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Hey, guy suffering from mental problems (disorders, syndromes) and porn induced fetishes here.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Perashar, Apr 20, 2020.

  1. Apr 20, 2020 #1
    Perashar

    Perashar Fapstronaut

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    Triggers and long post
    • Somatic syndrome
    • Generalised Anxiety
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Severe depression
    I got diagonsed with these problems in November. And I have also self diagnosed myself with OCD, and I'll get it verified by my psychiatrist when the lockdown is removed .

    This is my story

    First let's talk about the porn addiction .

    I was exposed to pornography when I was around 10 but the exposure was not much and did nothing much. However, When I was 13 I got access to internet and ended up consuming pornography in form of pics and stories. It was all softcore in the beginning but soon I was reading fiction about rape and incest and I was even enjoying it by fapping to it.
    Then this went on. My mental problems such as OCD(yet to be diagnosed) has started surfacing by I was 10. And social anxiety has been increased to an all time high by I was 13 .Now I am 15 and I have better phone and 4G internet connection. I started watching too much pornography . And ended up fapping to extreme stuff like beastiality, incest, bisexual and gay stuff and even cuckoldry.
    1.beastility
    I had a female dog but until I started watching porn I had no thought about trying to have sex with an animal .
    2.Incest
    Having incestuous dreams is really common especially when entering puberty. But I gave it too much attention and ended up feeding it. Although the hunger never ended .
    3. Homo/bi sexuality
    I never had any thoughts of having sex with a guy or any attraction towards guys as well again until I started watching porn . Although I am comfortable with things like hugging a guy or kissing a guy on cheeks in a funny way (trust me just in a funny way). And the first time I watched gay porn it was when I was really young and it was just curiousity. How can 2 guys please each other? Yep that curiosity that I think everyone has.
    4. Cuckoldry
    I never ever had any thoughts about watching my partner with someone else. And even if I thought of my partner(I imagined my crush being my gf,yeah whatever) with someone else .I felt really uncomfortable and angry and In no way was I aroused . But as soon as i discovered cuckoldry I got fucking sucked in it .It wasn't even arousal at first but just thrill and excitement.

    All these categories are the ones that affected me alot. Beside these things I have also fapped to stuff like piss porn, transgendered person stuff, brutal gangbang, forced porn, and bukkake and lord knows what other shit .

    But when I came in 11th. Second last year of school. I dropped all the wierd stuff except cuckoldry and incest and had no thoughts in real life. Now I came in a relationship in November(which was a reason I decided to go to psychiatrist to get treated) . When I heard about her ex boyfriends I felt extremely jealous and uncomfortable. In real life I had no cuckold fantasies .But one bad night in January I ended up watching porn, cuckold porn .I exposed myself to stuff that I used to fap to along time ago. And It all cameback. Becuz of my OCD I kept imagining my gf having sex with someone else to see if I am getting aroused and not . Even though before I was having no arousal and was getting alot of discomfort, unfortunately now I have started to get aroused thinking about cuckolding. I have no interest in sharing her or letting her have sex with some else and I am actually totally uncomfortable with her being with someone else. But it's just that the thought of cuckoldry, it's back in my head. Fueled by my OCD .It has created some really messed up thoughts in my mind . The more I thought, the more I ended up manifesting it.
    M doing nofap but never took it seriously until March . I know all of this shit is induced by porn and my own imagination and removing these thoughts and porn from my life is my only hope now. Fuck everything .I am going hard at nofap.
    Just wanna know y'all opinion on it. Yeah m new.
    And I have no idea why I joined the community so late.
    About the disorders, they caused problems and to avoid those problems and stuff I chose porn as an easy way out and ended up creating more problems for myself.
    I'll write more about the mental issues and other stuff like that in the suitable section .
    Today is day 3, let's shoot for ten!
     
