Another Fallen Soldier To The Devils Silent Killer

I just came to the conclusion that I'm an addict.

No wonder why I'm in and out of relationships and not married at 37, Wtf have I been thinking?

I decided to look up my search history in google settings after I slipped today again.
I wrote down all the dates on a piece of paper. My longest streak was only May 15th 2018 to July 8 2018. NOT EVEN 2 MONTHS WTF!?

And no firkin wonder Im still struggling financially!!

Funny enough beginning of July 2018 was when I met my ex. imagine that! what a dumb ass I am. (she's probably now my ex because I continued watching it with her and behind her back. The real reason I broke up with her because I probably got sick of her because of porn!)

And she was HOT AF!! smh. Now she's dating a pro athlete, Im here on NoFap, I can't pay my rent at 37, crying like a little bitch because I relapsed for the 100th time FUK! lol (Also I'mChristian and she wasn't, she liked to drink and was causing me to back slide and we where completely different people....but was that the real reason???).

So anyways, I followed my search history and wrote down all the dates I clicked on shit back until October 23 2017 when I first established my email address.

Looks like I repeated the same routine, i'd click on one pick, 50 to 100 clicks later I'm on binging out on videos for hours even full nights or all day.

Looking back, I've relapsed every month, 3 times to sometimes 6 days in a row. I think I just try and look and not spank it and it leads to binging for the dopamine rush lol wtf??

I feel mentally handicapped right now after I relapsed, I can't think straight, my motivation level is shot and I look like a little bitch, I want to bitch slap myself lol. All the masculinity is gone from my face and I look like I'm unsure or things or some shit lol. I fkn HATE Porn.

So yeah, I'm honestly going to have to try and not click on any pictures of ANY women anymore. And resist temptation a little harder this time for good.

Im writing this so whoever is reading this, can maybe hold me accountable and call me a dumb useless POS every time I relapse and to quit already. wtf I'm i living like I wanna be broke all the time. Its all it does, it silently kills everything.

-Kills your relationships with others
-Kills your success and bank account
-Kills your happiness and turns your into a miserable POS
-Kills your motivation
-Kills your creativity
-Kills your relationship with God
-Kills your spirit and Gods plan for your life

Fuk this Silent Killer. With help and support of each other and Jesus Christ we can beat it.

We cant allow the enemy to gain a strong hold any longer on our body mind and souls.

The devil has one mission, to destroy our minds and keep us out of Gods plan for us and his Kingdom.

His bitch ass got kicked out, so know he wants to take as many of us with him.

His minions get in 3 ways to our life, threw our EYES, TOUNGE, and EARS.

We need to be carful what we say, listen to and watch.

I should know better, but that's the thing about temptation, it never goes away. Resisting it does get easier I find when I don't entertain thoughts.

Its a good thing Jesus died for us and God is so full of mercy and grace, otherwise we would ALL be in big trouble one day! especially ME lol.

Ive abused his mercy and grace too long with porn. Time to not go back.

I only slip up EVERY time I click on a picture of a hot chick. It always ends up to p.

 

You are here and sharing your story with completely strangers. Your first step was done. We are here for you. Stay strong and never give up!

This time YOU will bitch slap the devil.