Are you ashamed of your fetish?

The bit said about relationships I can relate to this , before a heavy porn addiction I wasn't hugely interested in being in one either, it was usually ex girlfriends who asked me out . generally then I was more occupied with other things , I got with girls all the time but just never really had that much interest in being in a relationship When I was in a relationship life was generally pretty great. It took me a while to learn how to be in a relationship, I wreckon due to the fact my parents had such a terrible marriage. With a heavy porn addiction again I'm not particularly that interested, simply because of the fact I'm slightly fucked up and porn addiction is part of the problem.
About 8 months ago I went through a period of abstinance and stopped porn and generally I started to notice a lot healthy recovery, normalised urges, dreams and fantisizing. Porn makes you objectify more and you have easy access to extremely stimulating stuff.

This overstimulation just seems to fulfill a need , but at a cost,

Regular life to a porn addict seems less stimulating and your brain is essentially hyjacked it's not a huge stretch of the imagination that the addicts brain stops thinking or craving normal intimacy and relationships because they are otherwise highly and overstimulated by porn which virtually has no actual intimacy or real life connection , seems like the extremely addictive excessively high stimulation from porn can potentially condition less of a natural desire for relationships,

When I stopped porn a long while back overtime things started to return to normal and naturally started thinking about relationships.

 

Where my ability to become obsessed with things comes in handy is in this regard, because I can, with a bit of early discipline, essentially "trick" my brain into wanting to do something thats actually productive and even go as far as to make myself feel bad if I dont do the thing. I used this technique to make myself go on walks every day, and to make myself want to write almost every day. The issue is its much harder to conduct this process in reverse, ie break a connection thats already there.

Its a catch 22 situation in a way. You need to move on from PMO and actually replace it with something in order to beat it, but in order to do that properly you need to have a handle on the addiction, but to have a handle on the addiction you need to move on from it and replace it with something else, and so on. What stops me from pursuing a relationship of any kind is my almost complete and total apathy towards it, an apathy I distinctly remember having BEFORE I got into porn, so who knows where that comes from.

 

I do hope that at some point I can gain a natural desire to want a relationship, or honestly even have a healthy sex drive. Its hard not to feel defective at times.

 

I'm attracted to plus size women, though I don't know if it's either fetish or just preference

 

Mine isn't too bad...

Spoiler

Double Vaginal Penetration

 

I have a bondage fetish and I have since I was very young. In fact, I was sexually attracted to bondage-related scenarios before I was attracted to women. I'm ashamed of the excesses it went to during my porn-addiction, but I don't think that it is naturally sadistic or mean-spirited. I tend to think of it more as playful when it hasn't been affected by heavy porn use and I hope that I can find a partner who will allow me to express it in a healthy way some day.

 

Regarding the whole BBW fetish, I believe it's dependent on your intention but even for a 'fetish' it seems somwhat innocent in my eyes.

 

Am I ashamed of my fetish? Absolutely. I have a sissy fetish and to a lesser extent an abdl fetish. I quit doing the abdl stuff around a year ago but I never could quit the sissy stuff which is the reason I joined nofap. It really started when I was around 12, I’d just started masturbating(to thoughts in my head about the girl I liked in school, no porn) things were going fine, there was this boy who was my best friend(same age as me) but one day he asked me to come over to his house after school and have sex because he ‘wanted to know if he was gay’. What I’m about to say I’ve never told anyone in my life, I initially told him no three times when he asked but eventually I agreed to go over to his house, when I went over there he made me watch sissy porn with him and crossdress in his big sisters clothes(he was stronger than me) he then proceeded to have anal sex with me which I didn’t enjoy. He then told me to come back again in a few days time and threatened to beat me up if I didn’t so of course me being a scared 12 year old decided to go, I done this another two times afterwards and this is essentially how I became addicted to sissy porn.

He moved school a few months later and I didn’t want to keep in contact for obvious reasons, but the damage had been done and I was now addicted to sissy porn, I’ve continued to watch it since then with my longest streak without it being 1 week. I’m pretty sure I’m straight as I only liked girls before essentially being brainwashed. That was how I lost my virginity and I haven’t had sex since then. I’m sorry for dumping this story on anyone reading this but I’ve never told anyone about that experience and I don’t know where else I would tell people about this. So in conclusion I am completely and utterly ashamed of my ‘fetish’ as it was forced upon me by this experience that I’ve not been able to utter a word of up until now, I’m hopefully now on the road to recovery with nofap.

 

I'm glad you could tell your story in a safe place. Keep looking for those safe places to recover. Thanks for sharing.


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Thank you for your message, I don’t think I’ll ever truly forget my experience no matter how much I want to but at this point in my life I need to try and put it behind me and recover.

 

I'm really only ashamed by the ones that are porn-induced. I have a foot fetish, which not only is extremely common, but I've had it for as long as I can remember and it's also the only one that sticks around when I stop watching porn. During my deepest point with porn, I don't think there was really anything too extreme to turn me on and it got to the point where what I was watching would be mentally making me uncomfortable but at the same time, turning me on, however that works. I've gotten a whole lot better than that since then, this would have been years ago now.

It's really interesting to see what things stick around and what starts to fade away while doing NoFap because you just get so used to it being there that you don't even really notice it that much until it's gone.

 

There have been times when I wish people used the spoilers button... this being one of them.

Then again, the fault is mine, I should never open such threads, bad stuff is bound to be here...

 

I am ashamed of my fetish in a sense. I would not tell anyone about it because I know I would be thought of differently. But at the same time I do not feel bad about myself for having it. I am going to go through the recovery process to try to get rid of my fetish, but at the end of the day, it will not make me feel less of myself if it doesn't totally disappear. I am 18- this is my first post on here

 

Yes and no for me.
I think if you have a wife or a girlfriend there is nothing wrong with exploring together in the bedroom and expressing yourself sexually infront of your partner.
But i think when you cant control it or it gets to the point where its not realistic and harmful then you have a problem. Like fapping to something in P doesnt make it a fetish its just a P addiction.
But I have a few activities that I used to enjoy with my ex and in the relationship context I feel they were harmless.

 

I put ashamed but honestly it's a bit more than that. I've got AGP and it's life destroying. For the past 3 months (god it feels way longer than that) it's put me through a crippling bout of tOCD (Trans OCD) and it's brought my relationship to the very brink of ending and made me contemplate suicide. I am still struggling with this.

I don't know how AGP forms, whether or not it's porn induced I just don't know. I am leaning towards it's probably innate or fuelled through very early childhood masturbation fantasies and it will be present with me for the rest of my life. I do know that sissy porn has accelerated this to the point it made me legitimately consider transitioning to live out these fantasies. It's honestly terrifying. Luckily I have a very supportive girlfriend who has kept me sane, without her I don't know what I would have done.

Im trying to minimise it's affect on my life and move past it so I can be happy in my body as a man again. I had so many great plans for the future that this bombshell discovery destroyed, and now i'm sat here picking up the pieces.

 

Same as above.
Basically impacts my whole life. Makes me depressed, socially anxious and suicidal.
What I'm not sure about though, is whether AGP is to be blamed primarily, or rather a bigger package which AGP is only part of.

 

Been into female ejaculation stuff. It's too early to tell if this was porn induced or natural but the first time I saw it, I was hooked. Not really ashamed of it. It's what it is.