Why would you keeping searching or masturbating even if you aren't even enjoying it?

This is the case for any dopamine driven addiction. (which is like all of them?) Gambling addicts don't do it to win, they gamble to gamble more.

 

In Natasha Dow-Schulls book on machine gambling she even notes how some people feel a let down when they win, although if it's easy to keep gambling they'll of course just put the money back in the machine. It's about the experience.

 

i dont know

 

Novelty seeking, remember the Coolidge effect? And that in general is not going to work well for actual sex with people for the simple reason reality may be too boring for the porn conditioned brain.

 

habit.. made it a routine and must stop it

 

One of the "positives" of addiction is that they imbue a person with a sense of purpose. When I'm caught up in the throws of mine, I know exactly what I am supposed to do. The fact that I am limiting my options takes a back seat to the fact that I know what my options are. Real life is like an open world choose your own adventure game without a clear set of rules. Addiction is like a mini-game where everything is spelled out for you. The exact machinations of your unconscious are anyone's guess. What matters is how you use your time day in and day out. Obsessing over the details of your last fap probably isn't all that useful. Not trying to be disagreeable, just sharing my point of view.

 

Nicely put, I would just qualify the last point a little in that the details can be viewed objectively in terms of a relapse report, but there is certainly a difference between focusing on one detail vs. a broad comprehensive analysis. Personally I think of a person was to get serious about it they would fill out a form they put together when they were clear headed, a lot of data points as far as time, events before and after, subjective stated, biochemical factors (diet/medication) just a whole overall picture, and not only the immediate behavioral and affective state during the act. IF people do that, which is a big if the data can be useful.

The point about purpose is interesting, I think that's why I'm not interested at this point. Granted there is a general disinterest and lack of purpose in terms of how I'm feeling about life in general, but PMO is certainly low on the list if it makes a list at all. So even on a cognitive level there is a certain clarity. I may also be feeling tired/lazy but what little effort I'm going to make to move through life isn't going to be looking up P either, I sure don't have the energy for all that searching.

 

I think a lack of purpose is at the root of a lot of our problems as a society. I'm glad you've currently got one. I am formulating my sense of purpose. I have a few mutually supportive purposes I think. Or maybe just two. A sense of career direction that is designed to support my religious and spiritual direction. But I am in transition. My pornography use is like an old purpose that just wont die. A self regulation mechanism that can whip round and become a self destruction mechanism. Speaking honestly with people here seems to help.

 

Skatedrew, your post describes my behaviour too. I actually look at pictures of naked women to arouse myself, rather than the other way round. I'm glad you shared this as it is something that I wouldn't have given much thought to otherwise. It shows the power of habit and repetition can eventually outstrip the initial impulse that started the cycle.