Do you read self development books ?

Nowadays there are so many books on personal development. They talk about the Law of Attraction, positive thinking and so on...
I started reading books about 4 months ago because, you know, we're all in quarantine. But I find it very hard to believe what I read. Indeed, all the learning I've done comes from my own experience and the actions I've taken in the last 2 years. I have learned to be my own teacher during these 2 years. To look for answers deep inside me. Without reading any books or asking for advice. Constantly questioning myself while taking action has been something incredible in terms of learning and personal growth. Even though after 2 years, I still feel like a beginner.

The only book I read that really made sense was "the power of now". Because I have experienced being present myself and I had already realized a lot by stepping out of my comfort zone and taking action. But I still find it very hard to believe what I'm told. Most books are very well written and do everything they can to teach us things and give us the keys to success. But until you experiment, you don't know anything...

It's as if someone talks to you about Australia and gives you a lot of information about that country. You have the opportunity to believe that. But deep down you don't know the truth because you've never been there. And even if you go there, you'll only know a small part of that truth. And you know, Australia may change in the future. I find it very difficult to believe what I am told and what I read. Especially books in personal development where the author gives advice by taking the stance of an expert who has understood how things work. This probably applies to all books in personal development. But also all people who think they know how things work. Not to mention people who want their truth to be a universal truth. I think it's much more complex than that. You're going to tell me to take what makes sense in every book I read. But until I've experienced it myself, I can't believe it.

Even though I take action every day, I feel like I'm learning a little bit more every day. But I know I'm still a long way from the truth. I feel that the intellectual truth is much less valuable than the truth that you learn by doing. And even towards this truth, we must remain wary. I have the feeling that there are far too many people who call themselves coaches and who pass on their knowledge to others. I believe someone who passes on who he really is and not what he knows. Because he cannot fakes it.
Even I sometimes respond to some people on this forum by asserting truths. My truths. Believing that this is how it works, and not otherwise.

That's why I've stopped reading self dev books. I think it creates limiting beliefs. I think that life is much more complex, but at the same time simple than all the information we can find around us.

"What if I'm wrong?" That's what I try to tell myself every day.

What do you think about that ?

 

Interesting stance. I get that and it makes sense, the part about you can't truly know something until you experienced it yourself.

The solution, especially with regards to self development, is to just try it yourself...
Often times what authors say works does indeed work, but the story looks a little different for each person because we are different. Just because you're not sure if one tip will work doesn't mean you have the excuse to not try it and learn more. If you the mindset you described to the extreme, your basically crapping on the entire idea of education.

Books are extremely valuable. They're arguably the most valuable information medium on this earth because their words are timeless and presumably heavily contemplated. Keep reading books, but also make sure to contemplate and apply them.

 

I did read that book already and it made sense.

But even about this book, I question Manson's claims. In fact, I don't like listening to people assert truths. It's like they understand how life works. E if they're more experienced than me. and even if I listen to what they say, it doesn't do me any good because I haven't lived it. I haven't assimilated this learning through action.And even though I experience these learnings in my life, I question them every day. Because it may not be the truth. Getting stuck on a belief only accentuates that belief and we end up believing in it completely and basing our behavior on it.

That process never stops. We're always a little closer to the truth, but never 100%. Even when we think we are...

The number of times I said to myself "this is it, I know the key to success, this is how I have to do it to reach my goal", when in fact it was just a belief that I attached importance to. As if it was the magic pill that would allow me to change and unleash my full potential.

Manson expresses himself very well. I think that's why we listen carefully to what he says. Especially since he puts himself in the shoes of a completely normal individual. So we identify with him. But even so, be careful. Ironically, these people often give us the keys to happiness when they have lived through the worst possible past ..

 

No, it has nothing to do with education. I'm just talking about books on personal development and all the information you can find on that subject.

I have a lot of trouble with these books because the author takes the position of an expert who knows the solution. He knows the strict truth and that is how he thinks things should be done. Even if I experiment things in my everyday life and even if it works, I would never take the risk of writing a book to present a truth, my truth. Because it's only my truth and if it works for me, it won't work for everyone. And maybe it's not even because of this truth that I succeeded, but because of other factors.

The only thing I rely on is myself. I take action and I learn through those efforts. And even as I learn things, I know those things are never quite true. It's an endless circle. But it's a pretty fulfilling thing.

It's a lot more complex than we can imagine.

 

Well there are things that work for mostly everyone with regards to self development. And there are strategies for self improvement that one can legitimately argue that they work. What I'm saying is that a lot of the things people say about the topic is true and works for many people.

What works for other people could work for you and that's what matters. That's why people converse with each other about life. That's why we have that discord group so we can talk about what's working for each of us and what isn't. It's so we can learn from each other and hopefully achieve our goals faster than we would if we were on our own.

Like with all information consumption, you take it with a grain of salt and be skeptical, yet open.

 

How do you know that ?
All we have about personal development are testimonials from successful people. These people tell us what they learned and how they succeeded. These are just beliefs. beliefs that they have accumulated over the years.

If you want to experience this, you can ask everyone on this forum about the benefits of NoFap, how they did and what they learned through their journey. You can be sure to get thousands of different answers. Because these answers are based on everyone's beliefs. And again, you can't know if everything they say is true. Not to mention the fact that there may be other outside factors and that these people may be lying to themselves. Or maybe there simply isn't a valid answer. Maybe that's why science doesn't venture much into the field of personal development. Maybe that's because everyone's different. I don't know to be honest. Again, this is just an example.

Yesterday I read the book "How to win friends and influence people". As if Dale Carnegie had THE solution to communicate more easily.These coaches tell us they've helped thousands of men.
They changed their lives and they present us with their vision of how they see the world. As if that vision was real, universal and applicable to everyone. But it's all based on assumptions, beliefs and perceptions of reality. They think they've found the solution and figured out how things work. How life works. When I was 18, I also had a lot of assumptions and beliefs. Before I realized that I actually know nothing about life. I don't know anything about how things work. Even when I'm sure I know, I may not be on the right track. No one really knows. Whoever claims to have the solution, even after years of practice, may be wrong. Life goes beyond all that...

I have a friend who is a personal development coach who helps men to be more confident with women since 2010. He always tells me that he doesn't actually know anything. Well, he's right. Even after helping hundreds of men. It's hard to admit to ourselves that our perception of reality and our beliefs may be wrong, but that's what keeps us going. Always question yourself. Never stop despite all our beliefs. Even if those beliefs are positive. Because it may not be the whole truth ...

 

Interesting. Fair.
I don't see many people saying that, after they've applied what is generally known to be effective, have not reaped the benefits, but maybe that's for the reasons you've said.

Interesting friend........

 

Thanks for adding this

 

Yes i totally agree with this

I don't quite agree with that, though. It's just my opinion again. I started this process of getting better with girls without reading any books. I had no idea how to do it and I literally started from scratch.

I can say that reading as many books as I could and absorbing as much information about "how to do" before I started would have had a more than negative impact when it came time to take action.

I learned through practice. By making mistakes and starting over. And even after 2 years, I still feel like a beginner. Learning never ends. That's just the problem with a lot of guys who start a personal development process. They want to absorb as much information as possible to feel "ready" to take action. To know how to do things.

You never feel ready. It's by taking action that you become ready. It doesn't matter if you act upon something if you dont know what there is. Just start with your imperfections. Yes it can be an accident but practice makes you learn. In my opinion, it's the opposite

But yeah i may be wrong, this is just my belief and my personal experience and the experience of guys I have met...