lowest point in my life

What you writing here, your guilt, shame and anger tells me that you are very morał, good person.

Im sure you would never harm noone. Even if you were somewhat aroused by this illegal stuff you would still be much better person than those who would like to cure pedophiles with bullets.

Take care. Try to be nicer to yourself.

 

Shit happens! Also goes to show you how dangerous it can be. Take care and stay the frick away from such spaces.

 

OP, are you referring to CP that involved actual prepubescent children or CP that just involved teenagers under 18?

I'm guessing it's probably the latter because you said you didn't realize right away what is was (if it was prepubescent children then it would be obvious what it was), but your extreme guilt and shame makes me think it might be the former.

If it is the former, then your guilt and shame are appropriate.

Neither one is OK, but there is a BIG difference between the two.

P.S. Jesus forgives all sins, but only if you truly repent and then formally confess your sins.

 

If someone actually molests or rapes a prepubescent child, then I think a bullet to the head is quite appropriate.

OP just mentioned some very evil things he has done. Yes, he feels guilty, but how can you say he is a "much better person" than someone who wants to kill pedophiles?

You are doing a disservice to OP by telling him he is a "good person." You can have good intentions and still be evil. Feeling guilty is not enough. You need to truly repent, which involves changing your behavior for good. That is a lot harder than just "feeling guilty."

 

Sometimes being beat down on the bottom can be looked at 2 ways
1. dispair depression
2. Or the start of a epic comback

your choice

 

thanks for sharing. all i can say to you is that we are all human and many of us have been in situations such as yours or even worse. those things are normal. they are a result of making poor choices. once you make enough poor choices, crisis occurs. this is what occurs within you right now. it means, you cant continue with your life anymore like this. you need to change your situation. change what you do and you will experience happiness. this is coming from a guy who has been using synthetic drugs since he was 15, who was in hospital three times due to overdose, and who today has a masters of science degree, plays in his local ice hockey team, has friends etc. if i did it so can you.

below is a video which sure can motivate you in this desperate time:

 

this is the current lowest point in your life. but it will further go downhill unless you start therapy or some other serious cure. pornography addiction is as serious as a physical ailment. one cannot heal from a fracture by oneself. please seek a therapist.

i acted out on a sexual urge at 22. thought i'd never repeat it. did it at 23. had a breakdown. n from there i've been going downhill. 2 years ago at 28 i started therapy n got a firm grip.
but dont make the mistake i did. if you dont seek a therapist or some help now, you'll continue doing downhill.

 

How does smoking weed numb you?

For me, weed makes everything more intense and sometimes too real.

 

I believe you misunderstood me.
You dont need to have sex witch underaged to be pedophile. Pedophilia is sexual arousal connected with children, NOT acting on that arousal! It is psychological disorder and people who have this disorder and seek help managing it are far better morally than those who would like to kill them for having disorder.

Acting upon such kind of arousal should be punished ofcourse.

OP seek psychological help. You will have opportunity to speak about what you feel as much as you want because that's psychologist's job to hear you out.

 

↑ OK, but it is a slippery slope from "pedophiles who don't act on their urges should be treated with compassion and given help" to "pedophilia is a healthy sexual orientation just like being gay or trans."

After all, children are "sexual beings," according to Freud.

Demonizing those who have no compassion for pedos and claiming that the pedos themselves are "better people" than them is the beginning of that slippery slope.

 

Once the act is done, we can rationalize as much as we want, but itd be great to take help before the act.

Cause once its done, no amount of regrets, therapy, n posts over here can reverse time.

 

Also, OP, the above is bad advice.

It is a psychologist's job to PRETEND to hear you out and then he will drug you (or refer you to a psychiatrist who will). He will pretend like he cares about you because it is his job and that is how he gets rich, but deep down he will be judging you and seeing you as "just another crazy."

Seek Christ. Confess your sins to a priest. Ask God to forgive you and to free you from the Devil's influence.

I say this as someone who is VERY far from perfect. I still have lots of demons and I have acted out sexually as recently as last week. But since I started going to church every week, praying daily, and talking to my priest and other Christians about what I am going through, my life has gotten a lot better in a way it never did with years and years of therapy and psychiatry.

 

Trust me, dude, the internet is a big place, and we stumble across a lot of things on accident.
This doesn't make you a creep or a pervert, because this was definitely not what you were planning.

Think about it, if you actually liked it, you wouldn't have wrote this post.

Don't worry, YOU are not a pervert, YOU are not a creep.

This has happened to people, who get shellshocked from seeing something like this. My friend who is 16 accidentally stumbled across the same thing, and he felt the same way. He felt guilty, even though he didn't even do anything wrong.

He said that he's absolutely devastated at just how these type of materials are made.