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feedback on PMO journey - soft vs hard mode

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by James-London, Jun 24, 2020.

  1. James-London

    James-London Fapstronaut

    Hi guys,
    My plan has been to try to tackle the P, M and O as three separate addictions (although each interacting with each other)...

    I have had some good success in cutting out the P, but I then continued with M and O for a few days. 3 days ago, I also cut out the O. So now I am left with the M, or "edging" as its called on here. I feel like I have made progress, but a lot of the advice online suggests that you make zero progress unless you cut the PMO together.

    I am aware that the "hard mode" may get quicker results. But it also has a very high failure rate. What is the point of failing on hard mode, especially if that failure just encourages me back into a PMO binge? Is it not better to make slow and steady progress by cutting things out gradually?

    Any thoughts welcome! Thanks.
     
  2. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Well, I've followed the exact path you describe. First quitting P, then O, then M. Hard mode has been by far the easiest for me. While in the other modes I was always busy thinking about and planning on sexual activities, my mind has been able to quickly settle down completely. The progress in rewiring, building up new habits and letting go of painful feelings has been remarkable and much more then in the other modes.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2020
    david22 likes this.
  3. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    I also find hard mode easier. It can’t be moderated (like no P but M, or once a week/month), especially in ‘our’ state
     
  4. James-London

    James-London Fapstronaut

    Thanks guys. I am only on day 4 but I do feel I have made progress. I will try to remove the M also, which basically makes me hard mode. Given that I have no P, my brain is coming up with sexual images and ideas on its own - mostly my favourite porn videos.

    I have realised that the sexual ideas are also important for arousal - just as much as the M. So maybe my next step is to have more awareness of these fantasies so I can better control them? The problem with trying to just quit the M is that I often find myself doing it without realising...

    I just wanted to add that I'm having a miserable time right now. Day 4 - anxious, lethargic, irritable, low motivation. I'm going to continue with the jogging and coffee. Try to stay busy too...
     
  5. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Yes!
    You need to become a warrior and be vigilant on your mind, your actions, anything that is sex related.

    I'm sorry to hear you have an off day and wish you well.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2020
    Metis07 likes this.
  6. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    It gets better, but you will have highs and lows (highest highs and lowest lows, because if you pmo for a long time in your life you just numb your feelings), try to continue no matter what do at least 90 days and see for yourself
     
  7. James-London

    James-London Fapstronaut

    thanks guys. I'm 39 and have been actively trying to quit PMO for at least 4 or 5 years. So I guess I'm a long term user/addict... I'm only 5 days in now and I feel mostly irritable and anxious. But in addition, I seem to have turned into a werewolf!! I walk down the street and feel like having a fight - which is quite amusing as I am a very mild mannered person.

    I guess this is the testosterone talking... I have written off the rest of this week. I am just going to try to eat well, exercise and avoid edging. I'm hoping my hormones will calm down in a few days.

    Thanks guys.
     
  8. mzxc495

    mzxc495 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting. Its the other way around for me. I have been able to drastically reduce my MO but my addiction to just look at P is still very strong and is the hardest to resist.
     
  9. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Hmm, how can watching P without M(O) be interesting? I found P pretty boring without the M(O). No storyline of any depth, no characters, no drama. At the most a hint of a story, but everything is just an excuse to show genitals filmed from long or short distance and eventually the inevitable Bingo. Nothing interesting there.
     
  10. James-London

    James-London Fapstronaut

    I agree with the last guy. The purpose of porn is to act as a trigger for sexual arousal. The sexual arousal then encourages the M. It can happen that M comes first and then P... but it all adds up to the same thing: sexual arousal releases the dopamine hit, which is the thing we are hooked on.

    I have been edging for the last few days, but a little bit less each day. It seems that as I get more days without P and O, it becomes easier to cut down the M. I'm not going to beat myself up about M for now.

    So I'm on day 5. No P or O... Edging is OK for now, providing that it is under control. What I might do is allocated specific time slots in the day for edging, and then slowly close them down. Also, M is always preceded by sexual fantasies - usually my favourite P movies that I re-run in my imagination. So if I get too close to O, I can switch my attention to another thought, away from the sexual trigger. My brain gets pissed off, but that's the way its got to be from now on.
     

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