The last relapse motivation

Hey guys this is going to be very long but trust me it’s worth reading and it’s very motivational.

This journey will be the hardest that I will go through in my life. Hiding it from all my family and friends makes it harder. I had a good thing going 6 days strong but I had to commit to my evil sins and relapse again jus like last week. 6 days again. I have to stop making excuses I want to do all I can now so I can look back in ten years and think wow I’m proud of my self man I achieved something hard as this. People can have perfect life achievements like become a lawyer but I know this journey will always stick with me at the top. It all still feels so tempting to go back to the binge but I know there’s light nearby. It’s not easy and it’s not getting any easier so I have to stop procrastinating the man I want to be. It jus going to be randomly one day where I wake up and im a new man. No. It isn’t just one light at the end of the tunnel, it develops over time. It’s like each checkpoint a new light is lit in the tunnel. Every time I go that bit further another street light comes on in the tunnel. It’s about constantly lighting the tunnel on the journey to happiness at the end. One relapse isn’t going to defeat me, it isn’t going to push me back to the beginning and turn all them lights off. It’s not about how many times we relapse it’s about if we can get back up and say yes I relapsed and yes I probably will fail again but is that going to stop me from becoming the man I wanna be, fuck no.

i wanna be the man I’m destined to be. I wanna be the man I can be. I’ve been in a dark place a mental battle with my brain for so long. Constantly it telling me go on another wank won’t do anything. Devolving it’s dark fetishes and addiction to all sorts of pornograhpy that’s killing me. People say and debate weather they believe in the devil when it’s in us all. Our minds poison our thoughts as it stops us from being the person we want to be but no longer I’ve decided I’m in control and I’m going to push my self to become that person.

people always say life is a circle. The cycle of life your born you die but I see it has a infinite straight line. But not the average one, a line with as many drops as possible but with every drop in the line it also follows with it easing higher again. Basically I’m saying with every drop we over come the line becomes a greater gradient. The gradient being anything your achieving or aiming for or just happiness.

See we’re not judged on our success or our achievements though but solely on our actions. I don’t want to be the shy depressed anxiety ridden boy that’s addicted to porn any longer, I want to be the man who knows how to control him self and knows how to act and can really have a loving relationship. I need to remover the poison (porn) in my life to get there. We are not slaves to adult content, we are not slaves to our minds, we are not slaves to our weird uncontrollable fetishes, we are not slaves to dominatrixs, we are our own free people that can do whatever the fuck we want. If you wanna be the creepy porn addicted guy then you can be it but if you want to be the man you dream of the person your destined to become the confident man then act upon it and change your ways. People say everything happens for a reason and it is all character building. Well that’s fucking bull shit. Bad stuff happens because it fucking happens and nobody’s going to come and save you from it especially when you caused it yourself. Stop being sorry for your self. Stop victimising yourself, stop making every excuse possible and get up and fix it your fucking self because nobody is going to come and fix it for you. Only you can fix it and only you can give yourself true happiness. We no longer sit back and let Porn take us over we stand up to it and we defeat it on our own.

sometimes I lie awake at night thinking over every horrible thing I’ve down In my addiction to pornography. It started with vanilla porn and went onto aggressive stuff like femdom. I slaved my self for them videos on Porn hub and YouTube all them tasks that I completed at home and as soon as you wank you realise they don’t care, they don’t know you, they’re jus bots on the internet pretty much. Is it worth fixating on our mistakes, that we can’t change. As I said I’ve done stuff I’m not proud of but it the fact that I’m not proud of it shows that I’m willing to change. I always did what made me feel good short term now it’s time to make me feel good long term. I wanna make my future self be happy about something and instead of fixating on every mistake that we can’t change. Hell if I Could time travel would I change them things that I’ve done fuck now because it makes me who I am. It is a part of my past and I’m ready to embrace that and get over it and forget about it. I am disgusted by it but without it I wouldn’t know it was a mistake I wouldn’t be in this position making a change would I?
A mistake today is a lesson learnt tomorrow.
Forgive your self for your mistakes guys and finally let them go and move on and become that better person.
It streaks from today my change. 6th of may 2020 will be my last relapse where I Will beat my self up about it and break down. Yes I will fail again but I’m only human and the best things bout humans is that we have the ability to try our fucking best and that’s what I’m going to do I’m going to give it my all so at my next relapse I can get up easier and continue on stronger.
We’re all in this fight together brothers.
Until next time
123Dele