35 and Older Accountability Group

I accept that the first 30-40 days are the hardest. The urges are massive and every time I think about how far I still need to go, I get disappointed.

At this point, I am trying to utilize my competitive nature to counter my PMO urges. So yeah, I am on day 13 and I am flying up those charts.

Disclaimer: I realize this is not the healthiest of motivators. I wish you all well and I want you all to succeed! I’m particularly impressed with the new names at the top. Whoever got to 30-70 days, well done lads!

 

phew - got through it.....

 

Day 9. 1 at a time.

 

awesome work guys. one more day done. i definitely get strong urges to look at stuff that might not be actual porn but 1/2 way like instagram which i can sort of rationalize in my head since there is plenty of stuff on there that is completely non-sexual but also having urges to look at sugar baby sites, which i really don't have any legitimate reason to look at but has been a newer addiction for me before this current effort. Anyway, i'm not going to look at that stuff now.... instead I will just watch something on netflix and then sleep. good luck tomorrow.

 

What a bad day. First I used chatroom/porn/pmo this morning. My wife wanted to have sex tonight. She really tried hard but I just couldn't because of PMO. Wasn't a problem for me 10 years ago but it is now. I have to go 5 days without PMO to be able to have sex. She probably thinks she's the problem. I feel like such an asshole. Going to try to make it up this weekend. Need to get 5 days.

 

Morning everyone! Hope you're all waking up positive. If I get through today then I'll be on a week, which I haven't ever done during lockdown. Let's plan the day!

 

Funny you mention that. I've learned recently from the Yale happiness course that this is more human nature than you might think. So don't feel bad. They referenced a study where they asked people if they would rather make significantly more money at their job, but be at the low end of salary compared to co-workers, or make significantly LESS, but be ranked at the high end of salary compared to other employees. The majority chose the latter. The majority chose to make significantly less money- meaning less to pay bills, do fun stuff, have a nest egg, etc, just to have a higher social ranking against their peers. When I learned this, I thought about the 35+ ranking and honestly posed myself the same question. Would I rather have 20 more days, and be ranked between 15-20, or 20 less days and be ranked 1-5? I found that when I was honest with my feelings, I too preferred the latter. I would give up the benefit of 20 more days of abstinence just to be ranked higher. This is an exercise that has helped me to understand my motivations better and I recommend it to everyone here.

Yesterday, I got triggered by THE ORIGINAL STAR TREK of all things. fml lol. I did the math and figured out that that woman must be about 78 now. But, tying into the above thought, once consciously knowing how I felt about the ranking, I imagined PMOing to that 60's siren and visualized the leader board in my head, with it saying discovery at #20 with zero days. That is what snapped me out of it. So go ahead and keep feeling competitive Timber. It is all about finding what works and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

If anyone is interested in seeing the research article about this study, let me know and I will link it here.

 

Yes. Instagram is what ended my 132 day streak. It can easily be used as soft-core porn. I logged in for a very innocent reason, but then it all went pear-shaped, as the Brits like to say. I've since uninstalled it from my phone.

 

@discovery Star Trek, eh? I’ve never watched it and now I know why - too many triggers!

btw, your course sounds a lot like a book I read a few months ago, “the happiness hypothesis”. It’s an interesting read for sure. And while yes I understand that “relative social status” is a motivator, I do not think it is a great one. I think the difference between the science of happiness and any religious or moral system is that the social science doesn’t rank various elements but just lists them. I always had a problem with that. In my religious tradition, there is a proverb that it is better to pick the lowest seat, than to aim high in these social situations.

but honestly, confronted with my urges these days,I’ll take anything to just push through!

also I have been reading my old posts when I was killing it (which sounds kinda silly but I needed to figure out what drove me then) and I kept saying that the first 30 days were the hardest. That guy did alright back then, so I hope he is right!

 

132 days that's a superb accomplishment.

Would love to hear more about your experiences ?

Thanks buddy

 

Hi dear friends!!! Im alive
This group is very special to me because it has helped to change my life! I am managing another group and it takes time, I think I will soon have to leave my place here so that another can take advantage of it ... but I think I will stay until I see that Artifact has prepared :-D
Greetings friends!

 

Great to hear from you! So glad you didn’t tumble down in March during the Great Month of Tumble Downs!

I think you definitely deserve a diamond bowl of sorts!

 

I know, it's crazy. Original Star Trek lol. And the triggering female was playing an android as well which made it weirder.

Sorry Timber, I wasn't clear about this in my post. The Yale happiness course is not promoting socially comparing at all. It is the exact opposite. They were teaching that we should find ways to filter out bad reference points. For example, watching less TV so we'll see less of those rich and beautiful people leading exciting lives that will be more likely to make us feel shittier about ourselves. I didn't mean to imply that they were saying that we should be more competitive against each other. I only said what I said from my own point of view. If something is working, run with it. Which is what I think you were trying to say as well.

On this point, @artifact and @GottaBFree , I love how you guys have been running neck and neck with each other on the travel board. It's been fun to watch the progress. Feeling a bit of competitiveness against each other over there can be helpful.

 

Hey JJ, thanks! This was over late fall last year, and this past winter. I wrote a bit about it over that time, so feel free to go back and take a look. But one thing I'll repeat here, is that I have found it helpful to separate P and M to get back on track. So basically cutting P first, while Ming to your own thoughts, and then taking the next step to give them both up together.

Nice. And wearing your sunglasses at night would be helpful to block out visual triggers, as this is a very vulnerable time period.

Minefield is the perfect description, artifact. Good call.

 

I am so irritable and very vivid images of P keep popping up in my head! My balls feel about 10 lbs.

it’s a trying time, but I’m hanging on!

good luck to you all!

 

I hear ya! I am reluctant to use my competitiveness as a motivator. This works for a bit, but it is a bad long-term strategy. There is no genuine satisfaction to just being #1. Something else needs to sustain you and give you meaning.

I think that for the first 30-40 days anything goes! So yeah, I’m right behind you! Watch out!