Femdom Addiction

Hi guys, so I know this topic probably comes up quite often on here, as I've seen a few threads describing the same issue, but I wanted to tell my story and maybe help myself stay accountable on the journey to recovery. I'm new to this website, but I am giving a light trigger warning because maybe some of this could trigger anyone with similar issues.

I'm addicted to femdom porn. It feels really weird to say that, but I don't think there's any way of lying to myself when normal porn doesn't even do it for me anymore. I've been addicted for about 5 years now, and it just seems to get worse and worse over time. It probably started with vanilla lesbian porn, then lesbian porn with strapons, on to pegging and so on up to the extremes of CBT and forced homosexual acts. I successfully took a break from porn for 45 days last year, and afterwards normal porn worked again, but immediately after, I searched femdom for my second fap. I've struggled greatly with accepting that I even have an addiction or a problem to say the least. This may be due to a friend who himself was addicted to porn and sex, and when I told him about my fetish, he said it's my sexuality and that I shouldn't try to change who I am. This is simply not true I think, because I feel terrible being humiliated or belittled in real life by anyone, let alone a female interest. I used to believe that it's the close-minded society we live in where the men are dominant and women subservient, that makes me feel shit about my kink/sexuality, but I dont believe that anymore. However, I truly believe that certain human beings are born with a preference toward the same sex, it's natural and found among most species. But I think my fetish for femdom stems purely from porn addiction. If I really had a natural preference for dominant women, and all these fucked up things then I would imagine a happy real-life scenario, but I can't. It's pure digital fantasy. I want a relationship where love is reciprocated, and both love partners support each other.

Which brings me onto my next issue: The idea of internet 'alpha males' posting blogs about how to become the ultimate man and losing your femdom addiction (not mentioning any names here). I just don't buy it. Why do we have to immediately jump to such extremes? On one side destructive and toxic addiction, on the other a destructive and patriarchal world view. We brought this on ourselves by watching so much porn and over time it gets more fucked up, maybe with some childhood stuff influencing it too, but mainly the porn addiction. I don't want to be an 'alpha male', or a typical macho guy whose girlfriend is submissive, and he has to abide to traditional male rules. I just want to be a normal guy with a healthy relationship and no porn addiction that makes me feel depressed and worthless. I've managed to shake most of my other destructive habits, such as overeating junk food, phone usage, even PMO generally. But my femdom addiction always comes back.

What has helped you? How do you see this addiction? If anyone has any tips or they have gone through a similar thing, I would love to hear it please.

 

Cheers for the links! How long were you addicted to it? Did you stop watching porn altogether or just other categories?

I checked out the video and channel. I should say first that on a spectrum of individuality and social justice, I would lean much closer to social justice by its definition. Both my social and economic scales are far left. The reason why I say this is that I used to follow these types of channels in the past (pick up artists), and I religiously watched Jordan Peterson, but they really didn't help me personally, and I don't align with their political views.

Due to this I am very confused about relationships in today's society. We live in extremely progressive times where problematic conventions are being broken down completely, which results in disregarding the good sides of old traditional relationships.

In an ideal progressive world no predispositions would exist for relationships. In some respects this truly does work in favour of both men and women. Women get equal opportunities while men get a more interesting and complete partner. However, some traditions are so deeply engrained into us that we can't just get rid of them, or for some we actually need them in platonic relationships. Throwing these traditions away is harmful and dangerous. I'm sure in the future there will be a reactionary period where the best from both worlds (conservative and modern relationships) are mixed together.

I have read about how porn can cause gender dysmorphia and PIED, so maybe it's not wrong to think I can recondition my brain to like other stuff. I hope by reconditioning myself I don't start to think all sexual preferences or gender dysmorphia are caused by porn because that's not true, but I think mine is.

I will definitely check out the book by Mark Manson! He is fucking awesome and 'the subtle art of not giving a fuck' was life changing back when I read it a couple of years ago. It helped me through difficult times, and I still apply it today.

 

Absolutely, I agree! It really doesn't matter where people come from ideologically or what their beliefs are, we're all in this boat together. It's really great that this website exists. Thinking I'm the only one dealing with my problem was honestly torturous.

Maybe I will give your technique of only striptease porn a try. I guess any porn is bad for the brain, but in the past striptease made me feel the least bad morally out of any porn. Just MO is also a good idea, maybe that will be my goal for the future once I get the hang of this. Do you think these kind of fetishes or any fetishes have to stem from childhood experiences? Can it just be an accident or coincidence? I hate to be freudian but sometimes it's the only reasonable explanation.

