Crossdressing fantasies even after one year of NoFap

I'm telling you that you should get a girlfriend during your reboot. Having one during that difficult time provides much support, and intimate activities, such as kissing, hugging, and cuddling, really help ease the urges for porn. Having a girlfriend also helps your body acclimate to real women, making sex for the first time much more calming and pleasurable. If you get a girlfriend during your reboot, you're much more likely to gain sexual function quicker when the reboot is over. Once the reboot is then over, you don't have to waste precious time finding a partner for consistent sex. You will already have one, who knows that consistent sex is the next step in your recovery.

If you do have a partner of any kind, you need to tell them about what's going on. You don't need to tell her about the crossdressing or how much you PMOed in the past. You just need to tell her about your problem, what you're doing to fix it, and how it affects her. This is what I told me girlfriend:

• Watching porn a lot in the past kinda screwed up my brain to the point where I can't get erections during sex.
• I'm doing a thing where I don't have sex, watch porn, or masturbate for 90 days. It's supposed to help cure the problem. After that, I just need to have sex.
• During the 90 days, she couldn't touch my penis, but everything else is allowed (cuddling, kissing, oral sex for her)

YBOP has some good articles about being in a relationship during and after your reboot. I would encourage you to have any long-term partner read these, and maybe some others on the site.

Boyfriend Quitting Porn? 5 Tips

Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?

What do I say to my mate?

Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?

What if my partner is a porn addict?

It is very good during your reboot to do things with girls, as long as they don't touch your penis. It is the end goal, after all, to start a healthy sex life with real women and real sex. You don't need to tell any girl you flirt with about your problem, but if you're getting into a serious long-term relationship where sex may happen, I would sit down and talk with her. I would avoid any situations resembling a one-night stand, where the partner just wants to have sex. This is totally okay, especially once you are recovered, but it is not good for your recovery right now. Your problems and condition may come as a shock to the girl, and I'm sure you don't want that.

 

based on my experience with this, and with women, she knows.
a. we don't hide our tracks as well as you think
b. women are very in touch with their personal things.. so if for example something is clean that shouldn't be. or pressed that shouldn't or smells like a different detergent, or maybe you didn't put things back 'just so'...

most therapists are useless, i think you have to find one that works for you and for anxiety specifically cognative behavioral therapy that helps you because you learn techniques not just 'talking about it'
i would suggest reading some books on this as well.
For the sex problems too man 'progressive' ones will tell you to just indulge in it, or your'e a repressed 'whatever' - especially with same sex/gender stuff since it's such a hot topic and often literally illegal to help overcome. so i understand your reluctance.

 

Hey dude, I'm glad you made it to 1 year doing Nofap, actually according to research paraphilia takes 5 years to cure. Since you like girls but are aroused by these fantasies or thoughts, but also get distressed by them, it comes under paraphilia.So don't beat yourself up, I know 5 years is a lot of time, but take it slowly.

Watch this video:

 

I don't have time to watch the whole video so do you mind pointing out where in the video it says this? Thanks.

 

Yeah sorry my bad, I forgot it was 1 and half hour video. Basically she explains different types sexual behaviours and how they are categorized. I'll check out about paraphila and tell you the duration, so you can watch only that part and understand about it properly.

 

Well the topic of Paraphila begins from 16:19 to 40:00
Diagnosis: If a person gets turned on by something (fetishes) but
1) it causes distress to the person practicing it
(or)
2) Someone gets affected or someone becomes victim.

The video talks from crossdressing, Sexual sadistic/masochism disorder to pedophillic disorder.
At 21:00 to 22:15, she talks about remission (which mean how long it lasts), she tells that it takes minimum of 12 months to get cured and it may even take up to 5 years to get cured.

 

I think she was talking about remission duration. So if you are 5 years clean, you are considered to be non-paraphilic. But first it will take some years to get that final clean streak obviously... So we are in the range of 7-8 years maybe.

 

I see, I am not a native English speaker, so I wasn't able to understand it. So that's it, it may even take more time to get cured....That's why we need not get impatient.

 

Okay thanks for that I watched that bit of the video although like you say this is the remission rate and the 12 month remission rate she talks about refers to substance addiction. 5 years is what the DSM has specified as the remission rate for paraphilic disorders. The time it takes for treatment to give a reduction of fantasy is about 2 months.

 

The problem is that you think that you cannot have sex right now. It would probably be enough if you go 1 month without PMO / FMO and try having sex with a girl that will give you some time and is understanding.

I cannot accept my fetishes right now because they will lead me to a relapse I guess.

 

Exactly, even for me everytime I relapse or go back to my fetishes, they escalate for me, making it even more harder to get my life back on track, so if it is affecting your life then better quit, if not then do so in moderation like a foreplay before sex with your girlfriend idk, it's all trial and error methods...

 

You will be able to have sex. Anything that's instilled in your brain by porn can be taken out. It just takes time and knowing what steps to take. If you do your reboot correctly and start a relationship with a girl, you will definitely find it more pleasurable.

Remember, you don't need to tell anyone about what you've done, especially if you still feel ashamed about it. All you need to tell a partner is you used to have a porn problem, what the steps are to fixing it, and how she'll be affected. That's all she needs and deserves to know. No one else, bar a therapist or medical professional, needs to know.

 

Dude I'm proud that you told your mom, I mean it takes lots of courage, but the thing with telling a family is just like lifting a small part of weight off. They are not good Accountability partners. Almost every researcher says, family members are bad AP, because they do not know what your mind is feeling and they keep on judging you and want you to come out of it quickly. But if an addict is an AP, he can understand your problem and not judge you but allow you to take your time to recover.

You have this consciousness telling you that your family members are doubting you constantly, which will make you lie to them at later stage....so I'm glad you told her, but tell her the truth that you need some time to come out of it and you would take it at your own pace and take the help of AP.

 

Funnily enough she's right. Status has been found to increase serotonin levels. It probably won't cure it entirely though. If you try the method in my thread and it feels like a fight or flight response then it shouldn't take much more than a week for the fetish to be gone entirely.