New Member, New Life: 2 Weeks In

Greetings fellow Fapstronauts! (Shouldn't it be Fapstronaughts? Anyway...)

This is likely to be a long and meandering post. Grab a snack, a refreshing beverage, & settle in.

I'm officially on day 14 of my nofap journey. Let me just start with woah. The benefits (& flatline!) are real.

I'm a 32 year old male who had been fapping since ~age 5, though pornography didn't really come into play until age 11 or so. Yeah, hypersexualized youth. Family (not sexual) trauma. Mom & dad (& then stepdad) were heroin addicts (as a lot of Gen Xers were). Went through things like hearing mom get thrown to the floor by a drug dealer she owed money to in the middle of the night while hiding in my (great) grandmother's bedroom.

Eventually adopted & raised by grandparents. I was a good student up until around 4th grade, then my performance in school started slipping (uh huh...) I'm intelligent (134 IQ), just was inexplicably (or so I thought) lazy when it came to my studies. Muddled through grade school & high school. Graduated with a C+ average. With a little better work ethic it easily could have been a 4.0 GPA. Just never had the motivation to apply myself (odd...)

I became sexually active at age 16. Looking back on it I first started dealing with (PI)ED at age 18. Ended up dropping/failing out of college. Yep, in hindsight it's because I spent late nights up PMOing.

I've always had fidelity issues in relationships because nothing fights PIED like the biochemical effects of a new partner. At least until the newness fades.

Ultimately porn/PMO addiction lead to me getting into compromising social situations that (rather publicly) crushed a budding career path for me.

Depression from this chapter of my life lead to drinking. I didn't take my first drink until I was 25. I knew about the genetic predisposition to addiction given my family history but I was going through a rough time. I rationalized it as a socially acceptable coping mechanism. Mind you, even at this stage I never thought PMO was a problem. All guys (and most girls) do it. Totally normal. Right?

I didn't connect my ED problems with porn use. I'm not exactly a testosterone laden guy (something I've joked about since 7th grade btw). I'm straight (though I suppose that's a debatable point given some of the fetishes I'd picked up from porn exposure), but assumptions about my sexuality have been made over the years because of the way I present myself. Millennials & Zoomers reading this. Notice how much less manly/more effeminate we seem than the Gen Xers & Boomers before us seemed at our age? Read on...

Eventually THE relationship fell apart. You know that one partner/person you seemed to connect with on a biochemical level from the moment your eyes first met? Yeah, I lost her. Part of it was my depression issues brought on by my loss of dream career (which she was with me through), part of it was caused by a lack of regular sex, & part of it was from her discovering aforementioned infidelity. In any event, she tried to sleep with one of my subordinates at the job I was working at the time. I found out, it lead to me losing my previously promised promotion, she left me, & ultimately, lead to me losing the job I had.

I was deeply suicidal at that point (I have been suicidal to varying degrees since I was 8 years old...Laying out the timeline for a reason) . I lost 2 careers & the love of my life. I'm still deeply in love with her by the way. Over 5 years later. She's gone down the full-blown SJW feminist path since & is beginning to hit that stage where she wonders why she can't end up in a long-term satisfying relationship.

My alcohol use became quite heavy. Fortunately, someone who started as my customer and is now my best friend, became my roommate at about that time. He shepherded me through the worst of it. He's an alcoholic to this day so he more enabled rather than assisted with that particular crutch but, I'm still here thanks to him.

I ended up in another relationship which was never consummated because of depression & PIED. Probably for the best. She had a bit of an unhealthy codependent relationship with her friends.

There's no other place to add this but as I'm editing before I post, I wanted to mention of the roughly bakers dozen sex partners I've had since age 16, I've only been able to climax through intercourse with 2 of them. I can tell from showering that I'm regaining the sensitivity I remember having my "first time". Yes, this is worth it.

Drinking did lead to one positive (though I don't recommend it as a crutch. I'm just telling you what happened). I met my now-wife. I was going out to the bars a lot with my friends. Going through 2 pitchers of beer 3-5 nights a week. As it happens I'm a fairly gifted singer and was out celebrating the start of a new job with a night of karaoke at the bar. She started flirting with me, I flirted back, and we've been together for 5 years.

