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35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! It's easier said than done, though.

    I know that doing PM and trying to get excited by fantasies and fiction takes a huge effort. But I also know that I still have very strong behavioral patterns that want me to put that effort in as a way of running away from anxieties, self-hatred etc. I understand that on an intellectual level, but I still find it hard to stop myself from making that effort again and again.

    But it was a little breakthrough to see how hard I have to try to be excited by P and that the fight is not against something that's naturally appealing that I have to force myself to stay away from, but the fight is against this tendency that I have to create these illusions and work very hard to keep that lie alive.
     
    JJ_Kino, discovery and GottaBFree like this.
  2. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    It did work a few times already later today. My brain was trying to convince me that since I already relapsed today, I might as well relapse some more - you know, the same old drill. Then I thought of how much mental gymnastics I'd need to pull off for that and how exhausting it would be, and that was enough to put me off of the idea :) Let's see if I can make a lasting imprint of this in my system.
     
  3. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Today is indeed a struggle. The forces of darkness are upon me. I must live in the light to win the fight today.
     
    JJ_Kino, magvor, GottaBFree and 2 others like this.
  4. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    I happens. I've made good progress and then find myself going through a week that's worse than ever. Keep starting over and coming back.
     
  5. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    I’m committed to making it till the morning which means going to bed now.

    It’s important.

    It’s not easy to restart later.

    I don’t even like P or M I just want a distraction and a hit of dopamine but there are much better ways to get both.

    1/2 day at a time for me.
     
  6. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    congrats on 3 days. That means something. For me day 4 is usually tough, but I can start to see the light and things get better from there. That’s a great start

    I agree the one key is to keep coming back and never give up.
     
  7. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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    Exactly this. It can be really difficult to not give up though!
     
    artifact, GottaBFree and JJ_Kino like this.
  8. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    I’m checking in. I’ve been gone for a week, but I haven’t been on vacation; or if you want to call a PMO binge a vacation I guess you can. But then this is the worst vacation I have ever been on, because I feel like oven toasted shit right now. I’m a fat ass who’s gained about 20 pounds and quit working out ever sense the covid shutdown. On top of that, I have been expelling all my sexual energy through PMO. Between not eating a quality diet (and looking and feeling like a fat ass), and not exercising, and not sticking to nofap, it makes me wonder: How much better of a quality of life could I be living (mentally and physically) if I just got those things under control. I think that most anyone would agree: that to get in control of those things would only improve (probably greatly improve) ones quality of life. Realistically, all those things are probably only 90 days away. Three short months for the rest of my life. Which brings up this next question:

    Why is it so dam hard to make a change? PMO is an addiction that will take 90 plus days. But as far as working out and diet, those things are more like just being out of habit and could be greatly improved in just 30 days.

    So like I said above. I have felt like shit physically and mentally for a long time now. So it’s a funny thing isn’t it? Why do we allow ourselves to feel like crap for so long when green fields are only a few short months away if we actually work at the problem and fix it.

    But tomorrow is July 1st and that is a good round number to get started with change. It’s so odd to think about: Just a few short months of hard work and we could be back in control of an area of our life that we don’t like and are struggling with right now. So what are we waiting for? That’s the scientific question I want someone to answer for me: Why do we allow ourselves to live a certain way even if we feel like shit living that lifestyle; when a complete life changing makeover is only a few months away?
     
    artifact, discovery, JJ_Kino and 2 others like this.
  9. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Some more thoughts about the effort that engaging in PMO takes - and how it is actually a relief of sorts to not do it - that I had this morning. Perhaps it is useful for others to contemplate this too. There are basically 2 scenarios in my experience with PMO:

    1. I see or read something that turns me on and tricks my brain into thinking that sex might be happening soon. For a while I'm in this excited anticipation mode and I start touching myself. This inevitably leads to frustration, because the source of excitement is fake and nothing is going to happen. I either reach an unsatisfying orgasm or I try to mask or delay the frustration and keep this excited anticipation going for as long as possible by edging and watching more stuff, because this unfulfilled desire still feels better than facing the reality where I'm all alone at my computer.

