Inner me doesn't want to quit

That is an illusion. Inner you doesn't want or need anything. It is your desire for pleasure speaking. You are like a lake, and this desire is like a pile of feces that flows there. You hear the smell and you think 'Hey, this lake has a terrible smell', but in truth, the lake smells of flowers and you smell only that little piece of dung that pollutes it. Remove the dung, let the water clear itself and you will see the difference.

Remember: pleasure does not equal happiness. Pleasure is fleeting, afterwards only suffering remains. And happiness is always with you and is not dependant on external things. If you are happy, you have no urges or anxieties. If you are not, then the cycle PLEASURE-SUFFERING will go on until you die and then it will go on still

 

deep down, we love porn. and giving up something that has become part of our sexuality is difficult because a part of you feels like you're going to give up all your sexuality. you don't, you just trade it for more fulfilling things, and as a result sex itself becomes more fulfilling.
It makes me feel like a fallen angel. I use to be so big and strong, I use to know my right from wrong. what I used to think was me is now just a fading memory.
The main thing that works for me is to entertain the thoughts of darkness, because it paralyzes my desires, and I can more easily do something that I should be doing instead. if that makes sense to you at all.

 

Hello,

You need to be radical, because the inner you will kill you if you don't fight back. It's war my friend.

 

I definitely know this feeling. You want to quit, but deep down, you feel like you want to watch porn or masturbate again. Even though you genuinely want to stop, t's hard to wrap your mind around the thought of NEVER doing PMO again. But, that's the addicted brain talking. If you tell yourself that in your inner self you don't actually want to quit, then you will make that true for yourself! Instead, whenever you have that feeling, tell yourself that no, you actually DO want to quit. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged because part of you is still holding on. Addiction fights against its eradication--that doesn't mean we stop fighting, it means we keep fighting until it's gone.

 

This is ambivalence that is discussed so well in "Rational recovery" by Trimpey. It seems to be a clear marker of addiction. I know what you are going through.

 

I know how you feel... I beg you never to give up, you hate porn and thats why you want to stop... The ability to control yourself is superpower... Be a superhuman! You can win

 

In plenty of cases addiction is an unhealthy attempt to cure some other problem. The willpower is a bullshit. Some guys will brag about that magical willpower, but they were not where you at and they just want to get some respect. There is a big chance that you are not able to stop PMO at this moment of your life. Please don't compare yourself to others. You need to accept it and focus on your inner problems. Ask yourself a question: what are your problems apart from porn use? NoFap is no magical solution for all psychological problems. It is just a lifestyle change. Your problems will be still there after quitting porn. It is hard, but this is life.

Good luck!

 

First off, I think that what you're feeling is what I felt when I first started recovery. I wanted to be sober, but my 30+ year addiction told me that NOTHING would ever be able to replace porn for me, and I believed it....for a while. If you haven't been able to stay sober for even a month, then your mind is probably not sober long enough to even consider anything else as a permanent alternative to porn. Your mind wants the porn because it hasn't been away from it long enough to know anything else for that pleasure center to be occupied with. Does that make sense?

Second off, I think you would really benefit from some serious accountability. (As much as possible!) Get a sponsor and an AP or five at a local SA meeting. (They're most likely all online for the time being. I know mine is.) But if you can't find one locally, (https://www.sa.org/meetings/) then maybe look for an AP on here.

I hope this helps. Best of luck!!

 

This is not true...
Quitting can do you a lot of goods. 1 gone 30 without it, and i really felt tge inner peace and strength

 

Do you really want to quit? This post reads like you haven´t been suffering long enough, to know whats best for you. It´s funny how your "inner you" can convince you to do things you actually want to refrain from. This ain´t your "inner you" and the key is to find a way to unlearn this sexual habit, because it´s a very hard wired one. Unless you are not willingly pursue your dream and play to win rather than to not lose your streak you are always avoiding this shit, confront your demons boy. And this is prior not just porn, but girls of course and social surroundings.

 

Hey K,
this is a great thread. great replies and a great post.
I just wanna say, knowing is now enough. Yes, meditation,workout, cold showers and accountability partner is only gonna help to an extent. This thread has made 1 thing clear, which is I'm not alone. I thought I was deeply fucked up because I sometimes relapse when I am bored, when I'm feeling not feeling sad. Just out of a habit.......i am glad to know that its not just me, we are in same boat. We can overcome it through efforts...Knowing is not enough!
Godspeed!

 

dude....you are just spreading your Post which is closely related to Christianity! Can I post something from my Faith and spread it too????

 

Very relatable. Every time I finish relapsing I want to log on here, confess it all and make promises to improve my life, beat my last streak, next time will be different, etc. Is this supposed to alleviate the guilt of relapsing? In which case, how much do I mean it? I don't even know any more.

Porn is a hard-wired part of my sexuality, that's for sure. I didn't grow up with it - didn't watch any 'proper' porn til I was 19/20, although I had mens magazines etc. I can vaguely remember as a teenager fantasising about sexual contact with women, seduction, kissing etc. But for many years if I go without porn for a while my sexual dreams and fantasies are not about women at all, but about stumbling across a really great video online, etc. This is my passion now. Terrible!