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Why some people fail here and some rule?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by BornForGreatness, May 12, 2020.

  1. BornForGreatness

    BornForGreatness Fapstronaut

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    It's an honest question to you all. Why some people fail and can't get over a week while others make it to a month or two?
    Will power is like a pain killer for me. Lasts for a day or two but not more than that. And my longest streak has been of 21 days back in May 2019. I've been addicted since 2015 inspite of regrets and broken promises. From last 4 months I was relapsing every 10 days but lockdown led to series of relapses because I can't anymore go outside. So it's getting worse day by day.
     
    SirWanksalot and nirav2696 like this.
  2. Go for the streak, nothing else matters .
     
  3. Мобильный

    Мобильный Fapstronaut

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    Question of motivation. If you are content with your place in life as someone who only dreams but never acts, as someone who is limited by his fear and as someone who has no problem with that, than you are never going to quit this addiction. But if you are fed up with your suffering, if you are tired of that life of degenerate pleasure and if you want to be the true version of yourself, pure and untainted, strong and fearless - you are going to have a different outlook on things.
    The problem lies with 'why?' question. 'Why do I want to quit fapping, to stop using porn?' If the answer is weak, your resolve will be just like that - weak and vulnerable. If the answer is strong, if it goes beyond the illusive pleasure of so called 'superpowers', then you are more likely to succeed.
     
  4. I think you need to have a central goal that motivates you. Doing NoFap without a reason or desire to change is very hard.
     
  5. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    Cause of addiction, time spent in addiction, time spent recovering from addiction, family, environment, genetics, experiences, etc.

    There are a ton of factors relating to how people recover from addiction.
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Why do some heroin users get clean and some don’t?. Why do some alcoholics get clean and some don’t? Motivation, rock bottom, ability to get the help you need and the drive to implement it.
     
  7. If you really, really want the truth, then you can read my response:

    The fact is that no addict, who is addicted to anything, can do it on will power.

    Will power goes a long way. Will power can lose someone weight,

    it can get them to succeed at work, and other things.

    But when it comes to addictions, will power always fails.

    The addict finds that the more times they try and fail,

    they (me) get to a point where the odds are against them.

    If you divide this attempt by the total number of attempts, the odds only get worse.

    But there is one permanent solution, which is to do two things.

    The first is to use the 12 step method in AA. Every time you see "alcohol" or "alcoholic",

    substitute whatever problem you want.

    The other thing is to stay active in recovery. For PMO, come on this site every day and check in,

    also, avoid porn and other problem behaviors.

    This is why anybody can relapse, it's because there is no inertia in recovery.

    It's the only downside, because if you are an addict, and I am one, then

    the day you don't put in the work is like an airliner whose engines quit midair.

    They will float a little, but they are on borrowed time.

    The way addicts make it work is imagine how much effort they used to put into their addiction.

    As addicts, they revolve large amounts of their days around obtaining and using.

    PMO addicts like me aren't different. PMO kept me on a short leash for 28 years.

    The addict needs to put THAT SAME effort into recovery.

    If it means hours, whatever it takes.

    I've been in AA for 8 years, and a lot of guys get a few years going.

    Their lives turn around, they are employed, and everything seems to go well.

    Then they think they aren't alcoholics anymore, and they let go of the efforts that got them sober.

    Then some event happens and they can't deal with it, it can be a job layoff or

    even a celebration, and they can't understand why they ended up drinking.

    It's because they stopped doing the work.
     
  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree! That’s what I meant when I said “ get the help they need” ie 12 step groups, counseling, learning to put in the work, because it is a learning process. Outer, inner, and middle behaviors, triggers, and learning to be honest!
     
  9. jpete23

    jpete23 Fapstronaut

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    find something that motivates you and grip that motherfucker tight and don't let go. don't let your life get to a point where could lose everything. I didn't get serious until I had the threat of losing my wife and child. Stay the course brother. This is the way.
     
    BornForGreatness likes this.
  10. For me, the goal is easy,

    which is to spend this entire day until I go to sleep without using PMO.

    This requires time and effort expenditure.

    I come here, respond to people's questions, make a long journal entry,

    and post on other people's journals.

    Any time that is spent on recovery is money in the bank.
     
    Maddness and Psalm27:1my light like this.
  11. nope that will not work. That is called will power. Will power will fail sooner or later.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  12. Nope that won't help. Everybody's got a reason that is strong enough.

    But few put in the work to get there.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  13. Nope, not one of those are factors.
     
  14. I don't know man, I would really want to know the answer! For the first month, I have no doubt you must gain tools to don't be distracted (a cold shower, meditation, personal support, exercises, diary, nofap, right-thinking), but after the first month I believe appear other aspects of abstaining. I guess one of them is believing that you already succeeded (maximum positivity) and will of the act. Just you must train your will and faith.
     
    Mracu likes this.
  15. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    They definitely are. There is a reason not everyone is a crippling porn addict even though they may have just as much exposure as an addict.

    For example, someone who has suffered sexual, verbal, or physical abuse as a child is much more prone to picking up a harmful addiction due to how their dopamine receptors and stress systems were changed by the experience.
     
  16. BornForGreatness

    BornForGreatness Fapstronaut

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    I've suffered none of the things you just mentioned. I however picked up this habit due to some failure and then the habit never stopped.
     
  17. Sadly there is no easy way, no golden rule. You may only collect a great amount of tips to help you. You will have a hard time though no matter what.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  18. True. Most of those are factors, it's evident from a lot of recoveries/failures! Just don't let a factor become your excuse to PMO.

    There's no golden rule, that's a sad truth, but also a hopeful one. It would be really hard if we had just one way of getting free. NoFap presents some options, but everyone has to adjust them. Some might say that the 12 steps method is the best. It's one of the best, for sure, but not the only one. I didn't use it.

    Motivation is a huge factor, but unfortunately it can be deceitful. You might do it for your loved one, for God, and a lot of other things, but if you don't do it for yourself in the first place, then you'll fail. A loved one might help you. God will surely help you, but won't make a miraculous recovery for you. Then, it all comes to you alone.

    Willpower? It's a rather vague term. We think of it as one single ability while it's thousands. I have a strong will when it comes to patience, but not when it comes to addiction, for instance. Willpower, then, is a trained ability.

    So, as someone said, there are numerous factors for being a winner/loser. Otherwise everyone on our planet would be either losers or winners. There would be no dichotomy, as there would be a golden rule for everyone.
    However, the methods that are presented on NoFap or other similar sources focus on common elements that are optimal for recovery. They just won't be succesful if we don't give our best.
     
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  19. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    If your life was more or less fine and then you developed a really bad addiction to porn when you discovered it, it could be that you are naturally a little more prone to addiction and the porn itself was enough of a stressor to your brain and changed it. Porn after all is pretty damn addictive.

    Definitely does not mean you can't recover from it though.
     

  20. You are responding to a different question than the one I responded to.
     

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