Cool I'll check the second channel out again! Maybe I got the wrong first impression.

Haha yeah it's as if he predicted how fucked 2020 would be. I know you said he explains it in the book you linked, but could you maybe say more about the 'fake alpha guys' attracting 'fake hot chicks'? I find that idea interesting, never heard of it.

 

Thank you mate! Great articles. The idea of me finding a relationship seems so distant now. I've only been in one relationship in the past and it didn't end well for me. But maybe once I reboot I will have the confidence to begin truly searching which I never have before. Also I am still a virgin (I am 19), so do not have something to compare. From the articles, I'd say I would probably perform normally during sex. I have masturbated very frequently in the past, so maybe I will have PIED in the future, but I stopped and do it much less frequently the last years, it's more the psychological damage now I think.

What torments me is that a cause for my addiction could be my parents. They are a 'disastrous duo' (dominant mother, passive father), I am really struggling with becoming different to my dad.

 

True I suppose the key is really finding what makes me happy in the long run and not things such as watching porn or other impulsive behaviours. I think for me trying to overcome femdom is a big enough challenge by itself for now, I don't know how I will overcome both porn and femdom. I just relapsed, didn't watch femdom but still watched more normal porn.

I also had a really tough conversation with my dad where I told him about feeling like I never had a proper role-model, and how I couldn't forgive him about cheating on my Mum. He was understanding and finally talked to me about it. It made me realise how we're all different and not necessarily the same as our parents, and maybe I will figure out what makes me happy.

Gonna try to reboot longer now. Still I think I've made some development since starting this thread, and want to continue improving myself.

 

Yeah, I really don't think I could fully transition cold turkey from femdom to no porn at all. All porn is bad (it's what led me down this road), but I have tried in the past to just not watch at all and then it'd all crash down once I hit a rut and binge watch much worse porn. So I agree with you that 'softcore' might be best at this stage.

Interesting, maybe I will try out these fetishes once I am confident enough about this issue. I'm kinda worried about how tho, because I wouldn't necessarily want to spend a large sum of money on some appointment with a dominatrix. The only other option would be a girlfriend once I get one, and then that could ruin the relationship. On the other side, if it turns out I like the fetish, it may be even worse because then I have to spend more money or look for very specific girlfriends, and people who are into this are usually quite weird. So it doesn't seem worth it to me right now. Have you tried it in your experience?

I see, that makes total sense with the 'fake alpha' pairing. It's a good deterrent to trying to be the opposite of the guys in femdom porn, which I guess would be a club dude who gets chicks every night.

 

So I wanted to give an update to my thread as I haven't posted in a while. For anyone who stumbles upon this: there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is going to have a slightly different journey, but I believe we can all get there. Think about why it is you like being belittled and treated that way (in porn). I had to turn my life upside down, go through some pretty major depression but I finally got there after 5 years. Now I look at femdom and it doesn't appeal to me anymore. Some harmless aspects are still fun, like Reborn16 above said. In general tho I am just as happy with normal porn now. And this is a huge step for me. It took a lot of work, and for me this was almost entirely not to do with porn (although still to some degree).

The way I did it was really trial and error. I tried so many things: NoFap for months, no Femdom for weeks, exercising, distracting myself. But the truth really lied in my issues deep down. I didn't feel in control of life. These individual tasks don't help, it's a whole image. And once you look at it this way, that's when the journey began. I started testing my limits with everything. If there was a way to improve myself, I would give it my 100%. I study now 8 hours a day. I read books. I have loads of interests. And then... I look at femdom, and I don't believe a word they are saying and can't believe the way they are treating the man (who I relate to obv as a man). I deserve better treatment because I am no longer ashamed of anything. I am being the best me that I can be. That, my friends, is the key. Circumstances are tough and we all face great hardships in life. I know because I had some pretty rough times the last few years. But if I could go back and talk to younger me I would say: 'You may not control other peoples' actions, or your surroundings, but you control yourself'. This is never-changing. We grow exponentially as human beings, and every one of us has unlimited potential. The road of discovery to this may be incredibly hard as it was for me. I almost did some drastic things, and felt pain on a daily basis sometimes. But I suggest discovering yourself. I love you all. Have a great day!

 

Keep improving yourself guys. I still struggle with this issue from time to time but I haven't given up. We must face our struggles and fight with them. Starting my 7 day reset week now.