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Just hit day 90.... help me it’s torture

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TheRetainer, Jul 2, 2020.

  1. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    Day 90 Hardmode. Great right!

    I’ve felt awful the entire reboot. Much worse than I started. Only like one day which felt like superpowers.

    suicidal, depressed, anxious, Apathy, Anhedonia, tinnitus, fatigue. All I do is lay in bed waiting till I can go to sleep again.

    ive tried all the often suggested things like showers, running Etc.

    can anyone give me flatline stories that can give me hope. Assuming it is flatline/paws that I’m living. Can anyone give me hope this will actually end.
     
  2. test123456123456

    test123456123456 Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there mate!
    The chance for it to get better is indeed 100%.

    There is also somewhere a post from me which i wrote, completly down, at day 96.
    Thats why i can guarante you that it will get better.
    If you can find the strength, exercise, otherwise just lay in bed, its fine too.

    You can be proud if yourself man, your new life is almost in reach.
    Dont forget: Never give up, never give in.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    what day did you feel better?

    I can’t function.

    it’s Awful. I’ve read so many posts and some people say they never feel better till they start releasing again. Other people say it takes two years+ till they feel better.

    it’s all just a big confusing mess. There is no consistent messages in accounts.

    I’m pretty confident not o for 90 days is the main reason I feel so awful. I can’t function. And fear I’m gonna waste two years of my life in bed only to realise it does nothing for me.

    I read your day 96 post you posted last month. You don’t sound too bad. You just said you lacked wisdom...
     
  4. Dr.LoveLength

    Dr.LoveLength Fapstronaut

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    Sounds more like your suffering with depression or you had a really heavy addiction and are getting crazy withdrawal symtoms.
     
    Nak and thinking_differently like this.
  5. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    depressed yes. On and off my whole life but made a lot worse by Nofap.

    I wasNt really a massive abuser.
    Didn’t use porn. Madtutbated a lot when younger but I’m 48 now.
     
  6. thinking_differently

    thinking_differently Fapstronaut

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    Ahhh! It’ll pass man.
    You thought withdrawal was gonna be easy? Naah man.
    You’re doing really well! 90 days of Hardmode is a SOLID achievement, and this achievement in depression? You’ve got some serious balls man.
    It will improve, don’t worry.

    Look into your lifestyle, sleep cycle.
    Look forward to how you can make it better, rather than looking behind.
    Cheers! HANG IN THERE AND STAY STRONG BROTHER.
     
  7. Check some of my contents out, Saneagain, Darksetour, Big Lebowski.
     
    iwillwinthese likes this.
  8. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    reading your stuff I feel like your in. Similar place to me but your 400+ days in.

    how does that give me hope or have I missed something?

    you ever think Nofap is not the answer?
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  9. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    i feel like I’ve tried everything but I’m completely unresponsive
     
  10. Dr.LoveLength

    Dr.LoveLength Fapstronaut

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    Porn has been your crutch for a long term, artificially boosting your dopamine levels. Now you have removed PMO from your lifestyle the full extent of your underlining issues have been revealed to you.

    The blindfold has been removed, this is where the real healing can take place. Fighting depression is a motherfucker and it will take alot more than just NoFap alone to beat it, but its a vital part of a mentally healthier lifestyle.
     
    vril, Candun and greatchinaski like this.
  11. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    To me it’s the big question to be asked on the Nofap topic.

    Is the long term “paws” pain definitely from Nofap?

    how can we be sure? Is it just psychological issues? Depression etc?

    if you read on semenretention reddit there’s a train of thought that suggests the paws symptoms are from stagnant energy and many suggest releasing every month or more.

    just want to know if I’m hurting myself without reason. Can’t be sure I’m actually addicted.
     
  12. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    thanks I’m aware of this theory I’m just not convinced my problem is porn or sex addiction. I actually never watched porn.
     
  13. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    literally do all that to no effect. I go on 2 hour walks singing and I’m dead to it.
     
  14. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    yup. Maybe like 20 times in my entire life and I’m 38.

    ive had unhealthy mastutbating habits up to 4 times daily when younger. Mastutbating when not erect etc.

    but no porn.
     
  15. It is the answer.
    The reality is " semen is not something to waste." 1 drop of sem2n = 1 teaspoon of blood. You can see how vital it is for your body. Doing PMO for a long time or MO will affect your system. They say P is the worst. Actually it's the MO who's the worse. P is just an easier alternative to MO at least in my case.

    NOW depending how long and how much your use will determine your healing. It might take you longer if you used to "binge" or "kindling" during reboot. It usually take 6mo to 2 years on average to get out of paws. And more years for worst case scenario.
     
    iwillwinthese likes this.
  16. I always think nofap is the answer because of other's people testimonies matched my symptoms. I went through a lot withdrawals and pains. It's always look the darkest before dawn. When you're not feeling good it's your brain healing but it might take time, sorrow and desperation if your addiction were severe. I'm not there yet but I'm getting closer to my goal.
     
  17. ZeroChill

    ZeroChill Fapstronaut

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    Try taking berocca supplement after meal. It might gv u extra energy for short term relief.
     
  18. vril

    vril Fapstronaut

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    I would ask myself, how will masturbating solve this problem?

    Like you say that you feel suicidal and depressed? How exactly does jerking off solve that?

    IMO, you are looking for a long-term solution in momentary gratification. That's kind of like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.

    One of the beliefs that I have come back to is that God unconditionally loves me. The key word there is "unconditionally", meaning it isn't contingent on what I do or don't do, whether I succeed or fail, or on what other people think or say about me. I am intrinsically worthy and I don't need to do anything to earn it. The only thing I need to do is receive that love and share it.

    Maybe you don't believe in God or something. You could do the same for yourself. You could love yourself unconditionally. Accept yourself whether you abstain from masturbation or you don't. Accept how you feel about you (anxious, depressed, etc.), recognize the pain and suffering you are experiencing. But whatever you do, you are gentle with yourself, you are understanding, you don't judge yourself, and you do things to take care of you. I choose God because I have a difficult time doing that for myself. I am highly critical of me.

    And for me, that is the real problem here. A lack of love in my life has made me feel unworthy, and has led me to escape that feeling in sexual gratification. And it doesn't work and I've learned several times that it doesn't work. The problem only gets worse. I need love so I can heal. Which takes time and isn't going to be found in empty sexual relationships and isn't going to be fixed in a few months.

    I hope that helps you out, my friend.
     
  19. TheRetainer
    Man... relax...
    My trigger is not porn and I´m here to, you got it? :)
    Masturbation to much give you high levels of dopamine not only watching porn.
    You want to try to get the things bether and have results and that good but i think you want to have results to fast, some things need time to stable understand? Try to relax and give yourself a litle time. Chill out.
    And everyone have is ups and downs man that normal.
    All this stuff we doing here is a litle spiritual battle, dont forget that.
    I was a litle down to a few days before but everyday is one new day and today is raining but tomorrow the sun will shine. Relax keep moving.
    You are doing good, dont give up now.
    All good.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  20. TheRetainer
    And... cold showers i think is ussually used to urges not to depression, flatine or when you fell a litle down unless maby you want to do something like... ok let´s get out the bed take one cold shower eat one good breakfast or something and go outside a litle watch the sun shine... or something else.
    Keep your mind and time busy with good stuff it help to give good mood and avoid negative suff.
     

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