Day 6 My 30 Day Journey (daily blog updates)

Today was a scary day...

A week earlier to this, I did a 7 day no pmo challenge based on semen retention and yoga. I was in a very bad place, totally numb and blank, brain fog and nutritionally deficient due to a weak diet low on protein etc. This prompted me to take the 7 day challenge and along with that I tracked my protein and water intake using a tracker app, I did the yoga practices in the 7 day challenge. But on day 6 I felt so blank and numb that I relapsed to P, but without M or O. The strength and superpowers with the practices had peaked like crazy, something I never felt with plain no PMO. On day 7 the challenge allowed to M and O with or without P, and I did it , with P, which felt better considering the superpowers I had unlocked and I witnessed a lot of my PED symptoms gone (something which never had happened with pure no PMO).

But this happy success story didn't last long. I was able to pull of a day and thought I had overcame a lot of my addiction, but the day after it, the chaser effect came back, and I chased the same older patterns of PMO and after 3 sessions, my superpowers were gone( earlier could have gone in the second session itself) which made me continue till I lost 30% of the PED damage recovery, which brings me to today morning...

My body is quite in better position thanks to the diet I was able to retain the motivation for it fortunately. Although I lost all my drive for workouts, I feel brain fog now sadly , the kind of fog where my mind can't focus on one thing for long, my eyes are dried out and hurting , and after waking up, if my open my work laptop, my brain just loses its shit, my body goes into panic mode, I have a bundle of tough project work which I'm afraid to even see man, and my brain isn't even having the slightest motivation to move a finger

As much as semen retention and the good nutrition gave me benefits, I see that this pmo thing has had a deep effect on my brain, once I read the intro section to the community it all makes sense why my brain is feeling so fried to take up any challenging office work and why my anxiety circuitry is haywire and firing like crazy, why my mind is hazed and can't focus without some pleasure.

Although I still have a belief that I can pull off M and O maybe with a longer challenge duration like 30 days (instead of 7 days as I have done , 15 days is me personal all time streak) , I realize now what superstimulation has done to my physiology and my life is not in a bad place due to bad planets or some random stuff but my own habits.

From today , My Journey Begins

I pledge to 30 days of semen retention with yoga practices, proper diet and nutrition and water intake, regular sleep, regular exercise, and most importantly focusing on my work as a lifestyle forever.

On day 30 I will test my M and O as it is an approach I find personally suitable.

If on the 32nd day I feel the same effects in terms of my work life and mental effectiveness at work, it will be a sign for me to go on a longer streak to reboot.

If I feel same in terms of mental clarity and productivity, I will repeat no P with M and O for another 30 days.

Im sure you may recommend me for a full PMO but technically im doing that with a 30 day interval. I find it suitable to do it that way personally.

I'll post my daily day report here. As much as I feel excited to be on this challenge. The lockdown and work anxiety has made me lonely and realize the importance of people to keep company, I appreciate if you guys would be of support to me on this journey and I look forward to help you out too in the same manner !

 

Yes Bro! I appreciate you support man. Definitely yes, reboot of my brain is the gameplan, im sure I'll stretch it to 7-8 months over some time, but for now, the priority for me for the next 30 days. I'll keep updated my daily progress here.

 

Day 1

The day before, I had wrote down areas I will work on everyday for the next 30 days to keep me engaged which are -

1. Workout
2. Nutrition and protein intake
3. Meditation
4. Sleep
5. My professional work
6. Social interaction

I woke up at 830 in the morning. My work day begins at 900 so quite late in that sense. But I woke up earlier than other days. Reason I woke up late was I'm unable to fall asleep at night, thanks to pmo my brain has some issue falling asleep. So today I was ready to tackle this through workouts. Technically workout should tire my body and muscles enough to help me sleep. Also its a pure source of dopamine along with energy to go through the day and freshness and aliveness to take challenges at work. So I did the following workout

5x3 Pushups
5x3 Squats
Spot running for 20 mins straight

With that I entered my work station at home

I had decided to not let my brain run a million hustles at the same time which was the reason I got anxious, planning about the future or thinking some random stuff out there etc and I would tire and relapse or go to sleep out of fear and anxiety and wouldn't get my work done.

I meditated using the Headspace app and it was way way way soothing , almost made me want to get asleep, but I took a warm water bath and took myself back at work, finished step 1 and 2 out of 20 steps at work, then interacted with few old friends I had messaged the earlier day, had some interactions on chat. Although I sacrificed my work for that, my brain is so numb that I was okay with it, my permitted activities are the above 6 to keep my brain sane and simplified, and not overstimulated.

I had lunch and then went through forum posts for motivation.

