9 Years Spiraling Downwards from Porn and I'm only 20

If I had known of all the effects porn would have on me and my brain I would have never fell in so deep.
Looking back I can pinpoint a specific sequence of events that made my addiction become worse and worse. I didn't see the effects at the time but hopefully if you haven't experienced certain things yet you can learn from my consequences and experiences so you can save yourself the detriment.
I was really young when I started watching porn around 11 years old. I went from watching every once in a while to every single day even multiple times a day.
The first thing I noticed was that I was that I was not as confident in my self and my brain anymore the fact that I had to hide my behaviors being that young I knew I was doing something shameful. It's only a matter of time before shameful activities make you feel shameful about who you are. I couldn't trust my brain when I said I would do something or not do something because I would always watch porn after promising my self I wouldn't.
As the cycle continued and I got a little older, (14 or 15) I noticed that I had only gotten more lonely and I couldn't make friends or speak to people as much as I could in the past I just didn't think I was good enough really. I knew at this point that it was porn destroying but I figured that a lot of teens were doing it so it so I used that as an excuse to not quit.

Ages 16 and 17, I began feeling worthless like a shell of a person and this is when I knew I had to quit this. Also the friends I did have were also noticing that porn isn't that good for them. It literally lost all the sexual aspect and became a full blown drug. I knew it was bad when the motive was no longer to see scenes for excitement but to literally just get to orgasm. I was using orgasm to patch the feelings I felt about myself. To patch up how sad I was bout who I'd become. This lead me to watch porn even 5 to 6 times a day trying to feel somewhat okay. The fact that I couldn't get a real girl was just another reason I would run right back to porn.

Ages 18 and 19 - I tried my hardest to get the addiction off my back but it kept coming back I just got really tired of feeling crappy. I could only last like 2 days without porn at first. Then I was able to do a week, then two weeks then a month but then shortly after a month I'd fall back in. It was the saddest and most frustrating part of it all. I can do a week or two no problem now but I when I watch porn I tend to binge it all at once which makes me think that it will all get out of my system which I only think hurts me more, especially when trying to hookup with women in real life.

Ofc through all this time there have been some ups
but these are the major pitfalls that I've experienced. Porn can only spiral you down wards so if you are still early on in your addiction I advise you do everything in your power to get away fast.

I just recently got an account on nofap and I want to go for 90 days. Im going to reach it. Im 20 now and I can say I watch porn about 50x less than I used to and Ive developed way more will power to hold back from where I started so I'm happy about it but I'm not satisfied really. I really want to destroy my old habits completely. So that's the goal. I hope that it doesn't take you all as long as its taken me but hopefully my 9 year perspective helps you do better for yourself.

 

Thanks so much, congrats on coming so far in your journey. It's really inspiring. I'm at one week tomorrow and a feel pretty good.

 

Thanks so much I believe in you as well. Im trying my hardest to shake this habit thank you for the support honestly.

 

Thank you I'm praying on it.