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Long PMO sessions (many hours), edging addiction & extreme withdrawals, PAWS

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AspiringVitality, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I can say that I have. I had regular panic attacks for a few years at the peak of my edging sessions. Can never say it will never happen again but fortunately it's been a few years. I'm 38 now and have recovered in many respects. However it appears to be a slow process if you were really addicted, so be prepared for it to take a while. Don't do what I did and take 8 years to give up. I had some decent streaks during that time but I know that I can't go back to it ever.

    28M, been an addict since 15, and have engaged in marathon edging sessions since 18. I’ve had varying degrees of success with nofap over the years, the longest I’ve successfully abstained being 50 days approx. That was a long time ago.

    Lately, however, I’ve found myself suffering from intense panic attacks, those “I’m going to die any second of a heart attack” badboys. I can only assume this is due to my ongoing dependence on porn.

    As others have mentioned, I also struggle with symptoms like fatigue, joint pain and tension. I like to consider myself a well-educated person. But over the last 12 months I’ve started to feel stupider. Other symptoms make me worry that there might be something seriously wrong with me.

    It’s ironic, isn’t it? Like many, I embraced PMOing as a teen because it provided me with a sanctuary from my anxiety. Now it seems to be the predominant source of it.

    Even going a couple of days is tough rn. Out of curiosity, have any of you in my position managed to get out of this hole?
     
    MSTie likes this.
  2. MSTie

    MSTie Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I appreciate the responses. It’s encouraging to hear about other people’s successes. Makes it feel attainable as a goal.

    Regrettably, I’ve already been trying to kick this thing for nearly 8 years. The worst thing is, over that period of time, it’s been getting tougher. Maybe it’s due to my brain’s diminished neuroplasticity now that I’m north of 25.

    It’s been 9 hours since my last hit and already I feel my chest tightening. It’s going to be hard to find the momentum to get going again, but I need to try. I’m sick of feeling like this.
     
  3. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    We became heavily addicted at a younger age so that means 2 things;
    1. Its going to take us longer than expected to heal
    2. We'll always carry this addiction with us so we need to stay vigilant for the rest of our lives not to fall back into it

    However we're not broken.

    But we have been kindling our brains by quitting and relapsing over and over. This does a lot of extra damage and as a consequence our healing will be even more difficult and take even longer.

    But then again, we are not broken and we should do what is best: break the cycle of relapsing for once and for all.

    We will heal eventually.
     
    Dave G 123 and MSTie like this.
  4. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    After a significantly long time dealing this this whole process i have come to a few conclusions. In my experience a relapse makes my withdrawals significantly worse. My latest relapse bringing on the worst withdrawals so far and the first 6 months of my reboot was truly horrible. I am at 10 months in 3 days and i am still going through long flatlines with very horrible symptoms. I would like to add that after my last relapse i felt pretty good after the first week, so please dont be fooled if you feel ok after a relapse because it is likely that withdrawals may hit harder.
     
  5. oldpunk

    oldpunk Fapstronaut

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    Some words about edging based on my rather long experience: Don't do that. Just don't.

    I have mostly masturbated by edging for almost 30 years. Together with porn it really kills your ability to get excited about real human beings. Edging keeps your dopamine levels elevated for long periods of time, resulting in sensitization for porn and desensitization for everything else. I have wasted way too many weekends of the only life I have for edging marathons, stayed up countless of nights watching porn and edging.

    Today is my 36th day without masturbation and porn. I am not going back to my old ways anymore.
     
  6. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    It reminds me of people who smoked and thought there was nothing wrong with. They could not perceive any negative consequences and who can blame them as the info was not yet available. Info about the consequences of porn is really just coming to light now, and from what I have seen from my own experience, coupled with those on this site it will inevitably impact you mentally, spiritually and emotionally

     
  7. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    I've had a similar experience, but I would add that it has ruined my physical health. It is crazy how much this sh*t can affect you. Don't under-estimate it. I've been trying to quit for 12 years, and those are years I can't get back.
     
