failure !

at this point it seems like i almost gave up, i keep returning to PMO, i delete the porn folders and then a few days later have a bigger folder, i stop 3 days then i go back to daily, i dont know what i did different when i was on my highest 16 day streak

it feels like im fighting a bully who i know is stronger and bigger than me so it feels like a pointless war and all i can do is postpone it

right now every other day i do PMO or maximum 2-3 days, at least its not once a day but as u see, thats again a statement from the idiotic part of me that keeps me doing PMO

i tried to do only MO without P which i didnt do for years, and i just dont like it, harder to get an erection, when i ejaculate it feels so useless like i wasted my time, but at the other hand, with porn i waste too much time by having too much fun watching those new videos, the dopamine rush, i edge for hours and sometimes dont even ejaculate to keep watching more, even though i know the effects mentally and physically, im truely a sad idiot shit

every single time i get back into the cycle, what should i do !!!

 

thank you bro i read it, when i ended my longest streak instead of aiming for a higher streak i felt defeat and went like "might as well continue" which i never should have that mentality

 

yesterday i had a wetdream too, and today i was continuously choosing between "i want that feeling again so lets do PMO" and "u already had a wetdream so count that as if u did PMO today and go try another 2 days without PMO" and today i sticked with the second one, so i am now on day 2 again but it was hard, when i had my longest streak of 16 days, it only got hard at day 10&11 and then 14&15&16, now its already on day 1&2 hard and i dont know why its so hard now!

 

i used to be social and mostly extroverted till few years ago where i turned introverted but was still social, to when i got anti social and introverted in recent years especially 2018+ and i am sure PMO played a part of it

PMO made me more anti social and introverted
PMO made me have a bad sleep schedule for years till now (because i dont PMO during day as i live with family)

or to be more correct, I made me do it..i wasted many oppurtinities in life and i regret them a lot even if i try to act like i move on, i use gaming to ignore the real life, sad reality, which again i ignore by gaming more

and by gaming so much i have constant back pain but i have no hobbies, really pathetic sitting at home 24/7 gaming then PMO then sleep

 

i remember 2010-2011-2012 i would go to the library to borrow books and ready many, i had usually fun, but now i hate reading, its because i became too lazy i am sure, so many things i want to change about myself but i dont know how or where to begin, i followed advice to fix my anger issues as well but i still have much anger

right now i am just ignoring my issues by gaming because then i dont have any responsibilities or at least act like i dont, and makes me forget all

 

i remember when i was stuyding hard to get A's & B's now when i study for 30 seconds im too distracted and no focus and bored, even though i am supossed to go to college after lockdown for engineer, how can an engineer be so lazy, its my dream to be an engineer so i am sure i have a part of me that can fix it, the part of me that has the compassion but overwrite the lazy part

 

i am now on day 4, its better than the usual 2 days but it feels like its been 2 weeks or even a month!

i do still go out like to get groceries or dentist appointments and i feel confident while being in public, but more around males like myself, around girls i became very shy and i avoid eye contact with people unless im talking to them (especially girls), and with hot girls my confidence drops to 0 and akwardness to 1000, even if i dont even want to engage with them

 

my problem is edging, i cant watch porn for 10 mins, i do it for hours. i cant "rub one out quickly" and my doctor said edging is dangerous and i believe its the cause of my testicle issues (varicoceles, cysts, pain, etc)

so from one mate to another, please dont end up like me, do not edge!

 

i am convinced its the dopamine rush thats keep me going because i already have a porn folder and instead of choosing a video of the folder and being quick i edge for hours

right now my last two days was day 5 and day 3, now i am on day 1 again but i did edge less it was like 40 minutes while the one before it was 3 and half hour

in the past i used to do 5 or 6 hours
there is slow progress

 

we can beat it but it takes time and a strong mind! i am slowly decreasing the bad habits