85 days hitting the 90 day mark

LONG POST

Im about 5 days away from what they say is the reboot stage. But I honestly dont feel a difference, that said we are in quarantine and I dont know the extent of whats become of me just yet. I have a pretty cute barber and it felt very similiar to how it was before and my interactions with girls hasn't gotten better and my confidence is still the same, but the reason itself is obvious. I dont talk to a lot of girls! Nofap might help some people with confidence and unearth an latent ability with women but for me its like as if nofap is the pedal of a bike and learning to ride a bike is more than just turning the pedals, like how getting girls is more than just nofap. Masturbating might be one of the many problems for me that I struggle with. But talking to them is another skill that I need to learn just as avoiding porn has become a skill in of its self, except this is alot more of a challenge that many men struggle with these days.

If im completely honest I think I might be in the flatline stage due to not having any sexual attraction toward girls or anything for that matter, I feel very asexual as if I were castrated or im a 80 year old man whose lost his libido. For being 19 its kinda scary when you see a hot girl and feel only the slightest of attraction, but nothing like it used to be. Porn is obviously more exicting when I think about it and has been very hard to avoid but successful as of now. I've cought myself looking it up on reddit here and there but quickly jump back into it and try my best to avoid it. Crazy how your mind will go to extreme lengths to get a certain amount of dopamine in your brain and not look for other better things, it truly is a monkey brain. Like it makes you feel like a zombie as if it is BEGGING you to just masturbate and look at porn.
Best way to describe is like that part of your brain is like you dragging a nagging kid around who doesn't want to walk while up hill. And so you put a lot of energy and effort carrying that kid around and constantly hear the crying. moping and the begging and you cant shut it up, that feeling that feels like it will never leave.
Its real tiring and some days I think, "whats the worst that can happen if I relapse? I dont feel much now and masturbating felt really good before." I do come back and every time it feels like im putting someone back on my shoulders and walking up again. Every time I feel like its progress and eventually the kid will be tamed and walk with me, instead of being carried per se.

To get it out there ill say that nofap is not the answer but a part of the piece that is necessary. Just like the people who say cold showers make you happier and make your skin cleaner, its not really the action that is the cause but the will to do the action that is the cause. Cold showers are hard, especially early in the morning when you're most comfortable in your bed and something so uncomfortable is not on your radar. So getting up, taking your clothes off, and turning that nob to cold and jumping in for a solid minute takes guts. Doing that makes you feel strong and confident, and makes you think that "Damn, I know that none of my friends do that!" You get a sense of pride and along with that your mood gets better and you feel like a superhero. Its not the action that reaps the benefits but the WILL to do so. The cold shower doesnt make your skin cleaner or make you immune to disease or colds. However its actually your will that increases your mood and a happier person is a healthier one.
Its the same with nofap, where not alot of people want to stop looking at porn, and stopping takes guts. You might get wet dreams, and you might struggle with HOCD and want to look at porn to prove to yourself, you might feel this urge that just makes you want to lose it all and get back into it. The will to do the action is what drives you. I dont really think that getting rid of porn means that your testosterone goes into overdrive and you can lift a car or some shit. I do believe in neurogenesis and I do see that porn addiction and avoidance can be a positive for people who are addicted like myself. However the true culprit for your success is the will power that increases your motivation and feeling of power. I dont feel like this just yet however, but I do see how it could be played out in the future.

Not alot of people quit porn, alot of them might see this as taboo, like, why in the hell would you quit something so good as porn they might ask. But you and I both know that what this problem is and what others say is their issue. In the next 10 or 20 years porn addiction might be treated like a cigarette addiction where in the 20's they saw it as a normal and healthy aspect of their lives, that even kids who were 12 and up did it and it was a norm. Sound familiar? Porn is introduced to the masses and kids get involved and the addiction rates will only grow stronger now that the internet is becoming based on how much dopamine can they make you feel. Porn is more extreme now than ever before, and kids that are much younger than me are seeing these extreme fetishes with ease. I seriously see this being a huge problem in the future. Where porn addiction is going to be a serious cause for concern and might be seen like a cigarette addiction, because who knows? Porn might caused health concerns in the future of heavy users like a cigarette. We've never seen this much porn in the history of the human race, my grandfather has only seen a tit probably a handful of times in his lifetime, while I and many other people on this site have seen hundreds in the span of 10 years and the more porn grows so does it audience. We dont know the problems that comes with internet porn as well as we do with cigarettes and other drugs. This is very new just like internet addiction, and it might be a huge problem in our future.