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cant forget my ex even after nearly 6 years

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by vercent99, Apr 24, 2020.

  1. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    you are right i should meet girls again because in general ive distanced myself from public for a too long time. but the thing is, i dont want to meet someone just for the sake of forgetting an ex, i want to meet someone casually who i like and that hasnt happened yet in those years (true if i wasnt antisocial i would probably have met some) and specifically searching for someone doesnt feel as genuine u feel me?

    hoping to meet a better girl, perhaps at uni after quarantine. need to fix my akwardness as well otherwise i wont make improvements, wish i can back to how i used to be half a decade ago, not shy at all, very funny guy who was social and not akward

    you are spot on mate, and when i look back i did have communication mistakes but i feel like it was from both sides. but about the things that i did catch, i did my best to communicate and i explained my feelings to her when we got back. i still think she only went back to play games with me for revenge right when i was with another person, but at the same time i cant see from such kind person, well at least in my face she was. i heard that after we broke up she insulted me (while i never did, even after all those years) and that she immediately hooked up with a new guy, so am i just an object to her or what, going from to another very quick. i had deleted instagram 3 years ago to prevent looking at any old photos, but today someone sent me a picture and she was in it, and as soon as i realized, i felt a physical drop in my heart like it stopped for a sec, i always have that when i look at her. i tried everything to forget her. however i also told myself if i meet a new girl who i love i will probably finally move on, i hope so!

    thank you i will search that book and read it

    the nofap streak?

    and thanks everyone for the responses! deep down i know i can move on, i need to grasp onto that part, i have set goals for myself and hoping to pass it with time!
     
    El Grumch and boichy like this.
  2. BlueBallsOG

    BlueBallsOG Fapstronaut

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    Found two great quotes about this:
    Movie Nothinh Hill: 'Its like ive taken love-heroin and now I can never have it again'
    Some ted talk: 'We dont move on from grief, we move on with it'
     
    El Grumch and vercent99 like this.
  3. Yes because a streak/reboot gives a man a better handle on his emotions.

    Speaking for myself, when I've been using PMO, if I felt a certain way,

    I couldn't control it as well.

    In a streak/reboot, there is control there, you can choose to not feel bad.
     
    BlueBallsOG, vercent99 and recon117 like this.
  4. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    relatable!

    doing my best trying to hold my streak! i started in march 2020 and i maximum had streaks of 5 to 7 days and now im on day 12 so i dont want to waste this good streak, today and yesterday are hard, urges are coming back. i will be honest yesterday i did see some explicit content but nothing full nudity so i wont consider it personally a relapse because i didnt do any of the P-M-O and it was a few minutes
     
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  5. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    of course you cant forget your ex. the human brain is not stupid. also, as humans we always strive to be happy. thus, your brain cant forget her, as it associates happiness with her. thus making your present day miserable. you think if only you had her you were happy and fulfilled. not only is this a limiting belief, it is a blatantly limiting belief, which should be obvious to even you. you need to eliminate it, because it is causing all the misery in you. right now, your brain is narrowly focused on her, it thinks about her and aims to get her, and whilst doing so, because it is the brain and thats how it works, it screens out almost everything else. any good thing that might come your way, you will not see, because your brain is still not working properly. what to learn from this? stop aiming for her? this cant be done so easily. the brain needs something to aim for, it needs to have a goal. so heres what will solve your problem: instead of aiming for her, aim for something that will make your life better. you might not know what that is, and that is ok, but your brain, while immediately accepting that there is something out there that can make your life better, it will also work without you even knowing to find out what that maybe. do this, remind yourself everyday, and you will be free. and remember its a process. this is from a chapter in jordan petersons book 12 rules of life.
     
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  6. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    thank you brother
     
    El Grumch likes this.
  7. Try not to look at anything that might turn you on.

    A streak is always going to be challenging.

    But you can make it, one day at a time.

    After you get to day 30-40 or so, it gets way easier to keep going.
     