  8. MSTie

    MSTie Fapstronaut

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    Yes, those are years we can’t get back. It feels kinda depressing that I squandered my teenage years and most of my 20s on this — though I don’t have a bad life by any stretch of the imagination.

    I guess we’re fighting now for a better future. And if anything that’s more important.
     
  9. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    Ha, how about your teens, 20's, 30's and 40's!?

    Regrets? I've got a few.
     
  10. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    As someone who also has had a decent amount of relapse binges (few weeks/months off and then few weeks/months on), I can confirm that the kindling effect is real. But the weird thing is, sometimes the symptoms get worse during a relapse binge period but sometimes not. And during streaks the physical and heaviest mental symptoms are a LOT less than other streaks. I think there is a lot more going on on a physical and spiritual level than we know.


    The thing that has been consistent though is that when I start to feel a little more vitality and clarity (sometimes after 3 weeks, sometimes after 10 weeks) emotional memories start to come to the surface along with some nostalgia, a sense of "homesickness" to some periods and people in the past (esp. one ex GF) and other emotional pains.
    And a little later the urges start to get heavy.

    I never have gone past that phase in recovery, but I can only imagine that if I'll stick to my streak long enough my brain and emotional body will start to heal and actually finally PROCESS the things that needed to be processed in those moments themselves to begin with.

    There are some people who genuinely have no psychological/emotional/spiritual issues that cause them to be addicted. I may be one of them, because I think a lot of these problems were created during my addiction years while still functioning, by building and building the emotional load without my brain and mind being able to process all the positive and negative life experiences due to the huge ongoing chemical imbalances, massive sleepdeprevation, etc.

    But who knows, maybe there is an emotional/spiritual imbalance that created my addiction in the first place. There's just one way to figure out: keep up the streak and be mindful of what comes up.

    I don't think people have an underlying depression that is being masked by PMO though. You either already feel depressed during your active use (so it's not actually masked although you might feel temporary distracted during the edging/fapping itself) OR you get a depression afterwards during flatline due to the chemical imbalance from withdrawal that just needs to be plowed through.

    Either way PMO and edging are very damaging to every system of your being. And quitting will ALWAYS be the right choice. Always.

    After withdrawals and PAWS we will be out of the woods for the most part. The worst thing that could happen is that your brain and mind will start to bring issues to the surface that you can now face and deal with for once and for all.

    Just do NOT relapse ever ever again
     
  11. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    Don't forget that porn is inherently addictive, especially in its current form. I don't see why someone who has no real emotional problems to begin with wouldn't become addicted to it purely because it is like cognitive crack cocaine. And it's ubiquitous, and actually hard to avoid. This then sets users up for a whole shitstorm of emotional, mental and physical problems "downstream" from the initial hit.
     
  12. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. I hate it when people assume there must be emotional pain behind or underneath this addiction. I mean it could be the case but in most of us the addiction got hold by just baiting our reward system and procreation system.

    Just like that experiment with the butterflies where the males start to ignore the real females and distracted by beautiful, bright, fake butterflies

    I mean people also develop the most weird fetishes while on this addiction because every random cue can be coupled with the dopamine system. When I read about people becoming addiction to fart-fetishes... I mean WTF. That is just plain old dopamine rewiring in action. You activate a high pleasure response by hijacking someones brain with sexual input, while simultaneously put another completely random thing in the vacinity, do this a couple times and voilà you created a fetish in someone. It is LITERALLY like a dogs resonse to some bell you ring and their mounth creates saliva because you've always ringed that exact same bell while giving a cookie.

    How does this start in the first place? Well we humans also have a system that creates excitement through 1 novelty and 2 shock and awe. So that's why someone might click on these kind of very weird clips. Its because of the curiousity and exploration system. Our brains are made for constant learning and trying to figure things out. So if someone is scanning through a pornsite and sees things that have nothing to do with normal sex or is even somewhat disturbing or gross, he 1. wants to make sense out of this situation and 2. it creates some sort of positive tension because of the weird novelty.

