THE SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE! What is your Power Level?! (RANKS ARE BACK, GET YOURS NOW!

Nice, where do you get this Dbz gifs?

 

It's so easy to fall and so hard to get up and stay on track. Even if the sun is f*cking shining on that track.
That's my experience and to this extent I'm still an addict. Not a free man.

Since my last entry I sucked a lot. Now I "relapsed". Yesterday night I emptied a bottle of wine then and p-binged for two hours and, followed up by another two-hour binge on the next day.

After so much time of porn abstinence it feels damn good to have that rush of dopamine in your head again. And the direct negative effects are pretty mild. Also it really copes with the frustration of not having sex (or just being touched by a woman).
So I have to tell myself: NO, this is shit! You want and you can do without.
I have to remember myself: I'm quitting. Not using.
So get back on the track, ice.

Isn't it funny how our routines work. After many clean days I have an urge. But an urge for what? Anyway, I do the pmo ritual, because I know exactly how it works. I do the same things again and have the same results. Then I go to the forum. I start writing and it becomes the same shit that I usually write. It's not bad, because it makes me think about myself and think about what happened. I reflect, I'm being somewhat accountable and I plan the future. But it's difficult to say what I really want to say, because the words just flow out, in the same way as always ...
Ok, stop the self-reflection loop.


The longer I stay abstinent, the more I feel and realize that I don't need it, that I can live without it. And as the porn-addiction-wound heals the underlying issues come to the surface.
When porn addiction isn't a raging monster anymore then it is nothing more than a reactive group of neurons. It hasn't to define who you are!

Indeed, I really should stop looking at "my porn addiction" as a seperate thing. PMO is just one of the bad routines I might do when I'm not in control of my own actions.

By the way alcohol has become my newest excuse for relapsing. Like "oh, now you're drunk that means you have lost control. Oh no, now you'll proabably watch porn and mess up the whole place at the next possibility. But what can we do about it? You're drunk!"
Fuck that shit!
Why do I drink in the first place. I don't even need that. So fuck yourself, I won't drink even a drop of alcohol and thats it.

My plan is to write a report for the whole Month of April next week. Monthly reports, yeah, that's a good idea.

And please excuse me for swearing so much!

 

Google images

 

Check in Day 18 - Alls good in da hood baby!

 

Dangit back to day 0. I woke up with serious urges today and found some triggering stuff while scrolling through Twitter on my phone. Gladly I found my self-control before I fapped. I'll try to do better next time guys I promise! Time to reset and keep going

 

Day 3 done. Check in day 4.

 

Urges come and go . It is we who have to decide whether we stand tall or give in to urges. We could easily learn from an Indian monk Swami Vivekananda. He has told the problem does not lie in the outside world. By seeing a beautiful lady or watching porn,its our inner emotions which give rise to that lust. When u are aware of it consciously and visualise it going in ur mind , u can also win over it by controlling it. So u have to control ur thoughts and suppress that lustful thought. This can be easily done through a counter thought. I mean to say u have to constantly practice holy thoughts or motivational thoughts or just study ,meditate do yoga , exercise anything to divert urself and then it will become ur character one day. It will be ur habbit and u will be relieved of the urges.

 

Wait, so you didn’t fap? ..Is that a reset?

 

Day 2