    2. At some later point I remember being in situation 1, often in moments that I feel some overwhelming negative emotion and I'm looking for escape. I remember specifically how intense this feeling of excited anticipation was and how for a short while it made the rest of the world go away. Since I am in a position where I want the world to go away, I revisit some of the things that I remember turned me on and try to get that excitement back - even though I know that it will end in frustration, I just want to feel so focused again for a while. But because the surprise of the material is gone and my brain won't be fooled again, just looking or reading doesn't do the trick anymore and I have to combine physical stimulation and browsing through a lot of material before I finally manage to get the excitement going again. Until I'm back in this world of frustration and unfulfilled desire that I try to keep going at all costs to not acknowledge that what I'm doing is really not pleasant at all.
     
  10. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

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    Checking in.

    Been a rough start, work has been super stressful but hanging in there by the skin of my teeth, determined to make it to 7 days and see where I am.
     
    ctr, magvor, GottaBFree and 1 other person like this.
  11. ctr

    ctr Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed again. Day 0.
     
    JJ_Kino and GottaBFree like this.
  12. I find it interesting that when I simply do nothing with an urge when it comes into my mind, it goes away pretty quickly. Entertaining the urge by engaging in fantasy can soon lead to edging, then to p-subs, and on and on. That urge for pleasure can be super strong but you do have to do something to pursue it. Doing nothing with it makes it lose interest in you, at least for awhile.
     
  13. discovery

    discovery Fapstronaut

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    Have you tried the push-ups?

    Have you tried the push-ups?
     
    JJ_Kino likes this.
  14. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    Dear friends, i must step down. I have failed but i am not giving up. I will return. I pass the title to @discovery

    This is the closest i've ever been to 90 days. I will continue this journey when I regain my balance.

    Peace and Blessings
     
  15. David2018

    David2018 Fapstronaut

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    I'm at 4 days and feeling good.
    It's key to remember that there really is no "I'll just give in for a few minutes today" . It always spirals.
     
    discovery, JJ_Kino and artifact like this.
  16. Very good point, the addiction is both biologically and psychologically driven. Understanding the psychology that drives your relapses is more difficult than defeating the short-term urges, in my opinion, but it is worth the effort.
     
    discovery, JJ_Kino and Merry Terry like this.
  17. I can remove your name from the member ranking if that's what you want, but please don't feel that you need to quit the group just because you relapsed. We are all in this struggle together.
     
  18. @persona2903 left the group recently and handed off the #1 baton to @JJ_Kino. JJ handed it off to @emanuel_free , who handed it off to @Jerky and now @discovery has once again claimed first place. Congrats discovery! You are the new king of the hill.
     
    discovery, JJ_Kino and emanuel_free like this.
  19. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that's something I have found too. Sure, urges have a biological basis and so does being excited when you see P or sexy material. But when you don't act on it and just see it for what it is - a desire for sex, which for a moment seemed to be happening but it's not - and don't try to prolong it or extend it, it will simply go away again quite quickly. So I realised the effort that it takes to keep the whole urge going is actually greater and harder than to just not act at all.
     
    discovery, JJ_Kino and magvor like this.
  20. magvor

    magvor Fapstronaut
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    Checking in.

    This week so far feels like it should have been difficult. It would have been impossible before discovering this forum. Not that the urges have been particularly strong or powerful, more that they have been "always lurking there", just waiting to jump out and take advantage of a moment of weakness. And I have not been getting enough sleep this week - not by a long shot - so there's less energy.

    Saying that, I feel like I'm recognising danger signals much earlier than ever before, which makes it easier to divert my attention before I get into trouble. It seems that if I "change the subject", or come on here and read (or write), that keeps my mind in a good place.

    It's a slog, but I know that I'll get through. One day at a time...
     

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