    Perashar, Apr 20, 2020
    Perashar, Apr 20, 2020
    #1
    Deleted Account, Coffee Candy, | Nico | and 4 others like this.
  2. Apr 20, 2020 #2
    palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

    2,060
    13,871
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    Welcome
    Please, start studying carefully what's happening in your mind > https://oceanrecoverycentre.com/2016/07/the-ultimate-guide-to-overcoming-internet-porn-addiction/

    First time without porn will be stressful , but if you resist , in some months you will feel reborn.
    So if you have any temptation , is okay to masturbate if you can't handle the stress , but don't porn anymore.
    No more instagram pictures of models. No more erotic imagines , erotic stories or asmr.
    If you experience ''flatline'' and low libido , resist.
    >https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/por...l-size-and-or-libido-are-decreasing-flatline/

    The brain will try to win you and to get some triggers for the seek of dopamine. Resist

    - - -
    About cuck-old porn , it is really terrible.
    Everyone is afraid to lose his woman , by another guy. Everybody has fear of not being enough.
    Cuck old is a trigger because with porn we can exorcise our fears
     
    palindromo, Apr 20, 2020
    palindromo, Apr 20, 2020
    #2
    | Nico | likes this.
  3. Apr 20, 2020 #3
    Perashar

    Perashar Fapstronaut

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    Exactly dude I always had a low self esteem which I think might be the cause I got sucked in this so much. Btw what do you mean by exorcise our fears.
     
    Perashar, Apr 20, 2020
    Perashar, Apr 20, 2020
    #3
    | Nico | likes this.
  4. Apr 21, 2020 #4
    Mr Go Get D. Money

    Mr Go Get D. Money Fapstronaut

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    At day 3, the hardest part is behind you. It’s awesome you took the initiative to come to a resource like this and the more you read on here, the more motivation you’ll have to stop PMO.

    I struggled with OCD and social anxiety up until about 3 months ago when all my self-awareness started to click and come together. One of my favorite quotes that helped me through the dark days is, “strength is not born from strength, strength can only be born from weakness. So be glad of your weaknesses now, they are the beginning of your strength” - Dr. Claire Weekes.

    What I will tell you to instill in your life is exercise if you do not partake already. Exercise if crucial to mental wellness and goes hand-in-hand in aiding nofap. Regardless, your days will get better and you will overcome this. All of it. Best of luck to you.
     
    Mr Go Get D. Money, Apr 21, 2020
    Mr Go Get D. Money, Apr 21, 2020
    #4
    | Nico | and Perashar like this.
  5. Apr 21, 2020 #5
    DarkKnight85

    DarkKnight85 Fapstronaut

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    Hey. I have OCD too and I’ve also dealt with severe depression. Personally I haven’t delved that deep into porn, but I’m happy to stay in contact with you if you need to talk to someone who can relate to the mental issues.

    As stated by the people above, you can do this. I went from not being able to go a week without PMO to going 80 days without it. Fight hard, and you will create a future where all of these things are no longer plaguing you.
     
    DarkKnight85, Apr 21, 2020
    DarkKnight85, Apr 21, 2020
    #5
    | Nico | and Perashar like this.
  6. Apr 21, 2020 #6
    Tombrady234567

    Tombrady234567 Fapstronaut

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    That is a rather dark place you are describing and I feel your pain, man. I wish you wisdom and strength, stay the course and take it day by day, one day at a time. And each day you wait, your brain will heal a little more. Should you ever need support, we are here - you are not alone in this!
     
    Tombrady234567, Apr 21, 2020
    Tombrady234567, Apr 21, 2020
    #6
    Deleted Account, | Nico | and Perashar like this.
  7. Apr 21, 2020 #7
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Hi there...
    Welcome to the forums :)
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 21, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 21, 2020
    #7
    Perashar likes this.
  8. Apr 23, 2020 #8
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Hey, welcome to the NoFap community
    : )

    It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!
    First let me go ahead and drop some helpful links for you:
    Getting Started Guide / Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button/
    Set up your day counter /
    Rebooting Resources/
    Accountability groups (new!)/
    About NoFap/ Support NoFap

    Here is just some advice:
    First and foremost please take a careful look at each section in the forum, there may be something(s) you will find to be of big help to you.

    Secondly I advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then begin posting frequent status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement.
    The forum has got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see.
    People will find your profile and give you support.

    There’s a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive conversations. It would be great to have you join in and become part of the team!
    We support others in the threads, profile posts, and journals/reboot logs.
    Once you receive some support, please be sure and be grateful to the member for the help/support you received and consider giving some in return to anyone you wish.

    Thirdly, you should highly consider creating a public journal/reboot log (in the appropriate sectionfor you) to write about your days in depth for us members to follow along on your journey and offer support to you on.

    Please start your journal in the correct section and with that, also try your best to post in the correct sections as it is mandatory and would be helpful to the mods who organize the forum. : )

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 23, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 23, 2020
    #8

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