200 days and continuing...

Dear fellow fighters,
This is my 200th day of hardmode reboot journey. I just want to share my experience with you all and also see if I can get few suggestions going forward.

I started this journey soon after I ended up being divorced. That was a wake-up call for me to change and I took a strong oath to myself to quit porn and related stuff for life. Mine was very extreme case of ED, it was so severe that at one stage I couldn't get it up no matter what. I have started porn at very early age and binged a lot on it. After exhausting all kinds of porn, I started sexting. Even sexting couldn't satiate my lust and I started to catfish. Finally, I ended up being in a terrible state where I had zero control over my erections. I used to be semi-erect at best when needed. This ruined my marriage and life was hell after that.

I visited a doctor and got all the physical examinations done and found everything including the testosterone levels perfect. That is when I came across this forum and tried it for 3 months. Felt better and in order to test if my erections are back I started sexting again. It felt great for initial few days with solid erections but soon went limp again as I began to binge.

Realizing the mistake, started the journey again and now on 200th day. I feel proud of myself on achieving this feat and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Though I have not experienced any superpowers as stated in other posts, I definitely got benefited through this. Below are a few significant benefits I have experienced:

1) Punctuality. I used be late for work most of the times as I used to waste a lot of time after waking up in chatting, PMO etc. Now, I am able to maintain a schedule for routine tasks.
2) Self love. I don't feel bored spending time alone and at the same time I enjoy company of friends or colleagues. After 200 days of PMO, I don't feel the need to surround myself with others to stop using porn and related stuff.
3) Energy. I am not a lazy guy as before. One particular behavioral change that I have noticed is that I don't spend my idle time laying on bed. Even during this Corona lock-down, I am not going anywhere near bed after waking up till I sleep at night.
4) Time. Since there is lot more time left with me after job and other trivial tasks, I am able to add many activities like gym, started going to car driving classes, playing sports, cooking, reading etc. into my lifestyle.
5) Emotional connect. My relationship with my parents, relatives and friends has improved many fold as I don't have this constant guilt on back of my mind.

Though these benefits sound trivial and non-exciting, I believe these have changed my perception on life and definitely made me a better person. There are a few things that need to be addressed and below are a few:

1) Addiction continues. Though I have successfully gave up PMO, I feel like my addiction still continues in other forms. I spend a lot of time using phone for meaningless browsing, watching TV etc. I am still struggling to address these aspects of rebooting process.
2) Sexual dreams. I have frequent sexual dreams and sometimes weirder ones like incest. I really wanna find a solution to stopping this or at least controlling the content. I would appreciate if someone can provide me some suggestions on this.
3) Wet dreams. Regular wet dreams have been part of this journey. I don't know if it means a progress or a relapse. But I don't want to dwell much on it as it is something I cannot control.
4) Not able to understand the progress. Like many of us here, I too am in a state where I could not assess the progress of my reboot. I don't want to try something and ending up in relapse.
5) Confusion. I am not sure if this would be a solution to my ED and want to know if there is some way to say for sure that it cures my condition.
6) Meditation. Irregular meditation has been part of this process for me. I have not seen any benefits during the days I meditate vs other days. May be I have to make it a regular habit to see the difference.

I apologize for the lengthy post. Best of luck everyone on your journey. Stay strong and keep continuing, I am sure we all reach our goals with support from each other. Thank you.

 

Thank you Thomas.

 

Thanks for the suggestion Zeeshan.

 

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Do let me know if you find a way to get rid of phone addiction.

 

This looks crazy. But I will try it out once a week thought not on a complete scale. I will start with limited internet usage, skipping one meal, reducing interaction with others etc. Hope this helps me get better and thanks a lot for your recommendation.

 

Thanks buddy. I will try and include few of your suggestions in my daily routine.

 

My morning erections are not so great. However, I observe good erections when I wake up in the middle of night. May be that indicates progress or it might have been that way always.