I want to quit porn right now!

Hello! I am at a stage in my life where I am already married, I want to have a child and thus make my family. I have been fighting porn and masturbation for years, and when I say years it is years. I don't remember exactly when it all started but from a very young age I was very anxious in a sexual sense. I was struck by the girls already formed even if I was a boy and little by little I was fantasizing more and more until I started to masturbate with those fantasies. Little by little the fantasies were not enough and I resorted to sensual material that is available to any child in his parents' house (fashion magazines or Renaissance art). At home my parents are conservative and do not have any pornographic material. When I reached adolescence, hormones that were already very altered, went out of control. Then I met pornography as such. In my teenage years there was no internet access like now, so the way to reach pornography was through magazines and VHS videos. I remember the first video and at that moment it was as if I found what I always looked for. But over the years it got worse and worse. I started to suffer from anxiety and depression, lack of self-esteem and I realized that I was a slave to that crap. I got to the point of consuming it every day, several times! I wasn't letting me focus on anything practically. Although I am struggling today, I feel that I need support, since I do not want to continue being a slave to that. I want to stop consuming porn and masturbating once. I struggle daily with feelings of guilt, with my depression that is already part of me and with this disease that pressures me to consume porn. I am relieved to know that there are many more people who have this problem and who can help, and I am much more relieved that there are people who have left it. I have tried to do it alone and it has become very difficult. I want to be a better man, husband and father of my future son. I don't want to be addicted to anything, less to something as pathetic as porn. I also know what is behind this dirty industry, its abuse and trauma for all those who work in it. I don't want to be part of that at all, in any way!
It disgusts me all that and of course, thinking that there is a part of me that wants to consume it, makes me disgusted with myself. Please, I am not looking for a formula to leave it, I know that does not exist. I know it takes effort, sacrifice and determination. What I want is to raise my hand and say "I'm also suffering because of that" and feel that I'm not alone. I love my family and I want to contribute the best of myself to everyone else, and really feeling disgusted by me, it is not very easy for me to do so.
Thank you for reading!

 

Thanks! That's an excellent tip! My partner know my problem but... she thinks I am better than I really am. I'm afraid to disappoint her. But honesty is first! Thanks!

 

Thanks everyone for supporting me. Every single word makes me feel better. This is a fight, but not an ordinal fight, is a fight for our future, our life, our mental health... is a fight against ourselves! And for me, that is the most difficult part. Fight against me is fight against all I want, all that really likes me. I think there are 3 things makes you do whatever you do. First, the REASON, if you listen the reason you probably are the wisest man or woman on earth, but the reason sometimes looks like this nerdy friend that fell fear of everything or think everything is wrong. Second, your FEELINGS. Feelings are ok if you let your nerdy friend reason choose what is right and what is wrong. Feelings are like this hippie friend, that live without worries, smoking weed all day, saying "everything is ok if you listen your heart" or "whatever you do, I love you man" or some Beetles' lyrics... some words are greats, some have no sense at all! But you can't live without this sensitive and kind friend. Sometimes you thinks that he's the better part of you. And third, your worst nightmare... DESIRE! This son of a b... came and punch your hippie friend and kick the balls of your nerdy friend and when this happens you're laughing to dead, really enjoying this stupid situation until this "desire" find what he want: makes you do what he want! Only then, he left you, without dignity, full of shame in the floor beside your best friends, the reason and your feelings. That's a short resume of my entire life. Today I was relapsed. I feel shame, I haven't dignity... I feel terrible! Because when the reason and my feeling told me "don't let him get in" I run straight to the door and open it very wide to let him in... the porn, the fuckin crap, the worst thing that this rotten society can do. Forgive me, I feel really sad... I'm a puppet in a hand of this shit. I feel abused, forced by myself! I know I'm going to raise again and fight one more time, but now I feel really sad.

 

Hello there!
I came here to say to you guys that I have 33 days without porn. That´s a record this year! I´m doing this for me, for my wife and future kids and for all my family and friends who deserves a better man from me.
YES WE CAN!!!!