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Inferiority complex.. and women

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by R2DToy, Jun 15, 2020.

  1. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    Heya,

    Have any of you had this problem? I've been thinking to myself a lot and wondering what's going on, why I am so damn shy with women and afraid to express myself.

    Talking to men is going OK, but as soon I have to talk to women - and obviously those who you find attractive - I just get really nervous, get quiet, feel ashamed because I have low confidence with them, the whole shebang. Basically I never felt 'good enough' to be around them, but I think it's same for work/career; never felt 'good enough' to apply for a better job than the most basic of jobs.

    I also think it's got to do with confrontation, the fear that the type of women you are attracted to are not attracted to you. It's really easy to forget and get sucked into these thoughts that no women who I find attractive like me.


    I've been * trying * to read things like Double Your Dating ebooks, but I just really fear all the 'changes' I need to make in order to be better around women. It also seems like a daunting task to turn the whole thinking process around. It feels like what they're asking me is to change myself completely, which obviously a hell of task I don't think I will be able to see through.

    Women are a really sensitive subject to me as I never had any relationship, at 35 years old now. I know I'm not ugly or stupid, but you're not going to get anywhere without the proper confidence.

    I ended a extensive therapy a few months ago, as I was able to maintain my mood myself. I slowly came from a huge depression that took about the 10 last years of my life.

    Often I think to myself.. why don't I just do and say what I want? Within the lines of course. But the question is; why do I hold myself back? Where is this fear coming from.

    So, just wondering if there's any of you who has had experience with this inferiority complex thing?

    Thanks.
     
    Knighthawk and Deleted Account like this.
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    You want the price without any effort? It seems that you are looking for a magic pill that will make you better with womans. It doesn't exist. Women love confident men, if you are not one, then you need to work to be confident.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  3. This happens because when You talk to men You don't give a fuck about they think of You. But You do when talking to women.

    Try talking to girls (and this may sound bad i know but also girls do this) that are a 5 or lower i mean that are not attractive to You at all.
    This Will help You raise your confidence when talking to girls.
    And keep in mind, girls know when you fake it. Keep it real, If You want to Bang her and not a rrlationship make her see that. She Will preciate that.

    Don't give a fuck What they think about You. Maybe You work as a recepcionist in an hotel and You think women will laugh about You If You talk about that, okay, I know because I do codes for games as living and I been there. But take this as an advantage for You. How?
    Laugh about it man. If You laugh about yourself THATS CONFIDENCE, girls will notice it and being attracted to you.
    'haha thats funny but not as funny as What i do for My living tho' (mistery)
    She May ask, she may don't give a fuck about your life at that moment.
    If she does 'what do You do?'
    Then you gotta make her laugh about something really stupid You Say here, she laugh okay she feel safe with ya, keep the light there for 2 more min and leave with a well it was amazing to talk to You but I gotta ... (Can do a joke about your living again) but we can meet later ........ Take her number whatever, she will want more fun If she had.

    Bro, it's easy. It's practice. Start practicing.
    Start by going to gym, get a good look (hair, clothes), practice with non attractive to You girls.
     
  4. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut


    So this sounds a little like something I went through awhile back. Obviously I don't know anything about your situation other than what you've posted here, but I'd bet quite a lot that this has something to do with your past. If it was me, I'd get into some CSAT therapy and talk about childhood issues to see if that might be where this problem stems from. That was definitely the case with me.

    Best of luck!
     
  5. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Here's the thing about personal growth. We do need to change. Sometimes, we need to change something about ourselves to the point where we're basically going to grieve the loss of our 'old self' and temporarily reject our 'new self' because we actually fear that success these changes will bring.

    You can't have change without pain... But you can make these changes in steps.

    Do you need to lose or add weight? Are your weekends quiet and in need of hobbies and events? Do you hate your job? What is your current hairstyle and wardrobe situation? One by one we can change this stuff...

    If you want a guide - a book called Models by Mark Manson is what I would recommend. I followed it, got a few things in my life back on track, and was just starting to approach women before the rona kicked in social distancing.

    It may also be worth acknowledging our fears are not all rational with dating. There's evidence to suggest our fear of going and talking to an attractive women comes from caveman days. The days where you may only have 2 or 3 chances IN YOUR LIFE to procreate. And that in the event of approaching an attractive female, you may encounter opposition from an alpha male. No wonder these things can get the heart racing after thousands of years of that!

    But it this realistic in a safe democratic society? And do you think you've only for 2 or 3 chances of walking up to a girl and convincing her to date you?

    Facts are we all get rejected when we try, but it's 99% a very nice "thank you but I have a bf, sorry!" And unless you're in a night club the chances of some 'alpha' dudebro engaging you in a challenge is next to 0.

    Finally, you can try talking to women as just friends. No no, I'm not talking about the friend zone, just simply talking for the experience of personal connection. This is valuable in learning how women act, getting used to being around them and communicating. You may also find some good friends.

    I hope there's something in this wall of text that helps. These things take time. Try smiling at women as you walk past in the street, this is basically what I'm doing until the rona is done.
     
  6. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys.

    The talking to women that you are actually not attracted to - it's a good tip. I will do that more, regardless of it feeling a bit 'pointless'. While it's actually not.

    When I see and want something I always want to go straight to it and get it - often with little effort - that 'instant gratification' thing I might've gotten used to.

    I do hate my job, even though I have a good job. I just hate working for a boss, the direct obligations, basically people telling ME what to do.

    And yes, I recovered from a long depression and feel like it's still lurking around the corner.

    I can't say I've never gone on a date, but let's just say I can count them on two hands. I've approached a number of women when going out, come to think of it, a bunch of them were interested me, but I never went ahead with it because I wasn't fully attracted to them or they were women with serious mental issues. Maybe I created my own pitfall, rejecting my oppertunities, although I always rather wanted to be able to say 'hell yeah!' rather than 'she's allright'.

    Or maybe I'm just an arrogant demanding ***hole. I don't know. Anyway, small steps. Gotta remind that.
     
  7. I get what you mean 100%. I don’t feel like I’m good enough to talk to most people. I usually have the thoughts that they’re wasting their time by talking to me as I have nothing worthwhile to say.
     
  8. Have you ever read the rational male by Rollo Tomassi?
     

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