    So when a psychologist asks "Why do you think you got addicted?" Or "Why do you think you are especially attracted to this certain fetish?" We now know what to aswer.
    9 out of 10 times I'd say it's not some underlying psychological issue


    The only way to delete it is to abstain for a good while from all sexual stimulation and than reintroduce only and I mean ONLY normal vanilla sex for a good while.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2020
    Freeddom_Taker and Dave G 123 like this.
  13. Well explained man!

    4 days ago I've seen the fart fetish thing and couldn't even see what the fuss about it. And it seems to become some sort a norm on those sites.

    Sometimes I laughed at some those fetishes when fapstronaut mentioned them on this forum.
    To rejoin you, I used to make sense of anal, ts, and dp. Then later I found myself binging in them. Now I'm trying to be cautious to stay away from old fetishes and newer ones as well.
     
    AspiringVitality likes this.
  14. oldpunk

    oldpunk Fapstronaut

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    Guys, it's also good to remember that there are kinks and fetishes that are not porn induced. For example I have had one weird kink way before I was exposed to porn. Also, we don't judge nor laugh at people based on their kinks here. We carry enough shame on our backs already, there's no reason to add onto that weight.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2020
  15. Not sure if I replied to this post already as its fairly long, but edging to porn is 100% the worst thing you can do to your mind and body. Its like really intense stimulants for your mind. I personally term it the heroin binge session. Because the results on your mind long term are deveastating and takes at least a week of recovery.

    It might seem like fun, fapping to your fav videos etc, and some people say it helps you last longer as you can keep yourself going longer and delay your ejaculation so when you prepare for real sex... you can last longer? Sadly that myth is a pile of crap.

    You probs most likely know PIED is a common symptom of long term PMO. So drop the habit now if you want a natural sex life in future.

    The more concerning thing for me at least, and why I call it the heroin binge is because of the amount of dopamine which builds up in your mind during the 'session'.. just think if you edge for 1 hour (or similar) then do it again later on.. Maybe 3 times in one day. Imagine how much dopamine your head is enjoying... to highly stimulating porn. It takes weeks and im sure in some cases, many months to wear off. When you get off, believe me, normal life seems invaluable. You don't appreciate the smaller things. Because your dopamine was used up on fake porn. Hence why you might feel bad after the sessions.

    My tip is never edge to porn..you are better off just doing it super fast and releasing it!
     
  16. MSTie

    MSTie Fapstronaut

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    I don't think I've ever discussed this elsewhere, but there have been instances in the past, during these marathon edging sessions, where I've begun to hear voices inside my head. Just little strings of nonsense. Nothing meaningful. It almost seems like a form of auditory hallucination. Or as though I'm in a dreamlike state, not quite awake. Edging myself into this state can't be good, can it?

    One of the first things I tend to notice when rebooting is my ability to recall my dreams. In my dream last night, I was on a shoot (a common theme since I'm a filmmaker). I remember calculating shutter angles and struggling with my phone, eventually becoming so frustrated that I snapped it in two.
     
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  17. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    I agree!

    Judging and laughing are two seperate things though, and honesty is something I consider a more virtuous trait than political correctness. I too have been into quite humiliating kinds of fetishes.

    But being able to laugh about something (not at something) is just being human and healthy

    And yes there are always some fetishes that are not porn-induced and seem inherent to someones personality. However they should not and will not be distorting normal sexual activity and experiences, and usually not part of an addiction.
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  18. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    That is definitely something people have to figure out for themselves. I can tell you however exactly where these symptoms came from in my own life. It was more simply than i originally thought, but took me a long time to figure out. See alongside my PMO addiction i was a heavy gamer and extremely competetive. Usually what would happen is on occasion i would get angry/stressed and i would relieve that stress via PMO. This spilled over into other areas of my life and started to become a crutch to relieve stress, usually each day after work. Its as simply as that for me, so yes all i have to really do it wait it out, which is working just painfully slow.
     
    AspiringVitality likes this.
  19. Ricardo26

    Ricardo26 Fapstronaut

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    so this means your not going back to sex not even sex with a woman
     
  20. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    You say that your longest streak is 50 days but your counter says 468 days?
     

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