That night was our first date. We were walking around town outside the bar together. I warned her I was borderline Asexual so if that wasn't okay, run now. She didn't. At about that time, drunk female best friend (since high school.) asked for a ride home. I didn't feel intoxicated. I wasn't acting intoxicated. Sure, I'll give her a ride home.

Well, a mile from home, I got pulled over for not using my turn signal. Got booked for DUI, and spent the night in central booking.

Fortunately, that didn't put the woman who is now my wife off.

Went through the ARD process. I had no prior arrests, & it's now expunged from my record.

In 2017, just after turning 30, I decided it was time to start taking better care of myself. I had always struggled with my weight & had been bulimic off and on since I was approximately 17. Nothing like your grandmother/stepmother berating you for being fat to induce an eating disorder. This time, I did it right. No sugary sodas, no alcohol, and 1000 calories a day. Did that for 6 months. Went from 280lbs to 195 (I'm 6'1). I still PMOed. My sex life was still abysmal, but my relationship held together. I maintained that weight and in 2018, my wife and I got married.

My goal weight had always been 175, but the motivation to lose that last 20lbs was just nowhere to be found. I've worked for the same company for 2 years now. Life for me has been going just fine, again except for the lack of a real sex life.

I married someone who is a good partner. She's also struggled with weight, an abusive mother (and a string of abusive significant others). I think she's always looked at a lack of sex as a small price to pay. While I lost 85lbs, she lost 40 and has been stuck between 230 & 240 (she's 5'9). Her weight compounded my PIED problems. While we started out on a fairly even keel, we're now at significantly different ends on the attractiveness spectrum.

Through COVID quarantine (Coronacation if you will) I continued my PMO self abuse. I gained about 5lbs. Then summer weather hit. I started walking 3-6 miles a day AND I got my wife to join me. The serotonin benefits just from daily exercise are great!

Little side tour here from the storyline. A sidequest, for the gamers out there (something I've never really been). Most of my friends through the years have been female. For whatever reason talking to women has never been something I've struggled with. Remember best friend who kept me out of the abyss when she-who-shall-not-be-named wrecked my world? Yeah, for most of our friendship he was the pretty one, yet I've facilitated 4 out of his last 5 relationships. Including his current one. He just cannot talk to women. I've been to the bar with him and had an attractive girl literally throwing herself at him and he couldn't close the deal. Wonder if he suffers from PMO addiction? He & his current girlfriend had lots of sex when I first set them up (so she told my wife). Now it's been months since they've been active. He's 6'4 & judging by the last time I saw him, currently weighs over 300lbs. Some variation of this story is told to me by every female friend I've spoken to. Guy starts off really into sex with her, then it just fades until sexual activity is almost completely nonexistent.

The light went on for me when I was talking to a friend from my days at the job where ExApocalypse happened (is that a quaint way of putting it given 2020 thus far?) She's conventionally hot, an absolute dork, and a nymphette (& porn addict). Her boyfriend, who can't be much older than me, if at all, needs ED meds to get it up. Her sex life is boring but she's in love with him so it's okay. He also chooses gaming over taking her on a trip to pound-town. I remember her (abusive) ex before this guy being sexually difficult for her too. That dude was an MMA Fighter. Yeah, this was my Ah-hah! moment. Not the only girl I've heard stories like that from, just the one who woke me up.

Before any of you ask. Yes, my wife knows about those conversations.

I was already well on a path to personal betterment. Better still, I had wifey motivated and coming along on the journey with me. Why not see if I could improve the only facet of our relationship there really is to complain about, our sex life, by giving NoFap a try?

I'm a red pill to begin with. I know a certain well known "fight modernity" NoFap proponent personally. I just never took it seriously. Porn use & masturbation are ubiquitous and have been for my generation. Moreover, I actually, even now, buy the science that masturbation probably has certain health benefits. Porn addiction and the way it rewires your brain is the problem. That we've been experiencing it since mid-childhood is the reason soy-boy is almost the best possible outcome you see for Millennial males. A lot of us are fat, lazy, effeminate, & passive.

Days 1-3- I wasn't super committed. I half-heartedly started PMOing, but didn't finish. I wanted to give this a shot. Yes, the blue balls were real.

Days 3-5: Huh. Waking up in the morning is a lot easier! Definitely have more energy. Deleted all pics & porn vids from my phone. Gotta see this through. Definitely have to give this 2 weeks at least.

