What if trying too hard actually causes you worse relapses and binges?

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...ong-abstinence-with-binges-an-addiction-risk/

You're stuck in an intermittent-binge pattern. Which is fairly common. Now that you've recognized this pattern you need to prepare yourself much more for the 3 week mark when urges get much greater.

 

So I managed to make it for about 18 months and then I relapsed, it's tough building a streak again but the only way to do it is one day at a time, that works for me. I can tell you this, it's worth trying again and again and again because eventually you will start to build Up some strength and the extended porn free streaks will happen. Yes I have to start over but the time that I had porn free really changed me in a good way, this time around I'm not gonna be so hard on myself because I think that actually has a reverse effect on this whole thing, forgive yourself and be kind to yourself is my motto.

 

Depends how long you've been off it I would say.

If you keep relapsing/binging after a couple of weeks then all you're really doing is going around in circles, the time spent abstaining isn't enough to trigger any meaningful change. If you have a broken leg and then after a couple of weeks you go and jump on it then you are going to break it again, if you do it after two months however you might damage yourself a bit but the time spent healing will be enough to withstand it, keep jumping around on it however and you will likely end up back where you started.

You say you have PIED, well I'm sorry to say it but if you really want to fix it then you have to stay off porn - ideally forever but initially at least you need a long uninterrupted period of time away from it, after that the very occasional relapse shouldn't affect you too badly but really it's a lifetime commitment.

 

If you really want to quit then your only option is option #1 but with the right mindset, going into it saying you're only going to last a certain length of time is setting yourself up to fail from the start. We're all in the same boat, if others can do it then so can you. No one said it'll be easy but you're obviously not happy with the effect porn is having on you otherwise you wouldn't be here. Taking time out from the site might help if you feel it's affecting your mental health but I can tell you that people here are only trying to help.

Some opinions might sound extreme but would you rather people were honest or just told you what you'd rather hear?

 

Go easy on yourself dude. If you relapse then just accept and move on. Try again.

I don't know if it helps but I thought very carefully about whether I want to be in the same situation in ten years time. The answer is a resounding no and I would say this has helped me most motivation-wise.

 

I can relate to you. All i do 24/7 is think of this not PMO thing, it gets obsessed. And your mind gets really dark and takes your mind. And yes, i also react the same way on some comments that just gives you even more anxiety. I've even got to the point where i think this will take my life in a few years. And on ther other hand there are a lot of god post. I think you and i need to focus energy on something else. Not go every minute "Dont PMO, dont PMO". I think alot of people are extra tested now during quarinte and unemployment (i got unemployed), so basicully your on your on 24/7.

Mabye check in once a week or when you feel the need to do it.

I got annoyed at the daycounting and when i meet 7 days, 10 days or whatever i ease up and fail. Day by day approace as every day is the first and only day thats counts, the moment/urge your in now. By thinking "Oh 90 days" gets to much.

It sad how many lifes porn takes. It should be banned. Maybe in the future.

 

Always remember the relapse doesn't define you and neither does the addiction. Addiction of any sorts is incredibly complex and personal which means that although these support groups can help you've got to remember how strong you are in your journey to overcome this part of yourself. You keep that in mind and your not a victim to your addiction any longer. I've had a great deal of ups and downs and I finally checked out this support group because it seemed like a place to stay accountable and to find other people that truly just want to better themselves. You were off for 3 weeks, that's great! I've only been 10 days now and have tried countless times in the past to quit and when you realize that your life isn't determined by your actions today its determined by your actions throughout your lifetime the pressure is slightly eased and you can focus and plan with a calm mind. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison

 

I think this is like anything in life where you want to be successful. What are your goals? WHY are you wanting to stop this? How is it hindering your life?

For me I just want it to be over. I want to be FREE from this for THE REST OF MY LIFE! The only way I can do that is to get to the root causes and address them. One of the things I have done is I have spent a lot of time reading about the negative effects of porn. I've spent time reading about the miserable lives of particularly the women in porn, the women I used to "get off" to. I've read about their pain and suffering. I've read about their abuse. I've read truth of how they die early. I've read about they addiction to drugs and alcohol.

What I am doing in that exercise is HUMANIZING THEM. They are people and they have suffered greatly and continue to suffer. How can I call myself a good man if I am pleasuring myself to and in their suffering? I CAN'T! The only way to beat this is to create so much negativity around it that you cannot look at it anymore without feeling compassion and sadness for these people and their suffering, and suffering is just not sexy.

As @applejuice10000 stated above, your LIFE is determined by the actions you take TODAY. Your "life" is the culmination of your daily choices.If you make good choices today, and good choices tomorrow, and good choices the next day, and so on, you'll be able to look back on your life and say "HELL YES! I did well.", and isn't that, after all, the ultimate goal?