35 and Older Accountability Group

I found out the longer the streaks and the more rare the relapses are the more you are starting to make clear thoughts and realise why you want to make some changes.
When i end up in a relapse cycle those thougths start to blur until they faded out completely.
Usually writing about those thoughts here or in my diary helps me recover and understand a lot of things so i would say seeing a counselor would work and benefit you.Just be patient!
Sometimes i wish i had the courage to do it for myself.

 

What I've been discovering in my last relapses:
I know very well why I want to quit PMO. But I also know why I use PMO. And I use PMO to run away from problems that I cannot find the solutions for. If I want to quit PMO for good, I have to solve those problems: anxiety, self-hatred, insecurity. I don't yet know how to do this, but I keep trying.

 

Day 6: fighting with incredibly severe urges, but not giving up.

 

I have been having them a lot lately (which are extremely rare when I am PMOing). And it is exactly like you described. They are really nice, and very satisfying. There's always a strong sense of intimacy to them, much stronger than the pure sexual element, so they don't trigger me as long as I don't dwell on them afterwards.

If he's seeing a counselor... then he's already a patient

 

Thank you @artifact and the whole group for the help you have given me and the strength that communicates reading your posts!
Congratulations to @JJ_Kino !

 

I reset today back to square one.

I feel bad but I've seen what 78 days can do it's fkn amazing!

Gonna get there again and beyond.

Let's all start now.

Sorry I let others down just stress.

 

Let's all smash it, everyone one of us starting now.

 

I feel like I’m making progress. There are now lots of old triggers which used to get me that are not there any more.

self sabotage and “to hell with it” seem to be 2 I haven’t figured out yet either.

Not giving up is a good place to be through

 

Happy Thursday everyone!

I've not felt the need to come here at all for the last week, which I think is probably a positive sign but, in any case, it's time to check in.

Preach!

My last relapse before discovering nofap, I had been doing just fine for well over 2 months - best "no P" streak for years. But something changed (I still don't know what) and, over a period of several days, I could feel my willpower gradually fading to the point where I had no resistance left. There was nobody to talk to about how I was feeling, just my own internal feedback loop. And from there, well...

I was under for months.

A thousand times this.

 

Thursday morning check in. Keeping busy....Thanks for last few posts everyone - starting to get me thinking about real reason for regular PM.

 

I might be in my worse negative spiral since I joined this forum. Perhaps lockdown has finally caught up with me. My old addiction patterns are really winning at the moment. Wish me strength, guys.

 

You can do this!

 

Checking in for thursday morning. Yesterday I hit 7 days of no PMO. Haven’t made it a week in probably months. Feels good. Probably the biggest factor of why I hit 7 days is because I avoid youtube and other social media like it’s heroin. There is triggers left and right on those sites.

 

Lockdown did not catch up with you, and you don’t need anymore strength; because you have all of it you need.
Whatever is causing you to fail at nofap, you appear to be doing it over and over again. You’re not learning from your mistakes. If you keep on running into a brick wall over and over again (instead of going around it) is that not the definition of insanity? If you do today what you did yesterday (and the day before that), do you really expect yourself to get back on track with nofap? Look at your recent day to day pattern of behavior. Then pick out a few areas that you can make some simple changes so you can join me at 7 days. In about 2.5 days, I’ll be in the double digits at 10 days; are you still going to be at 0 days? Pull yourself together, man. Everyone in this group knows you can do it. Now go and do it.
I’ll be the first to admit that porn and masterbation is addictive. But let’s also be honest, it’s not nearly as addictive as something like heroin. There is no reason in the world why you can’t put together just one 24 hour period.

 

You're absolutely right. And I know I can do this. I've gotten to 30 days already a lot of times, and once to 56 days, in the beginning of this year.

I know what mistake I made three weeks ago, when I blew my 30 day streak by indulging in a fantasy. I know never to make that mistake again and I know I won't. But my experience has always been that once I blow a streak, I get in a negative spiral, returning to the same mistake, and then it takes me some time before I manage to stop that cycle and start over. I'm frankly amazed by myself that I have such trouble this time. But perhaps that's the problem.

Thanks for being tough on me. I guess I need to be way tougher on myself.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I’m currently at 7 days. But you know how long it took me to put this steak together: months. Because for the longest time I was in that downward pattern. Forget 24 hours. You have to get to 3 solid days of no PMO. Once you get 3 solid days under your belt, then mentally and physically you got some momentum to work with. Then suddenly there is some light at the end of the tunnel for hitting 7 days and then 10 days. So like I said, forget 24 hours. Get to day 3. But also make no mistake about it; because you are currently in a binge, (and because you haven’t seem to found your root reason of wanting to quit PMO) you are going to have to grind it out; and that is a horrible play to be because you’re going to have to do it on “will power.” And will power isn’t usually the most reliable. But so what. Just do it.

 

Thank you so much for encouraging me. And what you say has been my experience as well: after 7 to 14 days, I get in a really different headspace and it gets so much easier to not look at aything. Because I find that the memories of all the images and stories have faded by that time, so there's not this pattern anymore that I can slip back in automatically.

Where I then went wrong every time is that at some time around the 30, 40, 50 days I start thinking that some things are okay that really aren't - like indulging in fantasies or taking a peak.

As for my reason to wanting to quit PMO, I just wrote down this: I want to quit PMO and indulging in harmful online distractions because these habits feed into my false belief that I am worthless and powerless.

Do you think that's a valid reason? I'm asking because I know now you'll be very critical if it isn't, and that's really what I need now.

 

My reason is similar. It's all to do a sense of self worth, of "being better than this".

So I think it's valid.

It's also difficult because of the self-destructive demons which will be hanging around, just waiting to throw you back down again. Stay strong - it's really bloody hard, but you can do it.