BEAT YOUR LONGEST STREAK

9/90 (ten percent there!)

 

My own challenge today is that I've allowed my mind to dwell on thoughts that will lead to trouble. Being that guardian and director of our thoughts that we talk about so much can really be tough sometimes. How long is too long to dwell on a thought that will lead to your downfall? Ideally I wouldn't allow it at all, but sometimes thoughts come on their own. One thought that's not too bad leads to another and to another and now it's becoming trouble. How much focus do we allow on a thought that is becoming sexually charged? Right now my dedication to nofap, to a new record for my streak, and to all the success I want to come from that is keeping me somewhat in control. I noticed what was happening, and after hanging out there in my mind a little too long, I finally found the strength to shift my focus. Is it too late? I don't know. I do know from experience that this is where we have the choice (if at all) to make the right decisions. At least for me, the point of no return doesn't seem to be at the fapping moments, in my own experience that seems to happen more or less on its own through a cascading effect of impulsivity quickly breaking through all my defenses. I seem to be either powerless at that point, or at the most a very sad last line of defense. I've concluded that the moment of choice, if indeed choice is a factor in this at all, happens here. In this place of relative strength and determination. Stray sexual thoughts come in and are either dismissed through wisdom and perseverance, or they are entertained and dwelled on, "yes that would feel so good, yes I'd love to see her naked, I'd love to do this or that etc.." even a moment or two in agreement with these thoughts is not only dangerous, but I'd argue that you almost already lost at that point. I'm hoping that it's not as extreme as that because I'm only a little over a week in and I'm trying hard to be strong. I'm writing this because I'm hoping that identifying this weakness, reiterating, sharing it here, I can find my footing once again. Yes, maybe dwelling on sexually charged thoughts for 30 seconds is enough to open the flood gates, but perhaps being very aware of the dangers, I can refortify my thoughts once again and become the director of my thoughts and intentions again. And, over time, perhaps the next few days, I'll reaffirm the strategies that got me this far, namely to keep stray sexual thoughts at bay and keep in the forefront of my mind as often as possible the goals that I'm doing all this for in the first place and remember that this is basically an all-or-none scenario. There is no room for little teases of thoughts here or glimpses of fantasies there. This is war and the addiction/impulsivity are the enemy. My allies are patience, strength of will, self-control, and vision for what my future will look like, what my successes will be.

 

10/90

 

4/14 done, now the 5th morning. It's tough! Thought so many times about giving in yesterday but speaking to a recovery friend on the way home from work saved me. Everyday I have to reach out for help and let people know how I am feeling. The first few days after a relapse, no matter how well I did previously, is like climbing a slippery pole. But I am not alone, and I need to remind myself of the experience of being high versus being being clean. One day at a time!

 

Great post! Have been having the exact same thoughts and feelings. I try to bring myself back to the difference between feeling high versus feeling clean. Feeling high is a peak state for as long as it lasts, followed by the inevitable emotional and physical crash when it ends. Feeling clean is a open, balanced state of self-worth, where I can have time and appreciation for others, ideas about the future, multiple interests, time to rest and relax.

 

Congratulations on 4 complete days FSP, and congratulations on being so proactive in your recovery! You're doing all the right things, I'm confident in your success, friend. Keep at it!!

 

5/14 done. Learning the importance of keeping myself emotionally sober to increase my chances of staying physically sober. Thanks for support! PS - has anyone come up with a streak scoring system that awards you more points for the difficult early days?

 

10 % of former 4 year old record already =)
15/150

 

0/70 (23/06/20)

 

0/24..
starting a new streak

 

With m iv tealized i masturate only under following 4 circumstances:
1. No direction in life. if nothing concrete im working on, a purpose, this leads to unwanted socializing and low level behaviours like drinking, games, social media, that then eventually leads to masturbation
2. Setback. Say iam working on a project or a plan and iam met with a setback, there is a hughe chance i could turn to masturbation. That is when i cant control situations in my life, i feel powerless that leads me to wanting to masturbate.
3. Pain from abstention. Too much mental activity, PAWS pain, and other such.
4. And lastly and obviously, if iam exposed to anything sexully explicit.

So,my point is, it would be better if you look into these other aspects, instead of fighting to keep your thoughts under control. But who knows everyone is different and what s working fo may not work for you. Thought i'd post it anyways.

 

11/90

 

1/70

 

44/111

 

44/111

 

16/150

I think withdrawal is hitting real hard evrything starts feeling very surreal WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING, why am i here =(((((((((( I NEED TO STOP THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT LIFE AND START LIVING

 

Happy Evening
Day 23 @Jefe Rojo

 

1/24