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I have noticed my low mood is much worse when I stop my addictions?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by skaterdrew, Jun 2, 2020.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    So I live in the UK, and recently in the UK we have had really nice weather, really nice warm sunshine, and it has lasted constantly for over a week. This is quite unusual to get this weather constantly like this where I live in the UK. I am someone who really likes the warm sunny weather. I am also someone who really enjoys drinking alcohol.

    So recently near enough everyday I have been sitting out my back garden in the warm sunshine drinking, sometimes having friends over for a drink ext.

    Today the nice weather ended in the UK, and the weather forecast doesn't look like there's going to be good weather for a while.

    So I decided after today I am going to try and cut down on my drinking, and also try to stop porn and artificial sexual stimulation. Well I have been off porn and artificial sexual stimulation for two days again, but I am really going to try to stop that altogether.

    But tonight I am sitting here and I have a very low mood, because I know how crap it is going to be. I feel like without that nice weather, hardly drinking, and not on porn or artificial sexual stimulation at all, I just feel like life sucks. I will still go out loads of walks, work in the garden ext. But I just know it is not going to thrill or excite me much.

    See another thing I think that happens is I am not actually happy with the way my life is. I do want more and other things in life. But I just feel like I basically can't get these things.

    What I think happens when I am PMOing regularly, or when I was out drinking heavily in that warm sunshine with friends recently, is I do still get low feelings and get unhappy with my life even when I am doing these things, but it's as if by doing these things it is enough to block out how I really feel, it is enough to block out that I am unhappy in my life, it is enough to block out those constant upsetting feelings and thoughts, it is enough to block out that constant boredom.

    But then when I stop doing these things all that constant boredom returns, all those constant upsetting feelings and thoughts return. Then I am much more feeling like life really sucks, and this causes me to feel really terrible.

    It's as if I want to be numbed by these addictions. I am not actually happy with my life doing these things, but by doing them it is still enough to block out all of that other bad stuff. When I am not doing them nothing is being blocked out and I seem to feel much worse. I more experience extreme boredom, sadness and worrying.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2020
  2. Hydrodamalis

    Hydrodamalis Fapstronaut

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    You are quite accurately describing the dangers of escapism. We all find ways to flee from the harsh reality, but when those ways dry up or vacate from our consciousness, all we are left with is the harsh reality we tried to flee from.

    Not all escapism is bad for us. Enjoying nature and socializing with friends are excellent, perfectly acceptable ways to get life to suck less. Taking substances like drugs (e.g. alcohol) has its pros and cons--helps to better the mood, but can seriously affect the body and mind if taken too much. Compulsive PMO--now that one we know is bad. People have all sorts of other escapist tendencies like videogames, shopping, etc. and they all have their own factors that make them pros and cons in our lives.

    But at the very root of escapism, we're presented with a problem. By its nature, escapism tries to avoid, forget (temporarily), and altogether ignore the elements and factors of reality that we don't like. In that way, we spend less time confronting reality, and so when we are forced to return and experience the harsh reality again, we are less prepared to deal with its shittiness. That makes us weaker and more prone to suffering, which in turn sends us back with a stronger need for escapism. That cycle can spiral out of control, and people can lose their composure--or their entire grip on their lives--at the smallest obstacle.

    When we do not distract ourselves, the overwhelming problems in our reality bring unavoidable discomfort. What is the way to deal with the absolutely shit state of reality? To look it straight in its maw, and have the courage to face it continually. I don't mean to submit yourself to awful experiences over and over. But to more often than not, be aware of reality and its emptiness. At its bleakest: reality is boredom; reality is pain; reality is suffering. And we as humans, have found escapism tactics to cope with that bleak reality. However, the more time you spend escaping, the harder it feels when you come back / come down from the highs of escapism. Conversely, the more you spend "staring into the maw of reality," the easier it is to deal with.

    One thing that can be said about a lot of methods of escapism: they don't add lasting value to one's life. Drinking makes one feel sauced for a while, until the body finishes metabolising the alcohol and one is left with a hangover. Temporary escapism, and the come back to reality is worse than before. Going on a shopping spree feels great to get new things, but then the things eventually feel old, and we are left with less money, which can make daily living harder if gone past a budget. See what I mean? The temporary highs make the after-part of living harder.

