[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 8

 

Thanks mate

 

30 days.

 

Come on @Homo Deus one more day left!! This is amazing, you will be able to go for a bigger challenge and be closer to complete your reboot. Good job man keep going!

I am reporting on day 71/90. Feeling good.

 

day 34/90...still more than half of journey left...

 

#day 1 had to restart counter from a relapse i had at #day 22 we not giving up we grinding in hard

 

Day 3 Relapsed.

Ok guys, it is now 01:33 am but still I am deciding to put a little more words into this post.

I am noticing some improvements due to my participation in the daily meetings and self-growth and rewiring exercises.

However I haven't been exercising alot, as I lack the energy and reason to do so. And I also haven't been writing here a lot. I just started thinking that this is starting to get pointless because it doesn't matter at the end, sometimes it keeps me from relapsing, but I just extend the time until my next relapse and I end up getting back into the cycle.
I know that's negative thinking bullshit, but I can't really test my improvements socially to get some feedback on my results, I think that's the thing.

I'll keep writing here, it's definitely helping. I need to continue more.

I have been meditating everyday, with some exceptions where I skipped, because I forgot.
The videogame development is starting to get very tedious (but that's normal, it is also a still my learning process, so even more tedious lol )
I have no one to really talk to, not even that "community", they are really fantastic people, but when I talk with them, most of them answer a few times with basic answers and then stop, because they don't have time or whatever. just bullshit. And sometimes I have some really neat conversations.

But it doesn't matter how much work I put into it, I am always the person who writes. Which means, they don't really want to talk with me 100%.
It's kinda funny,because sometimes I think that, even if they were dying and they had one choice to talk to me, most of them would rather just die. lol xD
i am taking this with humour.

But I am very grateful for this community because they are honest and they participate full out in the exercises (which often requires you to come out of your comfort zone).
Which I did almost every time I had the chance.

There are good days and bad days on that regard, but never is there anyone, that starts a conversation with me, just to talk. It always has to be me. Probably it's because I have debts to pay the universe for jerking off so much...so I have to talk...lol just kidding.

If I just talk with my family members, I just get retardedness back. Maybe some can relate.
My family that I live with is not very coherent, one is rude , arrogant and depressing, the other one talks about covid-19 every day. And they are not like most regular troubling people, they are full with shame and deep ingrained mental issues. And stuborness on top of that, so they don't even think about anything close as to self development. They are so built up with self-denial and pride that it is estimatable that many of them will probably never change.

Also the current virus situation honestly instills very few to no worry in me whatsoever, I am just responsible with the actions I take everyday , but that's it...I don't treat it as if it was a series on Netflix like many people do and theorizing the end of the world (this behaviour is really just a catalyst to create problems where non existed, like, training people to predict negative outcomes all the time, whereas most outcomes are so far fetched, they are just abstract and products of imagination and many people end up, well, panicking, does it make sense? No. Do people think about that?, no. They just watch that, like, well like PMOing lol). Essential information is important but not that miscellaneous drama entertainment based bullshit that you get on the news every fucking day lol. For then acting out impulsively.

I avoid them as much as possible. Many of my close family members put themselves rather on a pedestal or think of themselves as superior. And honestly there is no family member of mine that I admire. Surely many did admirable things, like my grandfather, but admirable to them, it's part of their pride not mine.
Hard work by itself, is not something admirable to me. One can be really stupid or ignorant and work hard, while being a shitty person and not achieving anything of matter but material posessions and a life that is merely in alignment with their pride, status and reputation.
And one can be a good person, being a light to other people and achieve even more with less effort. And most importantly achieve things that truly matter to them. For that one must understand himself truly and not be busy with self-denial and protecting his pride...which is childish bullshit

I am very grateful for my family yes. For everything that they did for me and where I got until now. All of my safety and comfort I have to thank my grandfather and my mother and the rest of my family in gerenal.
However that is about as far as it goes. I love them. but mostly from a distance.

I just needed to get this out of my system I guess.

All the best to you guys! And much love!

Hugs.

 

Hate to say this buh relapsed again starting all over from day #0 no giving up no excuses we going to make it to the 90 days make ...counter starts #day o

 

Day O. All in. One day at at time!!

 

Day 5

 

Well done pal! Inspiring.

 

5/90/forever

 

Day 2/90 done.

 

Day 5
Getting 1-2 hours extra per day

 

DAY 0
New start.

 

Reached Day 1/90
Going good

 

Ladies and gentlemen

I made day 1

 

Day 8

 

Day 10 no M,
Day 115 no P!

Im gonna watch these today to remind myself of the process and goals




@Fredi-the I read your whole post! Thank you for all your words and honesty! I never really thought people your age struggle with this too! BUT Age is just a number and I admire you for doing weights regularly! Same thing I have been really regular with is weights! I started with a coach more than a year ago and a few years on my own before that! When I started with a coach and was held accountable was when I finally learned that self discipline is the key to everything! I am 30 at the moment. More or less have quit alcohol, quit smoking a loooooong time ago and now I am still on the path to quit porn for good. I already managed to have normal sex a few times, which was impossible while I was constantly PMO-ing. But for the 4 months I have been here I believe I have made huge progress, at the same time my journey is far from over and realized recently through stupid edging and some P substitues that this addiction is not erased as easily.

Anyway that got too long! All I wanted to say is that age doesnt matter and you should not let age or anything demotivate you! Every day is worth living and the happier and more fullfilled you live it the better!

Keep at it! We are all in this together!

 

Day 4/90
am better, day 1 was hard.. and then i got dizzy in the evening (sunday) and couldn't do anything, so i stopped using phone and avoid screens for awhile, no reading ebooks hehe
it's good cuz at least i've been steady in term of No P
still with bad network
take care of urselves, God bless u all dudes!