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Day one again..trying to quit for 5 years

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AndrewF747, Jun 12, 2020.

  1. AndrewF747

    AndrewF747 Fapstronaut

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    Hello all,

    This is my first post to NoFap as I am telling myself today how serious I am this time. I just deleted Gigs on Gigs of pornography.

    I started watching compulsively after breaking up with my GF back in 2012. I am 28 years old and found my first porn picture at age 15. 2012 is where my addiction started to seriously affect me as more websites added videos I was seeking out.

    I never felt the same since 2012, I feel like I don't make memories anymore. Nothing is interesting enough to give me a great memory. I'm assuming it is the dopamine loss from my porn use. I even have a wonderful GF now that I have been with for over 2 years but still feel empty.

    I cannot convince my mind that is is the cause and I need more proof. I've gone very deep in the 5 years of heavy addiction. I've tried to stop countless times, longest i went was 48 days in 2016.

    My porn tastes have changed dramatically to a point where I seek out actual violence/Heavy BDSM etc. Curious to what is on the dark web etc. It is embarrassing to admit, but I have a serious problem

    I hope somebody in this group has gone through something similar. It amazes me that even after watching such terrible things, I keep going back to get that high of dopamine. My current life feels empty.

    Andrew
     
    fishfoody and Ogikubo like this.
  2. Sorry to hear that the addiction has consumed you so much. I hate to say an overused adage, but the longest journey starts with a single step. You just took that step by coming here for inspiration. I hope you recover soon. Best of luck to you! :)
     
    fishfoody and AndrewF747 like this.
  3. AndrewF747

    AndrewF747 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
  4. AndrewF747

    AndrewF747 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Brother, your story so far has been a difficult one, but the good news is you want to change. It's impossible to do so without that desire, so good for you. Remember, that is no small thing.
    Others will disagree, but can I ask that you at least consider seeing a professional therapist? You need to talk about your life with an empathetic listener. You need to hear yourself speak, which is more powerful than writing here on in a journal. If you make the step, remember that you don't need to walk in and announce your deepest, darkest secrets. Take some sessions to talk about whatever is on your mind. This also gives you the chance to decide if that therapist is the right fit for you.
    I have been in therapy off & on for nearly ten years. But I didn't even realize I had a problem with PMO so I never talked about it until early 2019. Once I did, I began to make real progress.
    Anyway, this is about you, not me. Please consider my advice and I wish you the very best. People here want to support you.
     
  6. AndrewF747

    AndrewF747 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!

    Not a bad idea honestly, I will look into this.
     
  7. AlexFlorence

    AlexFlorence Fapstronaut

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    I would say the same brother, professional therapists could help you find other problems in your life
    Porn is evil but you know sometimes it is just a cause of something else, try with a therapist so you'll fix eventual deep issues and you will wuit porn much easier
    Don't stop now my friend, wanting to improve is the key to success!
     

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