old when i started my 1 year streak of NOFAP.
    After all this time, i had the courage in the beggining of this year to tell her about my porn addiction and that i struggle with this thing... but i hadn't the courage to tell her about crossdressing and about my strange sick taste of porn.
     
  14. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    Have you been a virgin before starting NOFAP? i think for me it's harder to recover also because of the virginity. I had in this one year the opportunity to have sex but i refused it because of the embarrasement that a girl will find out that i am a virgin.... so When i was 11 month free on NOFAP, i decided to go to a hooker... Firstly, i wanted to lose my virginity and then to have sex with other girls.... So i was to this hooker... it didn't even cross my mind that i will not be able to get a single erection but it happened... ye of course i hadn't a proper interlude, i mean we didn't even kissed or things like this... she just undressed and started rubbing my dick and then she gave me head with the condom on, but without any single reaction from my penis... it was limp, it was dead. Otherwise, when i was just kissing with a girl when i was 9 months on my streak, i got a strong erection in my pants... maybe it really matters that i skipped the cuddling and kissing part, because with a hooker, you know, you just get to action without any emotional involvement.
     
  15. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    I actually was a virgin when I developed my PIED. I hadn't even had someone touch my penis before the first time I had sex.

    It has been noted that being a virgin and developing porn addiction makes recovery harder because or minds don't know anything else but PMO. Our brains cling to it much harder because that's all our brains know how to get arousal and pleasure. It does not make it impossible to recover, just harder.

    Research confirms enormous rise in youthful ED

    Now on to this prostitute. While you are having sex, you aren't creating very positive associations with arousal and sex in your mind. Sex with a partner involves flirting, hugging, kissing feeling, arousal, naked bodies, intimacy, sex, pleasure, and orgasm. Sex with a hooker involves payment, pleasure, no intimacy, and orgasm. While having sex with a partner encourages you to be sociable, pleasant, and to form a connection with another human being, sex with a prostitute encourages you to pay for sex and not expect any emotions. The latter feelings are much more negative, and will not lead to higher arousal, better orgasms, and could possibly lead back to porn addiction. On the other hand, developing a sexual lifestyle with positive activities encourages you to develop behaviors that discourage porn addiction and its effects. Sex with a prostitute is not the answer to porn addiction. (Additionally, after you rewire, you must have sex consistently over many months, not just 1 time with a prostitute)

    Do I have to have sex in order to rewire?

    Will stopping porn solve my problems?

    I read your reply above about your history with cross-dressing. No matter what porn has induced in your mind, there are proven ways to reverse it. The reboot and rewiring technique is very effective at doing this.

    You also mentioned though that your interest in crossdressing may have started at an earlier stage in life, before your porn addiction. It is obvious that your excessive porn use exacerbated this desire of yours. I highly recommend a reboot and rewire (through vanilla sex with a partner) so that you can determine if this desire is just an interest, instilled by porn, or an innate sexual desire. You will not be able to determine the true nature of this desire until you are already in a healthy sexual lifestyle.

    Is my fetish porn-induced?

    When I was going through my reboot, I always thought "Maybe I still can incorporate some of these sissy things" or "Maybe I can still wear some panties". It was still on my mind, and started to seem like a less harmful route, especially if I was to indulge with a partner. However, once I started having sex, I completely forgot about that stuff. Even when I think about how arousing crossdressing makes me feel, it's still jack shit compared to real sex and relationships.

    These fantasies come to us at our low points, when our minds are begging for release and arousal. We can't really trust them then. The only true measure of a desire is when you are doing great sexually and romantically. If you are in a relationship with a woman who loves and supports you, and you still reeeally want to try crossdressing, talk to her about it, especially the why, and see if you two both want to try it out. If you're single and horny, that is not the time to crossdress in any capacity. I thought I wanted to crossdress, but since I discovered actually attractive men's underwear that I love wearing for partners, I think I just wanted to feel sexy for my partners, and I didn't see many masculine things as sexy. Your brain may just be confusing your desires, like mine did.

    Overall, you should totally do a reboot, and then rewire after with an actual romantic partner for several months. Don't feel ashamed or confused by your crossdressing right now; your goal for the moment is to just start a regular sexual lifestyle. You will almost certainly forget about crossdressing because a normal sexual relationship with a partner is already so satisfying and gratifying. After many months of that, you should feel comfortable exploring other sexual desires WITH YOUR PARTNER.
     
    ivanhoe likes this.
  16. Staystrong2020

    Staystrong2020 Fapstronaut

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    So what does it mean a reboot or rewire? After how many months of NOFAP should i start thinking about accepting the proposal from one of my girls to have sex? You see, i am at a point in my life right now, when i can't get aroused even with porn... i hardly get an erection watching straight porn now... only if i watch sissy stuff or porn i can get aroused. I plan to abstain again, I know i have what I need to achieve this... I did it once , I am sure I can do it again. But after how many months of NOFAP should I consider having sex? And by sex I mean, hanging out with a girl, flirting, cuddle with her, kissing, interlude, and then real sex. It is true that the thing that I am afraid of is to try to have sex and be unable to maintain an erection. I think fear and anxiety play a role too... but 90% my problem is related to PMO
     
  17. After 3 months you should consider finding a gf and trying to have sex. But do it slowly and expect that you have ED for a couple of weeks. If you really like each other she will stick with you for these times and then you can rewire with her. Dont do it with escorts. They generate huge anxiety problems for guys who are virgins and porn addicted.
     
  18. again I think you know what the problem is here- men with strong imaginations which you have will find themselves doing all sorts of destructive things. The urge to create is strong - but if it doesn't have a good outlet it will have a bad one.
    no strong masculine role model growing up is a common problem for men who have same sex fantasies you can overcome this but going to take work you might want to seek expert help though its hard because many therapists will just tell you you're 'repressed' which is not the case.
    this is probably not uncommon - and i am not an expert here but pretty obvious where the fetish comes from - you're lucky in one sense because not many people can clearly detect where it comes from.

    we all know what a problem that can cause. I had 'mild' problems similar to yours which i never faced and in my 40s.. i started looking at online (straight) porn and what was a small annoying fantasy that popped up every six months became a 24/7 obsession and dominated me and soon my tastes for normal sex withered.
    She probably knows. Women are very sensitive about their clothes, the smells on them, how they are folded everything.
     
  19. great advice here.
     
  20. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut


    The reboot is the time you abstain from artificial stimulation and sexual pleasure. You go 90 days without any porn or arousing media, no masturbation or sensual touching by a partner, and no orgasms.

    The rewiring is the time after your reboot where you begin having sex consistently for several months. This period is less defined, and differs in time for different people. Your brain is a blank slate, and needs to be "taught" that sex is good. At first, sex may seem very mechanical and biological. You may not have a 100% erection the first few times, and you probably won't cum. As time goes on though, and your brain starts to associate sex with pleasure and other positive feelings, you will regain full sexual function.

    During your reboot, you and your partner cannot sensually touch you or masturbate you. However, you can flirt with, hug, kiss, cuddle, and give oral sex to women. This is highly suggested, as it has been seen to speed up the rewiring process. I did these with my girlfriend during my reboot, and I highly encourage you to do the same.
     

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