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15 years addiction

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Mr.Anderson, May 17, 2020.

  1. Mr.Anderson

    Mr.Anderson Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I have done NoFap for 1 year now and the maximum streak I coud achieve was about 30 days.
    I tried everything, nothing works for me, while I relapse I always find excuses like "1 last time" or "you have done this thousends times, one time more doesn't make the difference".
    I am addicted to transexual porn, I don't even feel attracted to normal girls, I am 30 and it started when I was 15, there were some breaks though and I also had a girlfriend in between.
    Right now I am over the limit, I fap multiple times a day, I spent most of my lockdown time watching transexual escorts site and calling them at the phone just to hear their voice.
    I feel my brain tingling and I am never lucid, my attention span has become of 2 minutes, I am able to write this just because I relapsed 2 minutes ago. I was doing well last 3 days.
    Do you think there is hope for me? Should I go to rehab or something like that? I never felt the strong feelings that transwoman porn gives me with normal girls but I am sure I am not gay, I am disgusted from men and gay porn.
    I think a lot of finding a transwoman girlfriend I tried escorts a couple of times but the ones in real life are ugly and look like man with tits, I would be ok if I find a pretty one and she is not a prostitute. I just don't want to waste my life in front of a screen anymore.
    I think at my age I will never fully recover and probably I will not have a family but I can still have a decent life if I stop this addiction.
    Sorry for my long message, I have nobody I can talk about this in real life I needed to put it down.
     
  2. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    As long as you are alive and know deep down that you need to change, there is hope. You still have decades to live your life, you can without a doubt recover.

    I would definitely consider therapy and seeing how it helps your addiction.

    By the way, what specific things have you tried that have not worked?
     
  3. Mr.Anderson

    Mr.Anderson Fapstronaut

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    Yes I know I have to but I think I am not strong enough.

    I tried mindfullness, journaling, writing in a forum, softwares to lock bad contents, making rules like use my laptop only in public places...

    When I am possesed from my urges there is nothing that can stop me from bypass all the work done before.
     
  4. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    If you are not practicing them already, I would also recommend intense exercise and healthy eating.
    I think strengthening the body also helps to strengthen the mind and vice versa.

    Also, I would strongly advise researching the science of addiction and recovery. This has and continues to help me tremendously.

    Telling someone about your addiction and having someone to support you can also help a lot. If its not possible at the moment for this to be someone you know in real life, I'd recommend an accountability partner on NoFap.
     
    Jason_Lam and Mr.Anderson like this.
  5. Mr.Anderson

    Mr.Anderson Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advise, I think my problem is that even if I set up everything correctly in the moment of the strong urge I forget everything and I just want to do it again.
    An other problem it is that I don't believe my purpose anymore, I want to do NoFap but I relapsed so many times that deep inside me I think "why should this time going to better than the others I failed". I disregard myself in a way that's why I reckon I need external support from someone else.
     
    Candun likes this.
  6. RestlessEngineer

    RestlessEngineer Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, i know it is hard but there is always hop just don´t give up.
    Even though you might not be the youngest you still are only 30 and you could still have a family if you want man just believe in yourself, this can actually hep you whenever you feel the urge just think i could relapse now and set me back or stay strong and be able to live a great live in a few months.

    I have the same problem with the trans addiction and i found that when i get long streaks i get less interested in them and more attracted to girls again you just have to give your brain some time to reset and get rid of any bad porn habits.

    As for the motivation part, what helps me is not to dive into the 90 day challenge instantly but starting with the 3 day challenge then the 7 day, 14 day etc, whenever you get to one of the milestones you will feel great about yourself and keeping longer streaks is a bit easier that way.
    Also what Candum said about exercise is true it helps quite a lot even if you do a 5 minute workout you just get a good feeling about yourself because you have accomplished something even if it is a small thing.

    hope this can help you a bit and if you ever need some advice or want to talk about it you have only to ask mate,
    Good luck on your journey, we believe in you.
     