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  8. El Grumch

    El Grumch Fapstronaut

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    You must start to accept she's not in your life anymore and won't, you dont need her at all. It may sound weird but one thing that has really helped me throught several breakups is crying,just listen to any song that makes u remember her and cry, cry a lot. You will feel a lot better. I'm pretty sure of it.

    Only weak men hold back emotions.


    Edit: I know you cant forget her and you won't ever. U can't also hate her it poisons your soul, remember the good moments you both used to have and learn to live with them.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2020
    BlueBallsOG and vercent99 like this.
  9. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    i believe its normal to express feelings but i dont feel comfortable crying around people, and i cant cry around my family because they will say what happened and i cant say about the relationship because its not allowed from them already because they are very religious way more than me :(

    but when i cry, i tear up without any noise and alone in my room, usually at night. Usually with music or just from a breakdown in my room from pressure and memories but i dont know if it feels good
     
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  10. El Grumch

    El Grumch Fapstronaut

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    I know, i know. I live with my parents too and sometimes it gets so hard for them not to notice me. Find a time and place where you are all alone. Your room, bathroom etc and let all those tears out, u definitely need it dude.

    I know you're strong enough to beat this!
     
    vercent99 likes this.
  11. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    thanks man :)
     
    El Grumch likes this.
  12. Well, I don't really have any sort of advice for you. But it might be because she might have been with another man. I mean, I'm not implying anything, but a woman usually loses interest in her man when she has found someone else.
     
    El Grumch likes this.

  13. I was in a lot of pain when I got my divorce. We were married for 10 years, and 4 years before that.

    That first year sucked, I was miserable.

    But working on my streak, increasing my exercise, and making inroads on other things

    helped me a lot, like writing and music.

    I have mixed feelings about spending too much time crying or dwelling on the past.

    The reason is because the day WILL ARRIVE when the sadness is over.

    Time will heal this. It is a certainty.

    Why ruin today with tears if this problem is going to be solved?
     
  14. millz5231

    millz5231 Fapstronaut

    This video helped me out too.
     
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  15. Also I've noticed that when I'm relapsed or in the chaser,

    I start to ruminate.

    It's always about some girl from my past, way far back,

    like the girl I was dating when we saw Charlie Chaplin films,

    since they were new....

    In a streak, I am living today.

    I'm working on the future, I'm happy here and now.

    I can remember the past, but it's not morbid reflection.

    I'm not sorrowfully connected to history, because today is alright.
     
    vercent99 likes this.
  16. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    Man go find some1 else. Thats a decent solution ig
     
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  17. Kojiten

    Kojiten Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thread. But I've been there, and I'm still a bit in it. I'm single for 2 years now, and DAMN I understand you. But as the first answer said, you have to keep living. Set goals, achieve those goals, become who you've ever wanted to be. I wanted to add this information: You must need to decide to not think at her. Blocking the networks is not enough. It is actually the exact same thing as no PMO : You have to be rude with yourself. You have to get back from this drug. I know that talking about her makes your heart "vibrating", that thinking at her makes the same thing. It is the drug. It is hard to be rude with yourself, but you HAVE to. Same as with no PMO, every time you've got an urge about thinking at her, you should not allow yourself this. Oblige yourself to think at something else, go take a shower, watch a video, begin an activity, whatever I don't want to know. But you have to get back from that. Respecting that, plus the fact to learn to be happy on your own and to get focused on your goals, it will take time, but you'll be alright in the end.
     
    vercent99 likes this.
  18. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    thank you everyone, i've been feeling better and thinking less. i have yet to find a girl that i am to fall in love with, but i havent shed a tear so far about the past memories. The memories sometimes come back but only once a few days and very shortly, i tell my mind to brush it off. so in general i feel like im doing way better! however my nofap streak got ruined, i need to start over.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2020
  19. I suspect that the reason you didn't shed a tear was because of PMO use.

    All you did was procrastinate the pain.

    Once you decide to feel it, you will start to get over it.
     
    vercent99 likes this.
  20. vercent99

    vercent99 Fapstronaut

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    could be true, i started again but hopefully the results stay the same
     

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