Please read, I need help.

In my opinion, you could really benefit from going back to infrequent masturbation to natural thoughts/scenarios. All this time you’ve spent disassociating your sexual reward circuits from porn will go to waste if you manage to relapse before having real sex again. Maybe wiring yourself to get off to a natural gentle touch will allow your sexual release to associate itself with a more pleasurable experience instead of expecting the porn viewing experience. It will probably make you realise that you’ve overcome pied due to your increased sensitivity. Just a thought. May be controversial. But I believe the reason why a lot of people fail, including myself on numerous occasions, is because they go a huge amount of days PMO free but just end up wiring their sexual reward circuits back to porn after they have one relapse and eventually go into fuck it mode. If you had a sexual release once every couple weeks while imagining a non porn influenced natural scenario of a real girl, your brain will quickly get used to that idea. It will give you a good indicator where you’re at and you’ll realise if you are still physically numb and desensitised or if you’re just overthinking it a bit.

 

If erection does not happen, it is not because nofap or the lack of sexual touch for a long period. Your penis cannot forget how to get hard don’t worry. It happens when you are not relaxed. I would suggest you to have a girlfriend who your trust. So if erection doesn’t happen she will be your partner to cure it together she will understand. But a girl from the club that you just picked up for a night won’t help you. Finally sex is not something that must happen. Nothing must happen in life. Just accept what is and how things are. This gives you easy feeling. Have a blessed life.

 

In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with 'meaningless' sex. If you want some sex, and you have a consenting partner available, go for it. Sex actually gets better with time and experience, and I think its quite unreasonable for so many of us to put so much pressure on ourselves for our first times. Don't fault yourself for being less experienced/skilled. We all start as beginners. Those 'happy' people are simply projecting their insecurities onto everyone else, and they're not who they'd like you to believe they are. If you want to be confident, you're going to have to take some social risks, and be vulnerable, and realize that it's very normal for you to need some time and experiences (positive and negative) to get a grip on life and figure out what makes you radiate with energy. You should try reading a book like, The Power of Now, or something similar. I think your brain is looking for avenues to express itself and it would really benefit from new perspectives. Wishing you the best friend.

 

That the fuck are you talking about. Not everyone is "normal" and happy. There are a lot of other people just like you, having to deal with all those things. Being a virgin at 19 doesn't mean anything. Who tells you when to lose your virginity?!

 

Man we’re here for you. I can relate to the pain you describe. You feel like you’re on the sidelines wasting your life away trying to fight addiction and everyone else is getting through life with ease. That is NOT the case. It’s an illusion. Everyone has problems and this is yours. It’s hard—but make NoFap your primary focus right now, things will naturally come to you. Just take it easy and do things you enjoy for now that don’t involve pmo or triggers

 

Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. Who's making these rules and guidelines? You can be the one if you want. You have a say in this. Right now you are dealing with philosophical and psychological stuff here, I highly recommend getting some books or watching some videos on this stuff. We may not have power to change everything, but we have the power to change some things, and a lot of this is within your reach to do so.

 

Your questions of self worth are something we can't tell you how to fix. You have to answer that for yourself and don't be afraid of searching for what you want in your life. Trust me no one gives a shit what it is as long as they can live their lives. Besides, being a virgin is better than being a fuck boy since it shows you're conscious enough to understand your drive for sex and save it for a more useful time. Society doesn't dictate who you are and what you have to be, the media is filled with unconscious people anyways. Make yourself happy on your own terms not on everyone else's.