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Porn addiction has made me unable to feel attracted to women and only watch gay porn.

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by rw107, Apr 24, 2020.

  1. Apr 24, 2020 #1
    rw107

    rw107 New Fapstronaut

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    I've been addicted to porn since I was 15. I didn't actually watch porn until I was 14-15 as I lost my virginity when I was 13 and due to depression I had a very low sex drive for a long time. I'm also mildly autistic and my sex drive might be a bit weaker than other guys. I also have a few odd sexual interests, or so to speak, but I'm sure we all do to some extent.
    Anyways...

    I was in a relationship when I discovered porn, and it went downhill very quickly after that. It was a long distance relationship, and whenever we would meet up I found sex boring and highly preferred porn. We broke up (for unrelated reasons) and I have not been able to feel sexually attracted to a woman in literal years. Years. I'm now almost 22.

    A few years ago, I for some reason decided to watch gay porn. I had only watched straight porn before that happened. I became very aroused, even though I'm not gay, and it quickly escalated into very degenerate kinds of porn (nothing illegal but disgusting nonetheless). I miss being genuinely attracted to women. My sex drive is entirely gone. I only PMO to get rid of the urges, and I hate myself for it every single time.
    I even fully acted on these urges once. Met up with a random dude and it was a very unsatisfying experience.

    I'm not attracted to guys in any way, nor am I ashamed of my own size, but I hate that I'm stuck with this behavior which makes me feel ashamed and untrue to myself. I'm not sure why I've become so hooked on gay porn. I constantly worry about actually being gay, even though I know I'm not. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, of course. I just know I'm not, yet this behavior is constantly making me question my sexuality.

    I don't long for being in a relationship, I simply want to feel normal again. Having normal urges, and being able to fight them and most importantly, control them.

    How do I get to the root of this behavior? I've tried abstaining from PMO for so so long but I can't ever keep a streak going for more than a week.
    I feel like there's a reason why I got hooked in the first place.
    I'm very insecure and lonely, and have struggled with anxiety and depression for a very long time. How do I tackle this?
     
    rw107, Apr 24, 2020
    rw107, Apr 24, 2020
    #1
    You_ll_succed_for_sure likes this.
  2. Apr 25, 2020 #2
    You_ll_succed_for_sure

    You_ll_succed_for_sure Fapstronaut

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    Please, pardon yourself, friend. And it will be ok. It's totally normal to get attracted to woman.

    Start the no PMO, it will help you to be normal as the begining. I suggest you to be radical as well during this: because it's war.
    Start step by step: 15 days, then 30, then 60, then X.

    Strong tempeset are coming, be strong, specially in the 2nd and 3rd weeks. You can overcome this easily

    Some music for encouragement:

    Be brave, we are with you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 8, 2020
    You_ll_succed_for_sure, Apr 25, 2020
    You_ll_succed_for_sure, Apr 25, 2020
    #2
  3. Apr 25, 2020 #3
    AntiqueRevolverGuy

    AntiqueRevolverGuy Fapstronaut

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    you're in denial.





    kidding. it's a symptom of your sex drive being in overdrive. it becomes difficult to be satisfied with normal acts of sexuality.
     
    AntiqueRevolverGuy, Apr 25, 2020
    AntiqueRevolverGuy, Apr 25, 2020
    #3
    Nick_boy likes this.
  4. Apr 26, 2020 #4
    Kaiji_Zs

    Kaiji_Zs Fapstronaut

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    homosexuality is reversible
    upload_2020-4-26_10-53-18.png
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2020
    Kaiji_Zs, Apr 26, 2020
    Kaiji_Zs, Apr 26, 2020
    #4
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Apr 26, 2020 #5
    recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    it can escalate to more intense gay porn to acting out on it to promising yourself this will never happen again to more porn to more acting out to eventually getting caught by your friends/family.
    you have to break the cycle somewhere by inserting a therapist or some other doctor.
     
    recoome, Apr 26, 2020
    recoome, Apr 26, 2020
    #5
    marekasap likes this.
  6. Apr 26, 2020 #6
    golgi_

    golgi_ Fapstronaut

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    Instead of quitting cold turkey i think you should decrease it by half everyday like if you fap 4 times a day do 2 next day. And i think its important to understand whether your actually horny or just bored . If you ARE feeling the urge go sit in the living room or just take a cold shower . Good Luck Man
     
    golgi_, Apr 26, 2020
    golgi_, Apr 26, 2020
    #6
  7. Apr 27, 2020 #6
    Rusername

    Rusername Fapstronaut

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    I would start with self acceptance.
    You are in low point in your life, it is somewhat your fault, but you shouldnt beat yourself over it.

    I strongly believe that porn escalation tells something about the personal problems.
    Would you say that someone who escalated to sissy porn is gay? I wouldnt. There is too much of self hate in this genre, therefore i think that guys watching this type of porn have problems with their musculinity.

    Why you watch such porn? Dunno. You have to think about it yourself or with help of specialist.

    Take care :)
     
    Rusername, Apr 27, 2020
    Rusername, Apr 27, 2020
    #6
  8. Apr 27, 2020 #6
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    You are not gay. Stop watching P for 10 days and you will see that you are only attracted to women.

    P is a drug, and you develop tolerance to it. To get the same reactions, you need novelty, gay P in this case. If you break the cycle, this taste (that has been induced by P) will disappear.

    I have the same problem but now I'm on my day 9 of quitting PMO, I see my real sexual taste and it has nothing to do with men. Don't feel bad about it, but I would like you to think about this: if P has changed such an important thing in our minds like the sexual taste, how many more things has done this drug to us? I think this is a real motivation to quit.

    Being gay is not a problem. If you were gay, you wouldn't have a problem with that. But you are not. We are only addicts to this drug.

    Best of luck.
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 27, 2020
    Deleted Account, Apr 27, 2020
    #6
    Hck and CaptainFranklin like this.
  9. May 1, 2020 #7
    Cloudstephen

    Cloudstephen Fapstronaut

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    Agree, you are very much addicted to masturbation that your trigger has evolved to some form.

    It's not that your sex drive is on overdrive, your head is craving so much of pleasure, the intense craving is the problem.
     
    Cloudstephen, May 1, 2020
    Cloudstephen, May 1, 2020
    #7

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