Almost felt a bit sleepy, and then received a message of a girl whom I used to flirt with through messaging :O

Turns out she was in a bad place and sick so I had to give her a shoulder, I felt bad to leave her suddenly due to nofap, me reading the forum made me a bit sympathetic to her problems. But it exhausted me thinking of her and I used the headspace app again, I couldn't resume work as post lunch sleepiness kicked in.

I meditated with headspace but fell asleep for almost 3 hrs. It did made me avoid work so that wasnt a positive thing.

Woke up, completed the meditation again, had some good insights and felt much better now. Maybe me not sleeping well the earlier day made me sleepy now.

Had a call from an old frenemy, relating to covid and job stuff. I would avoid this guy but considering I'm interacting with people to beat my loneliness I entertained it, gave some yes and no answers on call and that was that.

The girl messaged me more saying I ghosted her, so I interacted some more till she fell asleep as she works a night shift.

I saw tommorow's schedule and have a work related training program, so I must finish my project today, did step 3 and 4 and again kept it down.

Overall a good day but not productive in terms of work I must say

I see what mistakes of the previous day carried forward to the next.

Diet and nutrition was on point. And meditation through headspace especially the one I did after waking up post afternoon nap was absolutely awesome. This is because I was emotionally in a bad place before doing it talking to the girl, and if my frenemy had called in a normal situation I would have crashed badly, my brain probably wouldn't have handled so many things together with the anxiety of work.

It's 9pm now, I'll have my dinner and sleep, wake up early to resume back to work.

Would keep atleast 2 social interaction through message with old buddies tommorow, workout would be th first thing in the morning this time I'll use my dumbells, and yes, I think I'll be totally about work tommorow as I'll have to finish it before the training sessions . There are steps 5-20 in my work project to be done tommorow morning onwards.

Let me know what you guys think !

 

Day 2

Woke up way way late at 12 noon :O

Was totally confused and hazed, even scared to wake up due to work pressure

I typed my thoughts on the laptop, to feel a bit confident

I exercised for 45 mins the same routine

5x3 pushups
5x3 squats
Spot running

Had lunch after exercise, or else I wouldn't have had motivation to do it the rest of the day

It was 230 pm by then. My work training was scheduled at 3.30

So for 1 hour I browsed Jordan Peterson videos on goal setting. I still couldn't muster courage to face my work.

By 330 started the online training program, finished at 500 pm . After that watched some more Jordan Peterson videos, connected with old friends and the day ended with that.

I wrote down my goals near term immediate, medium term and long term. Things ended with that. It was an unproductive day in terms of work because my project is still at step 4 and have to take it upto step 20.

Did have urge at times to watch some 'fun' stuff if you understand what I mean to not feel dry in my brain but I resisted the urge, I remembered why I feel this dryness in the first place is due to p and the vicious cycle it produces, in my case I have allowed to m or o after 30 days end if I want to , so that kept me in place , and gave me strength to stay on the path, and made me feel the dryness and boredom will go with exercise and most importantly if I generate my dopamine through work. I have written down my short term goal to be a good Senior Executive at my job, and I visualize myself in that position and doing what's expected. Maybe that will help retrain the dopamine circuits with a new real world productive identity and help me complete my project.

I didn't meditate yesterday sadly, but the breathing process I learnt in headspace comes back naturally when I become aware and conscious. Regardless I will practice it today to make it a habit. I look forward to work day Tommorow.

 

Day 3 and Day 4

Hi guys, sorry couldn't update yesterday because I was trapped in a deep dark pit of brain fog for the whole day, having 0 energy to complete my work project. I eventually ended up being awake on night of day 3 and right now am at the end of day 4. Read on how it went...

Day 3

So this next day, I woke up almost 1 pm in the afternoon even more paranoid and anxious than ever.

I just couldn't muster the courage to get out of bed and open my work laptop.

I didn't exercise, ate some little bit although healthy stuff mostly.

But till the late evening I was just sleeping covering my eyes with a blanket, sweating and confused about what's my life purpose and how will I do, 65% of this was due to staying away from P and 35% my own personal challenges like work anxiety, existential crisis in life etc etc although I won't say it's not related to pmo

I was constantly listening to Jordan Peterson Videos on bed, one eye closed one eye open , then closing both eyes and just listening, just so that I don't doze off completely in sleep. I was looking for some motivation to get up and start working but I just couldn't muster the energy.

By evening, I did a meditation on headspace, closed my eyes, and after I woke up I felt lighter, as if Jordan Peterson s knowledge had Integrated and I was breathing calm like said in the meditation. I had some evening snack, and reflected on my life, the obstacle was that, I thought no matter how much I do, I would always remain a loser in life, maybe if I work hard a small loser, but still a loser and a failure . But the way Jordan Peterson suggested how to take large projects one step at a time and we always keep course correcting, and that course correcting from wrong methods is better than never ever starting, I got up and went for a warm bath, I was ready to take up the project.