    Candun likes this.
  7. Nucleus

    Nucleus Fapstronaut

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    Bro, I think all of us here feel the greatest of compassion for what you are going through. We all understand. Now as a person with moderate success in NoFap... I don’t even remember how many days I’m on anymore, I can say that it gets easier over time. You just have to get over some important thresholds. For me, one month was important and once there, I thought another month wasn’t out of the question. So a month bu month things was good for me. Also my mindset started to tell me that the porn industry was actually satanic and that they were laughing at me for consuming their toxic product. Porn rots your would and they know it. They are laughing at your demise. This thought actually helped me because the idea that my addiction was concocted by an entity that wishes my harm, makes me conflictive.

    When my addiction was in full rage, however, I thought that my addiction to porn was just because... hey... I like porn and wanking... but this is a lie fed to us by the devil. It’s merely a set of thoughts that help me. Now I’m months in, I feel way better. Good luck brother.
     
    Rav70 likes this.
  8. roaringdog

    roaringdog Fapstronaut

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    This is so much like my own experience, I just wrote a long post last week: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/my-21-year-addiction-ends-today-well-2-days-ago.277226/
    I can tell you that what Candun has suggested helps tremendously, look up the science behind masturbation and what it does to your brain.
    Regarding trans porn, you only think you'd love to date a transexual. The truth is that trans people don't want to be seen as any different to real girls, they don't want to just treated like a sex object. But the pornstars and escorts are more than happy to take your money for a few moments of relief, regardless of what effect it has on you.
    You say you're 30 now, can you picture a future with a trans girl? Can you picture your future with any escort or pornstar, after she's washed up and the industry is finished with her? In 20, 30, 40 years??
     
  9. Well i am also addicted to that shit. Its just so fucking weird because you get everything with transwoman porn, I think that is why its so addictive. However, I must say that after a few months that “attraction” you have with transwoman porn does go away.

    I relapsed yesterday, I will write a post in detail in a few days. I didn't do PMO, but I watched transwoman porn for like less than ten minutes, keep in mind that I had a 48 day streak. But after watching it, my erection went away, but I ended up masturbating anyway without the porn jajaja and I also didn't feel an orgasm.

    Main point is that time is the only remedy for this to go away.
     
  10. roaringdog

    roaringdog Fapstronaut

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    Yes it's so weird how attractive and obsessive it gets. I'm trying to remind myself every day now that it's just a fantasy and I will only bring more misery to myself if I continue. I've seen it all multiple times, I end up watching the same scenes with the same models again and again because I'm so particular of how they must look to turn me on. But with straight porn it's more about the girl and how hard she screams and degrades herself, regardless of what she looks like.

    The absolute worst things you can do is "test yourself" by watching porn. This is only tempting and you need to stay clear absolutely. Don't worry too much about how many days you can make it, take every day differently. I got my first real urges today after 8 days, I'm feeling horny as hell but I got out for a walk and reminded myself that I won't feel better after masturbation.
     
  11. Mr.Anderson

    Mr.Anderson Fapstronaut

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    It is pretty much the same for me, the models have to "pass" otherwise it doesn't turn me on, I relapsed yestarday again, but after that I went out and walk long hours. I realised that it is everything in my head it has nothing t do with reality it is just a fantasy that as become obsessive, the best thing to do is follow your interest and fill that gap with something real, today I staryed working in a carpentry project that it was parked there for weeks and weeks.
    An other thing is loneliness I think, I am an introvert and lost contact with all my friends throughout te years and transwoman porn helped me to desensitise this feeling.
     
  12. Mr.Anderson

    Mr.Anderson Fapstronaut

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    Day 2, I had no urges so far I didn't watch any trigger material since last relapse and not even be tempted to it.
    I try to keep my mind busy with other stuff and I tried to set a 15 minutes exercise routine which I respected so far.
    I feel better already mentally and phisically and (I think is a problem) sometimes I forget about my addiction which is the main way to relapse so I come back here to read some posts just to remind me where I come from.
    It is amazing that only 48 hours since my last relapsed seem to me like a week.
     
  13. Mr.Anderson

    Mr.Anderson Fapstronaut

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    I watched some porn today, about 15 minutes, I was triggered by an old subreddit group with nude.
    I have watched for about 15 minutes, the urge was so strong and my head started tingling, I turned off the laptop and went out for a car ride but I am still tempted to watch.
    After 4 days of calm the urges are getting stronger again, what can I do?
     
    Jason_Lam likes this.
  14. Jason_Lam

    Jason_Lam New Fapstronaut

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    You can contact with me to go together.
     

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