Hopeless...

Hi guys, basically I feel at a complete low. I'll try to sum this up as good as I can without making it a pity party.

I want to change/improve my life and it's been in my head since a young age. However I can't change, I make small efforts but everything is half assed. I'd say deep down I'm not unintelligent or just some thick guy but I just feel hopeless in what to do. I still live at home, I work a dead end job and my habits are terrible. I've got messed up sleep, I smoke weed everyday after work then veg out hoping and overthinking shit.

I don't know what my dreams aspirations are anymore, my posture is terrible, I basically fap everyday but I do edging because I think somehow it's better because you don't cum properly. I feel very weak as a man too, can barely even do a pullup anymore if at all. I have some days that are good and then it just goes downhill somehow.

Any advice on organizing or getting a clear mind, I just feel like I'm my own worst enemy and I procrastinate EVERYTHING until shit gets really bad...even this I've been thinking to write for so long..

EDIT: On my days off, I just open close youtube tabs, play games, just waste my whole day completely. I don't have friends or any social life. I quit drinking earlier this year and now I've finished my weed so I'm done with that too, but everything else feels like such a mess. I try to meditate sometimes and workout but I just feel no motivation for life and I've been like this for very long.

Thank you!

 

Thank so much for this post, writing down what I'd imagine my life to be is something I've heard of but never implemented. I've been on a "journey" of self-improvement and aware of it for so long, I've also done a lot of soul searching as to why my life is like this and as much I don't want to say it it can't be ignored as it's the contributing factor and that is my family. My family system has always been dysfunctional my mum and dad don't like each other they been fighting a lot since I can remember and on top of that my dad has a very passive personality and my mum is like the man of the house, even though he's a strong guy can do all the "manly" things he never had any control of the household. I was also not meant to be born they only wanted two kids and due to this I was basically neglected (which is actually better for me as my mother is a complete narcissist) I guess I was just never given any direction, non of my siblings were really. I also know I can't blame them and I don't really I just wish I could change. Everything is such a chore for me to do, I feel like I can literally sit and just stare at a wall all day.

I had some dreams and goals to become something but just feels like it's all fading away day by day and now I think so what do I do? I've got no direction, no one to look up to..I hear from friends/neighbors that their dad helped them do this that etc and now they're in a better situation in life whereas before they were like me....I don't have anyone like that in my life so why wouldn't I smoke weed and fap and game?

Thank you I will check this out

 

Thank you man very inspiring to read your post. The thing is I've gone long periods where I have a great outlook. I think I know deep down too that I know I just have to do stuff to feel change - exercise regular, eat clean, wake up early etc but I just dont seem to do them.

I know there are some things I need to settle still, I made many wrong choices as an adult. I ended up with a bad girl and that destroyed my self esteem and just general perception of things. Even though I'm over her and defo don't want to be with someone like her I still feel her judgements of me being a loser etc and I also compare now like I think to myself when I see a guy in better shape, better situation etc I have these crazy thoughts of what a woman would think of me compared to them and what my ex would think and that she probably gets turned on by those guys. It's crazy because I don't think about her in any other way and dont have any desire to be with her but it's like all that stuck and still haunts me. Then I think has that made me feel worse about myself it's almost like I truly believe I'm a loser. It's become a part of my daily thoughts. I've hindered myself on everything due to this. I was always a very competitive person, played sports a lot and then got into competitive gaming which gave me the same feeling as sport and I wont get into it but I've faced top level players in games and done well but I always felt afraid of success or something like "Nah I can't be this good" even though I'd show it. I also learnt how to do graphic design, video editing and drawing. I wouldn't say I'm a total deadbeat but I can't get a grip

Sorry for the rant, another thing is I don't have anyone to talk to at all