Feel Like I’m Drowning

I'm right there with you man. No tips because I haven't gotten to 30 days in about a year. But it's doable. I'm going for 30 right now I'm on day 1 again. I use porn as an escape as well. My strategy moving forward is to think of how bad it makes me feel after I m when the urges come up. I will also move locations and do something else in the meantime. I also have lots of p blockers. I'm going to try and get difficult tasks done in the morning.

 

Yeah for sure. No it hasn't worked lol I just relapsed. But it is still good to get work done in the morning.

I have a problem. I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. I look for every dumb little excuse and dumb reason to m. I get in such a crazy state. Was able to resist a couple days but then my mind just offered some dumb excuse to do it and I took it. I think its a combination of staying busy, state management through excersise meditation and yoga, and p blockers that will lead to success. I'm so sick of this . So over it. I want to succeed.

 

"Urges that come like rogue waves" Hmm, I'd say that you just have to ride the wave as best you can. It's natural to have urges and I think the shame of them doesn't necessarily help us overcome them. Some amount of shame is natural too and I think healthy, but when these urges come on us we aren't willing them upon ourselves, so it's no good to feel ashamed of them and of ourselves because we are working on overcoming them.

Not that shame is necessarily your problem, but I see PM as being a multifaceted problem and shame is one aspect that plays into it. Everyone's a bit different because everyone who is or has been addicted to these two things used them to cope with various things. Boredom, depression, anger, shame, and other things I'm sure.
You might start examining when these "rogue waves" come on and find that they're not so rogue at all. For instance, I'm usually tempted in the morning and the evening, which is why I've made it a habit to check this website during both times of the day. Like you said in your second comment, it's not only bittersweet but truly helpful to know that you're not alone in this.

As far as tips, well, I like to think of PM as a drug and one that I'm quitting. No one looks down on someone for deciding to quit alcohol or cigarettes or harder things besides. Thinking of PM, and especially P, in the same way as drug addiction is beneficial for two reasons: 1, it destigmatizes it in a way and helps you to see that PM is not some secret disgusting thing that only you do but nearly everyone suffers from it; 2, I said so haha. Well, on the other hand, on top of destigmatizing it and taking the unnecessary weight off this problem I think it also gives the problem a healthy amount of weight. How do you quit smoking? You stop smoking. How do you quit PM? You stop using PM. Is an ex-smoker going to have urges to smoke? Absolutely. Likewise, you should expect a lot of urges for a long time and that's fine.

One last thing, get an app or a calendar or some other way to track the days you don't use PM and that will help you immensely. If you don't track and hold yourself accountable you can't progress. And seeing what days you do relapse will help tell you why you did it.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Hope this helps. God bless!

 

Read these 2 books and you can beat your previous record easily, since you are a changed man after you read book.
http://audiobookbay.net/audio-books/you-are-not-your-brain-dr-jeffrey-m-schwartz/
This books tells you how to deal with bad habits and how to think correctly when urge comes, I use methods from this book everyday, I never let my urges overcome, since I think correctly(And this is not the method of saying urge does not exists.).

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/6-years-clean-rebooting-as-the-best-remedy.135983/
This second book is from Chinese Fapstronaut called Soaring Eagle, he will tell you everything you need to know about Nofap.

 

And if at first you don't succeed... Just keep going!
This is a longer fight and the longer you abstain, the more your brain will heal. Just hang in there and reach out anytime you are in need of support and help!
I found it immensely helpful to immerse myself in new "hobbies" (stock trading, kite surfing, squash etc)
Good luck to you, mate!

 

Stock trading? Have you made any money?