Since it was late evening already, and the next day we would have a team meeting on video call, I had no option but to complete my project even if I pull a late nighter.

I did exactly that, also I had slept most of the day and afternoon, I completed almost 14 of the 20 steps of my project till morning 6 am, our team meeting being 10 am I slept from 6 to 8 am.

Day 4

Wokeup again, had some breakfast, completed the team meet, had a scolding of sort from my boss why the project is still due since a week.

I said I took time as I'm.new to the workings sorry, but it was regardless a very loooong time , no reason can justify this delay. And I couldn't tell him that my mind was in some other planet for the week hahhaha .

So I told him it will be completed today. After the call I felt very bad of myself, that even after an all nighter, I hadn't done my job.

I just slept my eyes were burning in pain due to guilt, I slept for 2 hours but I had resolved to get the job done so I woke up sharply at 1 am and got back to work. I mentally visualized myself as an ideal Senior Executive as I would like to develop myself in the days to come, did a quick meditation session and was back at it.

Called my seniors in between for help, stuck a lot of times but managed to complete the project by evening.

And yes, the girl who messaged me the earlier day, wanted some errand for her to be done, I told her im busy.I even chatted with her the earlier night I was awake. So today she said you didn't sleep blah blah, help me with my errand, but I said I have to complete my work today, she gave some bitter reply and vanished, I didn't text her back. Feel sad that I looked her a different way and she showed a different character, that too at such an odd timing, it's the odd timing that hurts more, im used to girls acting weird like this.

So I needed a senior to check my presentation before mailing it to boss, but the senior didn't respond till 8 pm night, so I checked everything myself to best of my knowledge and have mailed it to boss.

Don't know what's to come out of it, if it's correct or not, im new at my job so something comes out of nowhere which makes me more anxious, apart from that it's more challenging work which adds more pressure since I'm working from home under lockdown. No peers to teach or interact for help in person.

So yes it's almost end of day 4 for me now

Tell me what you guys think....

 

Day 5

It was a good day overall. My boss approved the project which was a big relief, so I've sent it to the client, awaiting any call from client now.
Did some training sessions of my work which were helpful, they dealt with adapting to change so found them useful.
Diet game was on point.
Called up an old college friend, ended up creating a group of old buddies , had a long call reminiscing old days, surprisingly I laughed a lot after a very very long time. Felt really good.
The girl I was texting, well I explained what I was going through, she was mad thinking I was avoiding her, after some long texts, we made amends. She didn't knew what my work situation crisis was exactly like that day when she asked for that errand. But we cool now.
I face difficulty sleeping at night, it's like I close my eyes, my body relaxes, even mind, but once asleep, the mind is just running like mad with no sense thoughts, add to i have an all night erection.

Although I woke up multiple times at night, I didn't start browsing my cellphone with youtube or chat, tried my best to sleep but couldn't. The erection only ended after I woke up now. Im in day 6 begining right now.

Let me what you guys think

 

Day 6

Although being a holiday I woke up quite early. Urges have been getting stronger than ever, my diet game was on point although felt extremely sleepy after lunch. My sleep cycles are f'd up for whatever reason. I'll attribute some aspect to this addiction definitely. Didn't meditate but pulled off a 1 hr cardio session with jogging although late. An old friend of mine texted me and she is a very attractive girl but quite dumb. Nothing going on between us but she has problems in dating and getting married. She texted me after almost 2 yrs so I was happy, maybe she thinks something of me. But no it was the same b.s. with a new guy she is dating. I had actually cut her off last time 2 yrs ago for this bs drama she brings to the table. I felt very beta to hear all her stuff, but well since I am committed to contacting my old friends to beat my loneliness and since we go long back, I kept my ego aside and gave her relevant advice. Another guy friend of mine suggested to take this as an insult. So I slept with this feeling on my mind. Woke up in the middle of night worried that I don't have control over my dating life at all due to lockdown, whether I'm living in a fools Paradise in terms of my goals and not taking any forward moving action which made her take me this way. But I rationalised the whole thing, understood what I need to do in my life, that this girl isn't some ideal but a dumb girl, although she looks a 9. Maybe that got to my head as some kind of rejection. Regardless I rejected her too hahahha. I know that I'll have to work hard on myself and my skills to achieve my life goals and keep my focus on where I want to go. Take events like this as feedback of reality and work on it. I watched some Jordan Peterson videos and slept again at 6 am. Woke up at 10 am and back into work. Im in day 7 currently.