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I fucked up, it's pointless...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BigBadWolf_27, Apr 16, 2020.

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  1. Apr 16, 2020 #1
    BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

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    Last time I've been on a similar state something about 100 days ago, back in 2019, before I started my greatest streak. I decided to stop. I felt determined as fuck. "This is going to be my year!" - I was thinking. No more acting like a kid and damaging yourself.
    Here I am, nearly 100 days later. Defeated. Beaten down.
    I failed. After 77 days. I spent last 30 days on living with that old, ugly and bad habit. I see it now. It's just pointless. I'm too weak. Social anxiety is stronger. I'm too scared to even try to get a driver license. I wasted so many chances... I could ask that girl out to a high school prom when I had a chance. She likes me, I knew it... But I was scared to even send her a fucking text message. I cannot stop thinking about her since our first eye contact... She has beautiful blue eyes. For the first time in my life I could have a girlfriend. Now, I probably never see her again. I fucked up. I'm thinking now, why would she even want to hang out with me... Antisocial, shy and awkward guy. Maybe I'm not good enough for her.
    Now I'm scared to get out of my house. I don't even have enough energy to get out of bed. I'm depleted. Tired as fuck. Without any hope. Back in that filthy hole I always wanted to get away from. I'm scared that I will stay here forever. Without chance to live normal, without chance to have someone I could care about. Nobody respects me, I was a pushover since I remember. I was badly bullied in school. Quiet and skinny kid. They beat me and I could not do anything. I was alone back then and I'm alone now. I'm afraid that I wasted my life. And if my life would look like that for the rest of my days I rather die. I don't know what to do, it makes no sense... I'm screwed like never before, and I see it clearly...
     
    BigBadWolf_27, Apr 16, 2020
    BigBadWolf_27, Apr 16, 2020
    #1
    StonePlacidity and Risingbackup2 like this.
  2. Apr 16, 2020 #2
    ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    what made you relapse after 77 days? you were so close to reboot.
     
    ahighertruth, Apr 16, 2020
    ahighertruth, Apr 16, 2020
    #2
    pockethercules likes this.
  3. Apr 16, 2020 #3
    Deleted Account

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    Bro. You made 77 days!!!!! That's great! I never made it this far.
    The fact that you are here sharing your story is just great.
    You have my respect!
    Don't give up on yourself!
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 16, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 16, 2020
    #3
    BigBadWolf_27 and Gmork like this.
  4. Apr 16, 2020 #4
    Deleted Account

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    s
    same question?
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 16, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 16, 2020
    #4
    Nak likes this.
  5. Apr 16, 2020 #5
    BigBadWolf_27

    BigBadWolf_27 Fapstronaut

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    Temptation killed me, I couldn't control myself. I was terrified after that. One moment of troubling thoughts and a fact that I was alone in the house.
     
    BigBadWolf_27, Apr 16, 2020
    BigBadWolf_27, Apr 16, 2020
    #5
  6. Apr 16, 2020 #6
    ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    ah. well hope you make it next time. addiction can be really overwhelming at times.
     
    ahighertruth, Apr 16, 2020
    ahighertruth, Apr 16, 2020
    #6
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  7. Apr 16, 2020 #7
    Jiminy Cricket

    Jiminy Cricket Fapstronaut

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    Now try 78 days!
     
    Jiminy Cricket, Apr 16, 2020
    Jiminy Cricket, Apr 16, 2020
    #7
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  8. Apr 16, 2020 #8
    MrYang29

    MrYang29 Fapstronaut

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    Try to search GOD, He is the shepherd that'll guide and help you.
     
    MrYang29, Apr 16, 2020
    MrYang29, Apr 16, 2020
    #8
    BigBadWolf_27 and Deleted Account like this.
  9. Apr 16, 2020 #9
    Gambler Kaiji

    Gambler Kaiji Fapstronaut

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    77 days is still rather impressive. Despite how downtrodden you may feel about the relapse nothing will take away the accomplishment of how far you got, and there’s nothing stopping you from trying again. Look forward to doing even better for your next streak.
     
    Gambler Kaiji, Apr 16, 2020
    Gambler Kaiji, Apr 16, 2020
    #9
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  10. Apr 17, 2020 #10
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    Dam bro 77 days is good, thats a good number as well. Well you know you can do it now atleast. One slip up doesn't mean anything. Thats all it is man. Get up and keep going. Just under 2 months is my record lol. And ive been tryin to quit since 2017. So sad man. I haven't really been trying obviously. You must have felt like you could read peoples minds though. I really got mad at myself when i searched my google history back to 2017. I said to myself no wonder im still frikin single lol.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 17, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 17, 2020
    #10
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  11. Apr 17, 2020 #11
    Freedom111

    Freedom111 Fapstronaut

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    Congrats. 77 days is amazing! Just think about how you would feel to get this addiction behind you. Its really helped me thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel
     
    Freedom111, Apr 17, 2020
    Freedom111, Apr 17, 2020
    #11
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  12. Apr 17, 2020 #12
    Deleted Account

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    If you relapse once you wont lose all your benefits. Just dont continue fapping after one relapse.
    You have done along streak so you have the motivation.
    See the girl on high school as a motivation. First finish the withdrawel, then get the girl when you have the confidence. And if you start now it wont take long until youre healed.
    I also think you have to get rid of the negative image of yourself.
    You say youre antisocial awkward and shy but thats not you. It's just what pmo makes to your brian.
    Just start your streak now and no relapse this time
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 17, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 17, 2020
    #12
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  13. Apr 17, 2020 #13
    Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut
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    Sounds like you are human to me. How many guys have hit the big nine zero and then had to start again? Ya learn. Join the club.
     
    Ogikubo, Apr 17, 2020
    Ogikubo, Apr 17, 2020
    #13
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  14. Apr 17, 2020 #14
    SWadapS

    SWadapS Fapstronaut

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    What do you think will make you more weak, giving up the journey, or trying again and again until you beat it? With each try and with each day of NoFap you are one step closer to defeating this addiction. The fact that you decided to even start this journey and had a 77 streak is just amazing. In all cases, having one fap in 77 days is hundreds of times better than having 77 faps or more in 77 days. Just remember it's never too late to start all over again. It's always better to start from day 0 than giving up completely. And remember, you are not alone in this. There are millions of guys who feel the same way as you. What you are feeling right now is not what you are going to feel in the future.
    I hope this helps atleast a little bit. Congrats on starting NoFap, good luck and stay strong!
     
    SWadapS, Apr 17, 2020
    SWadapS, Apr 17, 2020
    #14
    BigBadWolf_27 and Ogikubo like this.

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