Need advices on how to stay focused on this fight long term

You might consider the possibility that it is possible to change your mind and not just fight it with another part of your mind. Not going to say it's easy or simple just that it's possible. It seems many in recovery are not even open to the possibility so that in itself might even be considered revolutionary.

 

Congrats on the long streak!

I'm at a similar length of time clean to you and I've realised the recovery goes far beyond a 90 day reboot. I'm fully expecting that it might be years before I properly consider myself to be recovered. A lot of it depends on how long you are addicted for and how bad it was.

Something you might want to ask yourself is why you still want to PM. Are there any particular situations when urges occur - when you are bored, stressed, etc? For me I know that times of stress, especially if they are because of relationship issues, are the times when I'm most likely to get urges.

Good luck continuing on with your journey!

 

First off, hats off to making it so much days clean!

I can relate with what you are going through. I stayed clean for over 400 days, found my woman. But recently relapsed.

Here's what I learned

• when we began our journey, we were absolutely convinced about the need to end this addiction for good. We must have suffered the negative-side effects of the addiction, like brain fog etc...but as we had a decent steak and the negative effects disappeared, we forgot our truths regarding how hellish this addiction can be, and gave in to the pleasure cue.

SOLUTION : Remind yourself of the absolute unproductivity in indulging in crap. And the absolute worthlessness and stupidity in going back to the habit. You can easily stop craving for P if you are constantly aware of the stupidity of indulging in crap again. All you have to do is to frequently affirm the worthlessness in indulging, if you realize the futility in going back to this habit, the urges will drop by itself!

• Don't feel afraid of P, Feel fucking pissed off at P! Give P zero value in your life! Perceive the absolute worthless of P. P is so worthless that it doesn't even deserve to be feared! It deserved to be spat upon, discarded ! I quit smoking 3 years ago. I have friends who smoke. When I see cigarette, I am not at all tempted, because I know how harmful it is to my body, and that smoking is totally unproductive. I abide by this realization, and the urges drop on its own! Its been 3 years since I've been free from smoking.

When we fail to abide by the realization of the futility of indulgence, temptations arise. But when we remind our self of our crap beginnings, and the stupidity of indulging again, we get back our power.

• Get busy living your projects. I slipped recently because I was in lockdown. I had lots of time, couldn't go to gym, or go out for a walk. Temptations came, I forgot my past pain, I relapsed. Once I restructured my life, and filled my days with meaningful tasks, there were very little urges. I shared with you the insights I learned from my latest relapse. I'm now over 20 days clean and reminding myself of the stupidity of going back to crap keeps me grounded.

Hope this helps! All the best! God bless!

 

It's definitely a long term project..