    But not all escapism is like that. There are, of course, enjoyable things in life that don't make us worse off when they're done. Like the ones you mentioned: communing with nature brings us closer to the natural world and offers us a sense of unity to the world; connecting with friends increases our social bonds and can help each other with our problems, making more than one person stronger as a result. Happiness is free. A lot of people mistake consumable objects for happiness, though.

    Another way to "fight reality" is to develop habits that are constructive, accumulative uses of one's time. At its bleakest: reality is boredom; reality is pain; reality is suffering. BUT, reality is also potential--the potential to become more than we are now. Learning a new language. Learning to play an instrument. Independent study of an academic field you're interested in. Getting in touch with your creative side and doing writing, art, etc. There are tons of resources online for that stuff and all kinds of other productive hobbies. This kind of past-time develops you as an individual in a way that provides permanent, lasting benefits to you as a human being. They might not be "fun" at first, and will certainly take a lot of hard work and dedication, but with enough effort put in you will see yourself grow and gain satisfaction in what you've done. It's the opposite of temporary high escapist tendencies: these are long-lasting positives, even if they feel a bit tough on the short-term. And you know what, they will also help the time fly by when you wish you weren't thinking so much about how life sucks. But they will be far better for you than short-term escapes.

    Modern society has created a trap for every person living through it. It forces us to assume unenjoyable activities to make ends meet, and deal with a load of problems that people wish they didn't have. To combat this continuous pain of living, the modern society offers us plenty of vices and consumable escapism to forget the pain for a while. But reality always comes back after we fall for those temptations, oftentimes worse than before, because those "cures" for reality are actually another contributing poison, with the bottle falsely labelled so that the makers convince us to buy into them. Plenty of traps in a world of sinister snake-oil salesmen.

    So instead you need to clear your mind and be aware of which forms of escapism are good for you and which others are nothing but tunnel-vision to hide from reality (and make it worse afterwards). I'm not suggesting you become an ascetic monk who denies all guilty pleasure and short-term highs. But striking a balance will do you good. If you can spend your valuable, fleeting free-time with 75% dedication (or more) to pursuits that build you up as a better person on the long-term, the other 25% where you waste some resources on the short-term will be more worth it. And it will be easier to come back to reality after the times spent on that 25%, because you will have built yourself up to be a more resilient and fleshed-out individual who can stand on their own developed foundation, and find support in the way they've created themself. That 75 / 25 is just numbers I threw out for no reason. You can find the split and the balance that feels right for your own life.

    Good luck! And enjoy what you make of your life! You have the power to make your life better, but the first step is to stop hiding from life itself. Because the more you hide from reality, the less time you spend there. And time spent in reality is the only way to manifest oneself as a human being. Distractions do you no good in the long run.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2020
  3. @ntm@n76

    @ntm@n76 Fapstronaut

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    You have to replace drinking and PMO with healthier alternatives. Things that release endorphins. Exercise, reading, building something out of wood. Tap into your creative side. If you don't what that is, thinks about it for a moment. There's a more to life than drinking and PMO. Self reflection is a powerful thing. Be objective about yourself, your skills, your passions. Hopefully you will find some answers within that. I relapse yesterday after an 8 day streak. I would have relapsed much sooner had I not implemented some things to keep my mind occupied. I would play guitar, exercise, and I'm even building a king size headboard and footboard for my bed. The point is to keep your mind occupied and find out about you. Hope you that helps. Good luck!
     
  4. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Yes, this is the addiction cycle:
    1) addictions block out how you really feel.
    2) And that makes you feel worse
    3) So you need to go back to 1.

    The freedom cycle:
    1) You admit how you really feel
    2) Find help in processing these feelings
    3) Feel happier and lighter
    4) When feeling is low again go to 1

    The choice is yours. I've been in the addiction cycle and am now learning the freedom cycle. Processing feelings isn't easy, but it's a million times better than staying addicted and going down the rabbit hole.
     

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