100 Days Without P or M - The Ultra Marathon (Started on May 15, 2020)

I remember how I relapsed when I was on my longest streak of 111 days.
I was using this new search engine which does not track too much of your searches as Google Chrome does. I thought let's test if the Safe search actually works or not. I typed in some of the searches I wasn't supposed to be typing and boom! Images triggered, escalated and lead to relapse.

Better leave your porn blockers as is You are doing great! Keep fighting!

 

Day 24

 

74 to go my friends
Nearer and nearer

 

Happy Evening
Day 05/100

 

Congratulations to all the runners who are still in it! Great job so far, stick to it!!!

 

End of Day 26 >> First 24 hours in a while where everything felt pretty good! Glad to Report!

 

Strange urges - need input asap

Hey all hope everyone is well
So this evening as I am going to sleep obvs with my recent streak I have learned to keep away from porn and I never touch myself or edge etc (hence no PMO).
However this eve I had several arousing thoughts - thinking back to scenes, websites, over the course of my life. Some were quite mentally stimulating just to think it... anyhow arousal is strong and then I feel myself fighting it.

But then I question myself... am I fighting it? Or am I enjoying it? Surely the enjoyment of such images in my head is still part of the problem? Or is it different? Also as the thoughts in my head become stronger it is almost inevitable that arousal down below is bound to increase. I already woke up with morning wood this morning as well. Does this have something to do with it?

I really would like some perspective on this as I don't want to relapse unintentionally.

 

On to day 37...
Yesterday I had little bit of urge and I was able to control that easily.

 

You mean duckduckgo? I once relapsed because of that browser.

 

Just did this 20 min focus meditation, I feel great after this. Think I should concentrate on building meditation habit, since I felt huge cravings before that meditation, but afterwards they seemed like distant memory + meditation boosts your cognitive functions which already have been damaged because of PMO + it just feels great(forget about the benefits of meditation and just do it for the sake of it).

 

Yes funny how little you can do to improve your mood, but also funny how hard it can be to sit down and do nothing.

 

Stay strong guys

 

Yes, that's right.

 

Guys sorry to say I am no longer part of this race. It was a pleasure to 'run with you all' and I am proud to hit day 26 days; however I have some learning to do before I can go further.
It was an insightful experience and wishing those in the race the very best to day 100.
I remember how upset I was after my first relapse after 25 days, thankfully this time I am not as bitter to myself and will use it as a learning curve.
I will be setting myself some short term targets for the near future to get back on track.
Thank you for the support over the past month it certainly means a lot to me - and like many others who started the race and dropped out - I will be here to cheer you all to the end goal.
Will be preparing and training myself for the next challenge @Jefe Rojo - August 2020!

 

Sad to hear that man. Don’t worry pick up your self and start from scratch.