Am I being unreasonable?

No you're not. There's a question of honesty and cognitive dissonance, I think addicts compartmentalize.

Is he on here and is he into rebooting? Or is he mostly doing it for you but don't really recognize it is an issue?

 

No we even have a word for it: p-Sub or porn substitute.

The thing about user AP groups on NoFap is it is less organized, and overall there's just a balance of working a program vs. the social aspect, and you may even get some extremism with 12 Step groups but there is the alternative of official NoFap group calls now, I've been thinking of checking out the drop in one. Of course a person has to be aware there is a social need as a part of this process. I live in an area where before the lockdown there was a ton of face to face addiction support groups, frankly I think a lot of people, particularly new to recovery took that for granted and largely fell away since the change to the Zoom standard. They can obviously go online but they are just not making that effort. We occasionally see comments like people don't want to associate with weirdos and perverts, but hello - if we're on this site that's true for all of us to some extent! There's just this general tendency to be socially isolated and that has to be reversed in recovery. It doesn't mean that people are automatically going to meet their best friends in this context or even have that as a goal, but there is a question about taking that aspect of it seriously and giving it a chance. It is also mostly a volunteer effort so people looking to "get" support will not contribute to that kind of organized effort. There's nothing stopping people from forming an organized group instead of an extreme rah rah kind of AP group, even if NoFap didn't officially offer these groups people just have to make the effort to put it together themselves. All we actually have to do is make the effort to go since it is available.

 

To be fair I think a lot of groups have a quality issue, but that's why it needs to be recognised it takes work. I think when everyone just goes to get support and nobody thinks about how to provide it beyond the bottom line of not acting out the results will be limited. Also there's just only so much we can expect to happen when it's a volunteer effort. Basically though it's just only going to be a small fraction of what it could be if it's a bunch of people hanging out talking. It's not even guaranteed when there's a structure.

 

Checking out women you are not in a relationship with is bogus and you hit the nail on the head of the time and focus it wastes. If he is with such a caring and loving woman why can't he turn off his ego for a moment and trust her, consider what she is suggesting. Some people like drugs, some people like spending stupid amounts of money. It is possible to like things that are not good for us. Such as looking at other woman, whether clothed or not.

Best of luck