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My story...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by s3cr3t123, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. s3cr3t123

    s3cr3t123 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi.

    I am a sex/porn addict. It has been going on for many years and its taken me down a very dark path. I dont even know if I am welcome here.

    I saw my first porn magazine when I was very young, watched vhs pornos with friends. Then I moved on to the internet...

    It started out quite normal, watching regular internet porn a few times a week and I was content with that. However, I found that I was getting bored with the normal blondes with big tits porn, it just felt fake and bland. I moved on to asians, mature, anal, amateurs, bdsm etc. After a while, all that became boring and I moved on to more extreme stuff, things that really shocked me when I watched it the first time, but I still came back for the "kick". I started watching things that did not turn me on, things that I dont get aroused by in real life, things I regret that I've ever seen.

    Its like when I am watching porn and jerking off, my brain stops working until I ejaculate. Almost instantly after I ejaculate, I become "normal" again and filled with regret and disgust because of the things I just watched a few seconds ago. I decide to never do it again, but 1 or 2 days later, Im back at it and the pattern keeps repeating itself. Every time, the thrill, the regret and the disgust I feel becomes a little bit weaker but its still there, haunting me. I am actually happy that I still feel that regret and disgust, because without it, I would be truly lost.

    This behavior has made me depressed and I have big problems with anxiety. While watching porn, the anxiety is gone and its all about the thrill, but afterwards the anxiety slowly builds up again and the circle repeats itself. I need to stop this before its too late, before whats still left of my moral sense dies completely.

    I engage in a similar behavior IRL. I visit prostitutes because of the thrill and how simple and easy it is. You pay for sex and you get sex. You can pick and chose yourself who you want. I have probably had sex with 100s of women by now, but I've only had 3-4 sexual partners I did not pay.

    This is just the tip of the iceberg, there are a lot of insecurities and other issues that plays a part in all this, but it needs to stop. I dont know if this is the right place, because its not just about "fapping" for me.

    I guess I will find out.
     
  2. | Nico |

    | Nico | Distinguished Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Welcome to the community :) glad you could join us. Anything we can assist you with let us know. Wish you all the best on your journey. Take care
     
    palindromo and One Eyed Owl like this.
  3. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap!!!
     
    palindromo likes this.
  4. s3cr3t123

    s3cr3t123 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!

    Thanks!

    Thanks, I will look into it!
     
    | Nico | and Deleted Account like this.
  5. @s3cr3t123 cool man, whatever you do, do whats best for your recovery, good luck bro!
     
    | Nico | likes this.

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