Days 5-7: This is the most difficult time. Fortunately, COVID lockdown was over and I was back to my 10 hour a day job. I kept committed to my excercise routine and wouldn't you know, the insomnia I'd struggled with since I was a child is all but gone.

Days 7-10: I -thought- I had a wet dream on day 9. No signs of a nocturnal emission though and we currently (completely coincidentally) have a black sheet on the bed. You'd notice. Panicked over whether or not this would count as a relapse. Google fu says no. Cool. Debate having sex with my wife to take the edge off. Decided to continue in Hard Mode.

Days 10-13: it gets easier every day. The flatline is real, though. Read somewhere "the eyes want sex, the body says 'meh'". Yep Accurate. Aunt Flow came to visit my wife so, continuing on Hard Mode is simultaneously easier & more appealing. That said, wife commented I'm being more affectionate these days.

Today: Woke up and didn't even think about the fact I'm doing Nofap. It's just a normal part of life now. The morning erections still haven't come back and I'm still definitely in flatline overall, but that's okay.

Other benefits: I'm down to 185lbs. Wife is down to 230 but looks thinner than she has in years. Fat to muscle conversion is a thing! My motivation is keeping her going (even though she has no idea I'm doing Nofap. I'm hoping once the flatline ends an improved sex life will be a wonderful unexpected surprise for her.) I'm normally good at my job. I believe NoFap is helping make me great. I have closed every single sale in my first week back at work.

I've gotten a job offer from a competitor that will allow my wife and I to move to the same state as her best friend.

I'm sleeping better without having to rely on Zquil. I have almost infinite energy through the course of the day and am having no issues staying committed to daily excercise and better diet.

Interest in various fetishes brought on by porn exposure is fading rapidly. Things that once were appealing now evoke revulsion.

Looking back, I can see how pornography and PMO wasted so much of my potential and so much of my life. Looking around I can see what it's doing to so many others. I'm 14 days in. I'm committed. I'm not going back. I'm in control of my life. Fuck pornography. Fuck the 0!

 

3 weeks in as of today. Still going strong. Made more $ at my job last week than I have at any time since I started working there 2 years ago. Can verify the test boost is real. Voice has deepened. Sleep is easier and deeper. Lost 2 more lbs (as did my wife).

If you're reading this & contemplating starting a Nofap lifestyle, do it. Do it now.

 

Glad to help!

 

Officially in "normal" mode now. Achieved climax with my wife through intercourse for the 1st time in the 5 years we've been together. I'd always covered for my PIED by stopping when I could tell I was about to lose my erection & using avoiding accidental pregnancy as an excuse.

Not only was it enjoyable for me but it boosted her self esteem immensely.

The reality was before I embraced the NoFap lifestyle I couldn't achieve O through pretty much anything but PMO with a few exceptions here & there.

Do yourselves a favor. Quit porn & fapping today. Now. This is life changing.

 

Day 28, 4 weeks in, still going strong.

 

So, today is the 30 day mark. Just wanted to post a little update.

Yes there are times it's challenging. There are moments where slipping back into a literally decades long habit is tempting, but I've gone too far.

It's nice to be able to plan intimacy with my wife & know I'll be able to perform & have interest in doing so.

Couple updates from the story about my friend & her boyfriend. They broke up. He dumped her so he could dedicate more time to playing Fortnight. I'm not kidding.

I have another friend who broke up with her boyfriend (who I also know) after he found out she cheated. Don't judge her too harshly. He had a lot of difficulty with intimacy with her and frequently chose gaming over her. Noticing a trend? PMO is an epidemic. We have to overcome it & raise awareness.

I have it easier than most of you. I have a loving partner I can be intimate with any time. Many of you are alone, and finding a woman not afflicted with the disease known as intersectionalist feminism is difficult in 2020, at least in the Western World.

I have a suggestion for those of you who are single. If you're on a date, let them know you're NoFap. With the epidemic of men unable to perform these days due to PIED, she might just find that interesting.

After 30 days, I realize how many of my relationships were screwed up by PMO addiction. I missed out on a lot. Sex/foreplay is so much more enjoyable now that I'm not physically and emotionally numbing myself with PMO.

Choose yourself over porn You're worth it.